AVAHS – Arthur Christmas

3s3xxgh

Plot: We all know that Santa delivers presents to all the little girls and boys at Christmas, but what really goes on at the North Pole? ‘Santa’ is actually more of an inherited title than it is one singular person. Generation through generation, new Santas take the helm of the sleigh, and it’s nearing the time for a tech-savvy calculating man named Steve to finally take the reins. Figuratively speaking, of course, since Steve has turned the North Pole into an ultra-high-tech hub for Christmas preparation, and the old sleigh has been replaced with an equally high-tech air ship named the S-1.

Steve’s little brother, Arthur, works in the letters department and loves nothing more than any and all things Christmas. He greatly admires his father, the current Santa, and he also strongly believes in his brother to become the next Santa.

His faith starts to waiver, however, when the ultra-efficient Steve somehow misses a girl named Gwen. He tries to convince both his brother and father to go back and deliver her present, but they decide against it, leaving Gwen in the ‘margin of error.’ Arthur won’t accept that, and is recruited by his grandfather, the grandsanta, to take his old sleigh and reindeer out to deliver the present themselves, accompanied by an energetic wrapping elf named Bryony. Can they manage to deliver the present on time, or will one little girl end up thinking that she’s the one kid Santa forgot?

Breakdown: Alright, now we’re talkin’ newer holiday traditions. Ever since I first watched this movie several years ago, I have watched it every Christmas. It is one of the very few newer Christmas movies that manages to fill me with the Christmas spirit.

Arthur Christmas introduces an interesting concept behind Christmas. Instead of Santa being one immortal being with woodworking elves, a sleigh and reindeer, it is a title that is passed through the generations (and is kinda magic considering they seem to live much longer than normal people) with a high-tech command center directing thousands of elves to deliver presents in whole towns at a time…..And Santa maybe puts down a present or two.

Like Steve mentions, the current Santa, whose real name is Malcolm, is more of a figurehead than anything. He loves the title, he enjoys being loved by the children of the world, and he enjoys the fame brought on by the elves, but he does little to nothing besides go through the motions. Steve and the many elves in the North Pole handle quite literally everything. From monitoring the children to ensure they don’t wake during delivery, to delivering the presents, to going through complicated maneuvers to prevent alerting dogs or setting off alarms, and even piloting the S-1. Like I said, Santa is basically escorted into like one house per town, does nothing, then when they’re about to leave, they let him set down a gift.

Steve is all set and ready to rumble for the job of Santa, and he seems more than qualified given everything he does, but he’s also not anymore fit for the job than Malcolm because he doesn’t seem to care about kids at all and sees Santa as a glorified title above all else.

Arthur is more than content working in the letters department. He loves reading the letters from the various children of the world and responding back to them. His office is like a giant shrine to all things Christmassy and Santa. I really appreciate that they didn’t have him be some bitter character who, despite loving Christmas and seeing the meaning of Christmas far beyond any of the living Santas, is angry about not being offered the job of Santa despite being a Claus. They could’ve easily gone down that route, but they didn’t.

Arthur is a lovable Christmas dork, and he is my kindred spirit. I love everything about Christmas. Let me loose in any store with Christmas decorations and clothes and whatnot and, if I had it my way, you wouldn’t see me until closing. And you bet I’d wear they hell out of Arthur’s cute little light-up singing reindeer slippers.

There is a lot to love about Arthur, especially in how he’s willing to brave every frightening aspect of this journey to make sure Gwen didn’t feel left out on Christmas. And there’s a lot to worry about with him. He’s a worrier as it is, but he’s also fairly clumsy and doesn’t understand a lot of the mechanics of both the old and new Santa devices. It does not help that he’s accompanied by Grandsanta, who is equal parts crazy and absentminded. There’s a plot twist with his character that I never saw coming, and I think it works very well in the flow of the story. Let’s just say that forgetting the true meaning of Christmas didn’t start with Malcolm.

The fact that Arthur basically lives in a delusion, believing just as much in the fantasy version of Santa as most children on earth, leaves you worrying as well. You know the poor guy’s going to have his whole world crash around him eventually, and you’re just sitting there getting more and more anxious the closer he gets to the truth. It is almost as painful as watching someone tell a little kid that Santa doesn’t exist. (Spoiler alert) When that plot twist with Grandsanta is revealed, it’s the first big blow to his belief system since he believed Grandsanta was the only one who wanted to uphold the old traditions and keep the spirit of Christmas alive. End of Spoilers.

He also has Bryony with him, a female elf who is a wrapping extraordinaire and can wrap any present with three pieces of sticky tape. Despite just being a wrapping elf, she is extremely skilled and knowledgeable as a field elf who helps Arthur along the way. She gets a ton of great lines in both her quirkiness and her whimsical bluntness. I loved her, especially her punk rock character design.

I will admit, you can see where a good chunk of the movie is going from the get-go, and I didn’t much care for the ‘alien’ sub-plot with the government. I guess it adds to the gravity of the situation, but it’s mostly treated as a joke (Plus, a wooden painted air craft with people singing Christmas carols saying they come in peace, shooting oranges and chocolates is blown up with a missile and they’re all proud of themselves) But the story adds plenty of its own originality and writing to the table to keep you more than entertained throughout the whole movie.

This movie was a product of Aardman Animations. Yup, the claymation Aardman. Except here they’re bringing claymation style to full CGI animation – and it works incredibly well. While I have my problems with the facial designs, for the love of eggnog, who cares? The details are gorgeous. From the hairs on their heads, to the stitches of Arthur’s sweater (even including those little furry hairs some wool sweaters have) to the cities and vehicles and houses – it’s just amazing. This is the second time that Aardman has done a full CGI feature (Flushed Away being their first – co-produced by Dreamworks), and they definitely prove without a shadow of a doubt that they can maintain their talents throughout the mediums.

It is especially prominent in the characters themselves. While I’m not fan of claymation, I have always greatly respected how much tender loving care Aardman puts into their character work to make them seem not only alive but like they’re truly people who exist. Arthur Christmas is definitely no exception. All of the characters look, move and sound like they’re real people (Okay, they don’t look realistic in regards to looking like you and me, but they look like actual living beings). Those looks on Arthur’s face when he thinks about Gwen getting her present are just beautiful.

They also interact with each other and their environments like real people. They definitely feel like a real family with familiar family problems and squabbles as well as the love and respect that is sometimes covered by those issues.

I even loved how they interacted with the elves. I feel a bit worse for the elves this time around, because elves get little respect and love by the children during Christmas as it is considering they do all the work of making the toys and doing whatever else needs to be done during the rest of the year, yet Santa delivers the gifts and gets all the glory. It’s like giving the UPS guy a holiday. Here, not only do the elves do all the background work like making the gifts and wrapping them etc. but they do most of the delivering too – yet they still have to live in the ever darkening shadow of a Santa who does little to nothing.

And then, like Arthur, they don’t seem to care. They just want Christmas to go perfectly for all the kids of the world. And, like Arthur, they are completely appalled when they find out that not only Santa forgot a kid, but they also aren’t going to go back to deliver the present. While it’s obvious that none of the Santas really respect the elves at all (Grandsanta’s treatment of them, Bryony included, is most terrible), it’s also apparent that they respect how they see them, much like how they respect how the majority of the children of the world see Santa. It’s only when the elves express how horrible it is that a child has been missed that the current Santa even tries to do anything about it.

Since Arthur is basically an elf himself, he is friends with most of them, despite knowing that some of them mock him behind his back for being so dorky and clumsy. I legitimately had a pang in my heart when I saw them cheering on Arthur through a video feed. They also just care about keeping up the magic of Christmas and Santa to the children, and Arthur’s the hero they need for the job.

If I’ve gushed enough, this movie has some flaws, but it is a phenomenal Christmas movie and just a fantastic movie period. I watch it every year, and I may watch it again before the holidays are over. And this is coming from someone who never believed in Santa. If you need a holiday pickup, this is one of the more recent movies to bring that warm Christmassy feeling, and maybe a little magic, to your heart.

Recommended Audience: E for everyone!


If you enjoy my work and would like to help support my blog, please consider donating at my Ko-Fi page. Thank you! ♥

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

AVAHS – Father Christmas (1991) Review

ia7fee0

Plot: What does Santa do for the other 365 days of the year? You’d be surprised to find that Santa is just another person like everyone else, just with a special job.

Breakdown: *hides*……..Sorry guys, wasn’t feeling this one. *flee*

I understand this is a rather treasured holiday classic; expected of the sequel to the legendary Christmas short, The Snowman, But….yeah, I just don’t….really…like it.

I dunno, maybe I’m stingy about how Santa ‘should’ be. I’m usually very open to other interpretations of Santa, but this one just doesn’t sit with me right. He’s a bit of a grump, he’s crude, and he’s basically an alcoholic. Let me just say, I never thought I’d see a Christmas special with Santa getting sloshed across the globe, getting diarrhea, and rushing to the bathroom constantly for like two minutes of runtime, seeing his ass several times, and him having a trippy dream where he imagines beans and snails dancing around a cow who is vomiting milk.

Down to the bare bones, he does seem like a nice enough guy. He wouldn’t do the job he has otherwise. He cares about Christmas, but like any other job he tends to complain about it a lot.

I guess the other main problem I have with it is that I wasn’t really entertained through much of it. A majority of the movie is Santa on vacation in France then Scotland then Las Vegas. He gets drunk, he complains, he gets sick, he complains, he does random things, and then he goes home to get stuff ready for Christmas. There’s not really a lot that is that interesting or funny to me.

When we get to the Christmas part, it’s a little better because we see Santa in a bit of a better light, but it doesn’t make up for much, especially since I didn’t much care for the song at the end. The melody’s fine, but Santa’s not singing for much of it – he’s sing-talking. And it’s even a stretch to say that much. I did like the throwback to The Snowman with the cameos from The Snowman and The Boy, that was pretty cool.

Finally, I was mostly just annoyed by how much Santa said ‘bloomin’’ in this short. The Wiki page even counts how many times he says it over the course of the 26 minute feature; 72 times. That is almost a minimum of three ‘bloomin’’s per minute. But I guess it’s better to the supposedly butchered American version where he replaces this with ‘merry’. Yeah, express disdain by saying ‘merry’. That’s a really merry stupid idea.

Maybe this just isn’t my personal cup of tea. Check it out your own bloomin’ self.

Recommended Audience: Gambling, lots of drinking, smoking, diarrhea, vomiting, and several instances of Santa bum. 7+


If you enjoy my work and would like to help support my blog, please consider donating at my Ko-Fi page. Thank you! ♥

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

AVAHS – The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus (2000) Review

fypmvsv

Plot: In ancient times, before toys ever existed, there was a deep rift between the world of humans and the world of immortal creatures like nymphs, fairies and pixies. An angelic wizard named Ak ruled over the land of immortals and was one of the few creatures allowed to visit the human world, without interacting with them of course.

One day, Ak finds a baby in the woods. All alone in the world, he decides to take the child in and gives him to the lioness, Sheigra, to mother him. Nicelle, a beautiful fairy with the task of preparing the first nectar of the season, which Ak uses to predict the fortune of the coming years, yearns for a child of her own since immortal creatures cannot have children. Coincidentally, Ak predicts that the coming years will bring a new source of joy to the world.

Nicelle asks Sheigra if she could mother the child instead. Sheigra agrees, and Ak eventually agrees as well. Given the name Nickolas as a melding of Nicelle and Claus, meaning small one, the child grows up happily in the world of immortals, but feels like he doesn’t quite fit in since he is human and mortal. As he learns of and visits the human world he came from, seeing massive amounts of pain and suffering, especially in children, Nickolas decides to live between the worlds of humans and immortals and is given permission to freely travel between the two at any time.

He aims to bring some sense of hope and happiness to the world of human children, and the key to his goal lies in little wooden carvings he calls ‘toys’.

Breakdown: Time to start the second ever A Very Animated Holiday Special! And what better way to start off the holiday season than with the origin story of Santa himself?

If the plot synopsis puts you off, don’t let it, because this movie is actually pretty good. It’s a nice and somewhat refreshing view on the origins of the Santa tale, and they actually go through the trouble of explaining many of the aspects of a traditional Christmas in a believable way to the plot they’ve created. For example, the stocking thing started because Nickolas would put smaller toys in the socks that were hanging up to dry by the fireplace.

I liked their approach to this, even if the initial plot is a bit of a pill to swallow before we get to anything Christmas related. I mean, really, Santa came from a world of fairies and pixies and was almost raised by a lion?

I also appreciate that Santa didn’t start off immortal. They start from the very beginning with him as a baby, keep him human the whole way through, and the way they make him immortal as an old man is well-written enough. I’m surprised and almost impressed that they addressed Nickolas’ impending death because of his age.

Despite liking their story and their classic storybook-type feel to the movie, I did have my problems with it.

First of all, outside of showing that mortal beings age and die, Sheigra had no real point. Her whole character could’ve been removed and nothing would be different. I mean, I liked her because she was nice and motherly, but she didn’t have much of a point. Also, do I even need to bring up how friggin’ crazy it is to give a baby to a lion? I know she follows Ak’s orders, but she’s still feared, and even Ak was concerned she might end up eating the poor kid.

Second, it’s really hard to ignore one major problem with Nickolas aging and dying….his cat, Blinky. When Nickolas first sets out to live on his own, his friends and mother give him a cat that he names Blinky as a gift and companion. Blinky is still exactly the same kitten between when Nickolas is an adult and when he’s nearing death as an old man. Yeah, aging is a big problem for mortal creatures, but apparently not that never-aging 50 year old cat. This is even more glaring because the one animal they used to depict mortality and aging was technically a damn cat.

Third, there’s not much conflict at all in this movie. That’s not necessarily a deal-breaker since this really is just a nice whimsical tale of how Santa came into being, but the only real conflict is in the pretty pathetic Ugguwas. (Forgive me if I butcher the name, I honestly have no clue how to spell it) They’re golem-like creatures who live for causing trouble and making human children miserable. They hate Nickolas and keep trying to sabotage him because he’s making the kids happy.

They also terrorize the immortal creatures, like the pixie sidekick Wisk, to a degree, but most of them have never even seen one. It takes an inordinate amount of time for the immortals to finally do something about them, and they defeat them really easily. There really seemed to be no real point to these creatures other than to force conflict in there. Plus, their motivations were just dumb. They just like causing mayhem to the little human children and Nickolas is making the children happy. Oh no.

Overall, I was surprised at how much I really liked this movie. The animation is…..uhh……it ranges from ‘alright’ to ‘are you kidding me? Were the animators blind?’ It’s nothing great, but I’ve seen a lot worse. It reeks of that direct-to-DVD budget-y smell.

The music is actually really good……except the last song…..that was just painfully horribly constructed.

The voice acting….is something else that ranges from ‘alright’ to ‘Ew.’

Seriously, though, give it a shot. It takes a while for it to finally get into anything Christmas or Santa related, but it’s a bit of holiday fun that brings an interesting and even somewhat somber angle to the Santa tale. I was never bored while watching it, and I’d gladly watch it again.

Recommended Audience: They talk about inevitable death and Sheigra dies off-screen, but it’s completely harmless outside of that. E for everyone!


If you enjoy my work and would like to help support my blog, please consider donating at my Ko-Fi page. Thank you! ♥

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Christmas Special Review: Itsudatte My Santa! Review

Plot: A boy is left all alone every single Christmas, which makes him hate the holiday and never believe in the magic of Santa. When a girl shows up proclaiming to be Santa Claus, she wishes for nothing more than to make him happy this Christmas.

Breakdown: Let it be known that I went into this wanting to review a good stand-alone Christmas special for the holidays. Anime doesn’t get a whole lot when it comes to Christmas specials, especially stand alone features. I’ve seen the Christmas specials for Cyborg 009, Azumanga Daioh, Ai Yori Aoshi and a few others, but I’ve never really seen a stand-alone anime based on Christmas.

In comes Itsudatte My Santa – an anime special made by the same person who made Love Hina, a harem anime I’ve never seen and have never really wanted to see either.

Reviews that I’ve read about this series are ultimately mixed, but siding on the negative. In fact, the only article-based review I’ve found was completely negative. I did find some pretty positive reviews on it, though. So it seems I’m left at a crossroads. I really want this OVA to be good since it may give me another Christmas special to watch as a holiday tradition.

I made a deal with myself before I wrote this review, and even before I watched the anime, that I would post it before Christmas if I enjoyed it enough, to give people an early Christmas gift, and I would post it between Christmas and New Years if I didn’t like it, to avoid putting a damper on the holiday.

So, yeah, you can not only tell my feelings based on the rating, but also when I released the review. Hooray!

——————————————

We start off with narration and a flashback from our main lead wondering when it is that people stop believing in Santa. The normal rate, he presumes, is when children enter elementary school and start understanding reality more clearly. Or it could be due to accidentally seeing presents hidden around the house before Christmas or catching their parents in the act etc. For him, however, he never believed in Santa. His parents were always away for Christmas, and all of his gifts were mailed to him.

He was always lonely on Christmas, even if he points out that his grandma was there and even baked a Christmas cake for him every year.

Not only did his parents ditch him every Christmas, but they told him that if he was a good boy, not only would Santa come, but THEY WOULD COME BACK HOME. What dicks.

“Oh sorry son, we still can’t make it back for Christmas. Guess you must’ve been a little asshole. Maybe next year.”

He states again that, no matter how good he was, he was still alone on Christmas, even though in this very shot we see him being held back by his Grandma and whom I assume is his Grandpa beside him. I understand missing his parents every Christmas, but you can try to enjoy the holiday with your Grandparents whom seem to care about you greatly.

Thus, he doesn’t believe Santa exists and hates Christmas.

Cut back to present (hehe, puns) day where the first line we hear is a girl asking if the main character wants to spend the night with her. Everyone around them hears her, because obviously the middle of Tokyo is just so quiet, especially in the midst of Christmas, and they start gawking and chattering about what she said. She sees the blush and look of shock on the boy’s face and instantly slaps him for thinking dirty thoughts.

If there’s one thing I do know about the creator of this show, Ken Akamatsu, is that slapstick (literally) is kinda his thing, especially when it comes to males being the abuse victims.

This is completely unwarranted. This strange girl randomly walks up and the first thing out of her mouth, and the second, no less, is ‘Do you want to spend the night with me?’ ANYONE’S first thought, as portrayed by the crowd, would be instantly jumping to sexual insinuations. The main character didn’t even say anything, he just sat there with a shocked face and blushed. Yet, nope, he deserves a huge slap in the face for taking that ridiculous line and thinking it’s something dirty. Bitch.

She proclaims she’s Santa Claus and gives dreams and hopes to children, thus it’s awful to think such a thing about her, even though it was such an easily misconstrued sentence that even the cops are quickly taking her away for prostitution.

Santa got arrested for prostitution……I don’t have a joke, I just wanted to say that.

As the main character is about to leave, the girl pops up out of nowhere sans police escort and says she can detect loneliness and sadness on Christmas with her….hair antennae….Because that’s something Santa has right? She detects this in our main character, and says that, because she’s ‘Santa’ and spreads hope and dreams to children, she wants to spend the night with him to make him happier with her Santa powers—okay, now you’re just trying to sound like bad Christmas themed porn.

He runs away only to be latched onto by ‘Santa’. He keeps proclaiming that he hates Christmas and doesn’t believe in Santa, so she should just leave. She doesn’t understand how such a person could exist, so she pesters him for the reason behind his hate.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t mention the stuff with his parents first. Instead he yells that he was born on Christmas Eve and that his parents named him……Santa.

His parents…..must hate him.

I can’t really give any other explanation. The whole thing about not being there for him on Christmas is dick-ish, but maybe understandable if they had to be away for some reason. Saying they’d come home for Christmas if he was good enough was just awful. Naming him Santa is a ticket to asskicking and mocking throughout his life, let alone Christmas. Ditching him around Christmas when it’s also his birthday on Christmas eve is just terrible. Naming him Santa with all of that crap piled on top is borderline evil.

And, really, his parents named him Santa because he was born on Christmas eve? People have holiday themed names, sure. There are even people literally named ‘Christmas’ but out of all the names associated with Christmas, why choose one you really can’t recover from? One you can’t even really shoo aside with a nickname?

So….’Santa’ (the girl one) starts rolling around on the floor laughing her ass off that he’s a guy named Santa born on Christmas Eve. Yeah, you spread those hopes and dreams you bitch. And who are you to talk when you introduced yourself as freakin’ Santa Claus? Is it the whole ‘born on Christmas eve’ thing that pushed you over the edge into hilarity?

I guess we’re also supposed to take that everyone in the crowd’s laughing too since it sounds that way, but they’re not animated to be laughing.

He runs away, upset because that’s the very reaction that makes him hate Christmas—Dude, pick a lane. Do you hate Christmas and Santa because of your name and birthday or because of your insanely douchey parents?

However, girl Santa stops him, apologizes for laughing, says she’ll do anything to make him happy and begs to allow him to spend the night with her.

Seriously, you’re just doing that on purpose now.

He denies her, however, and runs away yet again.

Later, as he’s getting a drink, girl Santa arrives yet again to pester him and we get this line;

“I’ll bring you something tastier, Santa!”

She actually means, however, that she’ll dump pounds of saury on his head, because apparently another of her powers is to make things that start with ‘S’ appear from nowhere because Santa begins with S.

Airtight logic, that is.

He manages to get away again and we cut to a video arcade. Damn, I miss arcades. He’s playing a fighting game when, surprise, girl Santa pops up and says he should play a real version of that game. He gains the power of sambo, the martial art, because sambo also begins with S.

Later still, he’s gawking at a game world icon when girl Santa pops up saying a real world icon is better. She uses the power of her ‘Sample dressing room’–Okay now you’re just cheating. You can make anything a legit S word if you purposely put an S word in front of it.

“Oh gee, I’d sure love a bicycle for Christmas. But it doesn’t start with S. Hm. I know, I’d love a SUPER COOL bicycle for Christmas! *poof* Yay loopholes!”

She uses her ‘Sample’ dressing room to dress up in various outfits and tells Santa to take pictures of her. However, her outfits (and subsequent light fanservice) turns the pervy crowd’s attention to her instead of the game world icon and they start practically dogpiling on her. From how they’re bunching up on her and making grabby hands, I was expecting some huge grope fest.

They escape from the crowd only to bump into some gang leader, causing him to drop his cake. Santa offers to buy him a new one, but the gang guy says it was such a special cake that you need to order it three months in advance (?!) so he just starts beating the crap out of him.

Girl Santa won’t stand for this and kicks him in the head. She then says she and Pedro will take him on for getting in the way of her cheering up Santa. The gang believes she’s talking about Pedro San Jose, some giant guy I can’t find information on. But she’s actually talking about a small plush-toy-like Reindeer that sits on her shoulder.

Pedro the reindeer. South Park was right.

Pedro whips up a Three-Sectional Staff, because staff begins with S. I’m annoyed that they keep bringing up that these things are popping up because they start with S. We know our letters, anime. Thanks.

Isn’t this also cheating? I know S for staff, but technically the correct name for her weapon starts with T right?

She also brings up a whole bunch of other stuff that starts with S for really no reason whatsoever like a set square, a salamander, a seafood gourmet set and a samba festival.

The gang leader is sick of girl Santa’s games and starts fighting her again while Santa leaves. However, through the power of sloppy editing, he decides to also join in the fight.

He knocks out the gang leader, but the gang wants revenge. Pedro’s now powered up by the fact that Santa helped them fight, so they dump a truckload of saury on the gang, showing that his power is 30% increased.

They make their escape and we cut back to Santa’s house where girl Santa, now introduced as Mai (get it? Mai and Santa…..My Santa?) is taking a shower. Oh thank god. I was worried we wouldn’t see anyone shower in this Christmas special.

Mai says she’s A Santa Claus, implying there are several, and that she’s currently in training.

Mai tells him not to peek at her, but he says he wouldn’t anyway because of her ‘baby-ish figure’ (IE Small boobs) and that he likes women who are more filled out.

She gets insulted and points out the fact that she is more buxom when she’s transforms, but she can’t transform due to lack of power since fewer and fewer people are believing. Why…why do so many Christmas specials use the ‘Santa’s running out of power because fewer people are believing in him’ plot line? It is the plot of a bulk of Christmas specials involving Santa. It’s ridiculous.

Santa picks up Pedro, which apparently is a big nono since this prompts Mai to open the door to the shower and warn him about it, even if nothing happens. Then she throws everything she can at him for looking at her naked body when he said he wouldn’t. Another thing that is not his fault.

If someone suddenly opened the door while in the shower, it’s kinda hard not to look. But nope, he deserves to get all sorts of crap thrown at him and somehow what I think is a fridge crushing him.

See, even he points out that it’s her fault. Bitch.

Later, Mai says that she was warning him not to pick up Pedro because he tends to bite strangers. Remember that, because it never matters. Mai points out that it’s dark and empty in his apartment, and he whines some more about his birthday and Christmas. He says his parents are always away on work related stuff and never come home all year round. Wow, really? They never even visit? These guys are total asswipes.

He also says he never has anyone to celebrate any holidays with because of this even though, again, his freakin’ Grandparents, at the very least his Grandma, seem to have taken care of him and were there for him on holidays.

Him saying that he’s always alone over and over prompts a flashback to his mother calling him on Christmas apologizing for not being able to make it but saying that she always thinks of him and loves him. I should mention that child-Santa is being held up by his loving grandmother as he’s on the phone and is even holding the phone for him because he’s having a massive attack of uber-drama.

Immediately after that shot we see him with his special Christmas cake while sitting next to his loving Grandmother.

He says a present he received this year was a photo of his parents happily standing with to a bunch of happy children……Are his parents Satan? Is that really why they named him Santa? So they have that big letter shifting plot twist where he discovers what his family really is? Because that is just…..wow. So horrible.

Mai asks if he has any friends to spend the holiday with. He says he has some, but they ask him to take pictures of them, yet no one asks to see his pictures. This is somehow grounds for saying they constantly take advantage of him. Ever think they may not ask to see your Christmas related photos because they know how upset you might get about it? Considering you really have none? Or do you mean photos in general? Maybe they’re not interested in photography.

Mai hugs him and says her Grandpa and others must’ve known about him for years yet never did anything about it….for no reason. Yeah, that’ll make him want to support Santas. However, she says she’ll stay with him through the holidays and even wants to make him a birthday party.

We get our commercial break eyecatch that even includes Ken Akamatsu’s name in the corner. Because he’s really proud of this for some reason.

Cut back to Santa and Mai where she’s actually created a really nice last minute party for him. It’s only the two of them, but it’s still well decorated. And look, she made him all sorts of food. I’m sure it’s delicious, because the whole ‘can’t cook worth a crap’ cliché is way too overdone for Mr. Akamatsu—oh look the food’s horrible.

To be fair, that is the funniest shot of the OVA, but you’d think he’d realize that it would be awful beforehand because the food certainly didn’t look appetizing.

I mean, come on, that plate to the left looks like raw sewage and it has an eyeball in it! Plus, I can’t imagine any of that smells pleasant. What is wrong with him?

I’m even more confused by this because can’t she just magically make food appear? At least food that begins with S? She made human beings appear from nothing, surely she can poof up some GOOD strawberry shortcake….steak….sausages….shellfish….squash. You get the idea.

He says he’ll eat the rest after nearly passing out from one bite and accidentally shoves the food in her mouth, causing a violent spicy reaction. So….what is actually wrong with the food? Is it disgusting, super spicy or both? And why did she say he tricked her into eating it? He didn’t trick her; he accidentally shoved it in her mouth while trying to sit up.

He laughs and seems like he’s having fun. He even says that, despite the fact that Mai has no boobs, at least he’s with a girl. Mai gets understandably mad. She made you a nice party and then you turn around and call her flatchested? Jerk.

Then she starts blathering that she spends all her time training to be a Santa and has no time to even find a boyfriend.

Prompted by absolutely nothing, Mai demands that he show her his sweetheart and snatches his wallet from…his shirt? First off, this is the first mention that he has a sweetheart. I have no clue why she even thought he had one considering he keeps going on about how alone he is. Second, what guy keeps their wallet in their shirt?

He does indeed have a sweetheart, but it’s just a crush on his senpai. He then laments that she probably has a date right now, being Christmas eve. Will you cheer up, there, Charlie Brown?

Mai then asks if he knows what Christmas really is. He says it’s the birthday of Jesus Christ. She says he’s right. Even though others are preoccupied with dates and gifts, they’re celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ….It really bothers me when Christmas specials just flippantly mix Jesus and Santa versions of Christmas. I guess there’s nothing inherently wrong with it…unless you’re that BC special I reviewed last year, but it’s just so weird.

It’s been nothing but Santa talk this whole special and now all of a sudden we’re talkin’ Jesus. It’s even weirder because her power runs on people believing in Santa, yet many Christian/Catholic families don’t like to spread the Santa story to their children because they feel it takes away from the recognition of Jesus’ birthday.

She tells Santa to look out at the lights of the city and realize that someone under those lights cares about him and is thinking of him that very moment. Santa instantly agrees because one pep talk reverses 16-ish years of emotional trauma, and Santa says Mai must be some kind of holy person. She says she is, of course, a holy person since she’s Santa Claus….Santa’s a holy person now? Well, he is based on a saint, I suppose.

Santa basically rolls his eyes and nods along with her while Mai vehemently states that she is a Santa Claus. Dude, how much magic has she done in front of you? Is it really that hard to believe that she’s actually Santa?

She pesters him about believing that she’s Santa Claus. Whether it be to get her off his back or because he actually does believe, he agrees that she’s Santa. Once that’s settled, she tells him to close his eyes and kisses him. She tells him that Santa Clauses are able to transfer happiness to another person through kissing, so he’ll be super happy now….Why didn’t you just do that before then?

Just then, Santa’s crush, Minako, calls him up inviting him to a party. He’s super excited about the invitation and graciously accepts, but Mai hangs up the phone in the middle of his conversation. He’s angered by her actions, but she says that it’s her magic and only his dream….Yeah, his dream….of being happy on Christmas….with his crush….that you just hung up on.

Santa scoffs at the concept of magic and says she’s old enough to distinguish reality from fantasy. Santa’s magic doesn’t exist in this world, and he’ll never believe that it does unless Santa himself stands before him…Dude. She has done tons of magic in front of you. What is your deal? Are you blind? Some of the stuff she did could be magic tricks, but she made fish rain from the sky! What evidence do you need?…..Granted, none of what she’s done so far could really be called ‘Santa magic’ but still.

Mai is incredibly upset at this and says she did everything she’s done for him tonight because she fell in love with him….You’ve known him for no less than two maybe three hours. And all he’s done is yell and mope about his dickhead parents the entire time. You had that one laugh at the party, that’s it. Are you really that hard up for a boyfriend?

She runs off and Santa also runs off saying he’ll never believe in Santa or magic (*sigh*) He runs to the party that his crush is attending, and she reveals that she didn’t call him. Santa realizes it was Mai’s ‘magic’ that…I dunno, fabricated the phone call and conversation to invite Santa down to the party because she knew they really wanted him there? Oh so that’s proof she has magic, but not the other stuff. Yeah okay, Santa.

Also, doesn’t this just raise the question of, if Mai’s the one who made the phone call…why did she hang up?

Anyway, the group proclaims that they’ve invited him to Christmas parties numerous times and he just prefers to be alone so they were surprised he arrived. See? It’s not the other people who are the problem, it’s Santa. He’s so hellbent on wanting his jackass parents around for Christmas that he denies everyone around him who actually want to celebrate with him. He complains about not having anyone to celebrate with when he turns down all offers. He’s not content being a Grinch – he actively pursues it.

And why was he so excited to be invited to the party if Makino and the others invited him to parties several times yet turned them down?

They decide that since he finally decided to join them for a change that they’ll take this opportunity to celebrate Santa’s birthday alongside Christmas eve. Then we get a flashback telling us that Santa has indeed had big parties for his birthday and Christmas every year with huge crowds of kids and his grandmother.

…………………..YOU FRIGGIN’ LIAR! You spent the last 20 minutes telling us how you were all alone for Christmas and your birthday every year and yet we get a flashback to this

and one of his friends saying this happened every year when they were younger.

Oh but Mai’s narration is like ‘You have people who want to want to be with you. You just never noticed.’ Oh yeah he sure looks like he doesn’t notice the huge room of people singing to him and dancing with him celebrating his birthday and Christmas with him. I can see how that’d be hard to miss. I never even had a birthday party like that. What a massive steaming load.

Santa suddenly feels guilty for telling Mai off and excuses himself from the party to apologize to her. As he’s leaving, his friends keep saying they’ll be waiting for him. Yeah, they sure sound like they take advantage of you, you ass.

Back with Mai at the town Christmas tree where they first met, Mai is lamenting over her night….and seriously, they really couldn’t have known each other for more than a few hours considering it’s still the same night and the same people are on the street. She says she gave all of her power to Santa and hopes he’s finally found a little happiness.

Santa arrives on the scene and apologizes to her. He says he’s not deserving of her happiness power and gives it back by giving her a kiss at the strike of midnight. This prompts her magical girl transformation sequence, and it’s probably one of the dumbest I’ve seen.

She’s becoming a true Santa, I guess, and in order to be that, I guess, she needs a bigger ass, bigger boobs (both of which grow before our eyes) and a sexy Santa outfit from Party City. She also seems to grow taller, get blue eyes, blond hair and a deeper voice. Because those are definite staples of every Santa….???

Pedro also transforms into an actual reindeer and a sleigh comes out of nowhere.

Santa apologizes again, even for calling her flatchested….the only reason you’re apologizing for that is because she’s got a huge rack now. Mai takes him out on the sleigh to deliver presents. She kisses all the kids on the head as she leaves their rooms….which just makes this creepier than the actual Santa myth.

♪ He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake, he breaks into your house and kisses you in your bed. ♪

Mai asks if there’s anything Santa wants for Christmas, and that she can make it happen as long as it begins with S…..Gee I hope all those kids wished for toys that began with S….and if they did, that’s insanely convenient.

He says no……wha—wish to be with your parents you dumb sack of reindeer crap. It should be pretty easy to tag an S onto that. Mai takes him to some…it’s not an orphanage because the kids have parents…Schoo–No, they’re living there……dayca….someplace with a lot of kids from poor families and explains how, despite the fact that they can’t get an education to become their dreams, like doctors, they have *gasp* Santa’s parents there for them to teach them.

They’re….news photographers? How will that help that kid be a doctor? They traveled the world and realized the kids needed their help, so they decided to sacrifice their desire to be with their son because they have to stay in whatever country this is to help the kids.

……But honestly, they can’t visit? Not even once? It’s a nice sentiment but still a major dick move. They basically sacrificed their son’s childhood and every moment they could’ve had with him growing up, just to…do something never adequately explained for these kids.

These kids have parents, they have housing, they have food, what’s keeping Santa’s parents from just visiting their son once in his entire life? Why wouldn’t they ever think to save up for a plane ticket and invite him there to spend the holidays with all the kids?

And I would say ‘don’t tell me that Santa never knew about this’, but either way it’s stupid. If he did never know about this, then that makes his parents out to look even worse because they never bothered to explain how important whatever they’re doing is for these kids, and they just sent him a random Christmas picture of them with happy kids to their unhappy kid back home.

If he did know about it, then he’s incredibly selfish and immature. Sure, it sucks to never see your parents, especially on your birthday or Christmas, but if you know that they’re doing it for the sake of some poor kids, if you know that they still love you and miss you deeply and still try to contact you whenever they can, then eventually you mature and understand.

You talk with them on the phone whenever you can, exchange photos and take the love of those around you as much as possible. You don’t basically become a big fat Shinji-Grinch and claim to hate Christmas and your birthday and then mope about how no one wants to spend those special holidays with you, especially when it’s shown that you do and have celebrated just fine in the past with huge groups of people, friends and family alike!

Just then, Santa’s mom calls him to tell him the same things she always does – she can’t be there for Christmas, she’s sorry but she loves him and misses him dearly. Santa interrupts and says he’s not a baby anymore. He now understands that their work is important and, while he misses them, he roots for them to achieve their goals with the kids.

The call is interrupted because more bad editing (also, how did Santa’s parents not see or hear them? They were right behind them and he was taking the call while he was ten feet away. Does her magic make them invisible and inaudible?) as we cut to the next scene.

Outside with Mai and Santa, she tells him that they sent pictures of them with the kids every year to let him know how much their work means to the kids. They sent him a camera so he could send them pictures of himself and his friends back……So, yeah….all of this is really Santa’s fault.

As a kid, it’s more understandable, even if that screenshot from before is pretty dramatized even for a kid, but he’s in college or something now. He’s held onto a dumb childish grudge just because he wanted to. He was unhappy because he kept purposely looking for reasons to be unhappy.

He thanks Mai for bringing him to the….homeless shelter? For kids? I still don’t know. And he wishes a merry Christmas to his Grandma, his parents and his friends back home…..who, by the way, are still waiting for him to return….and it’s probably been hours….Dick.

They then run into a whole slue of Santas….because….it makes for a cool shot?

Also, I guess multiple Santas at least helps the whole issue of it not being feasible that Santa could visit every single house in the world in one night, but it still raises a lot of other questions.

Santa puts his head in Mai’s lap—Whoa there, bro. She only LOOKS like a prostitute.

He asks if he’ll see her again, and she says she’ll visit next year and bring him a gift if he’s good. Then Santa restates word for word the opening narration about believing in Santa, but he follows it up by saying that people should just keep the faith, because Santa is indeed real. If Santa is real….why do parents pretend to be him? Why don’t parents question where the kids get random gifts on Christmas?

The end.

Our ending credits show still shots of Mai and the other female Santa who flew by them in a couple costumes.

After the credits, we get a short scene with Mai, now back to her regular form, at Santa’s door stating she can’t get back home because she used up all of her magic power the night before. So I guess she has to stay with Santa until she gets enough power again.

http://www.sadtrombone.com/

Here’s where things get….different. Apparently, only this episode was based on the manga. The other was specifically made for the anime. They basically forced continuation on the story for no reason. And…I don’t even see what this next episode has to do with Christmas from the preview because it looks like it takes place in summer and is a beach episode.

Art and Animation: The art is passable. The animation is poor in most spots, and the editing is flat out terrible. It was produced by Three Fat Samurai, who don’t seem to have many series under their belts, and the only other series from them that I recognize is Papa to Kiss in the Dark, another thing I need to tackle, but I don’t know if I’ll be in the mood for that squickiness.

Music: Nothing special.

Voice Acting: Japanese – It was somewhat flat, actually. It didn’t seem like they were really putting much effort into their roles except maybe Mai’s VA, but she was a little annoying.

Bottom Line: This is a stupid, nonsensical mess of a Christmas special. Santa is just a mopey sad sack, and, in the end, most of his so-called problems with Christmas are his own fault. Mai’s pushy and falls in love with Santa way too quickly, not to mention predictably and stupidly. She has a kind heart, but that’s about it. Everything about the story is insanely stupid and directly contradicts itself many times. Not to mention that they don’t even explain what these Santas really are.

Christmas specials have a certain right in being cheesy and even having an unbelievable story, but this doesn’t even seem to capture the feeling of Christmas, despite the fact that ‘Santa’ and ‘Christmas’ are said so many times you’d think it was produced in the North Pole.

It does no real damage in terms of message, it’s just a waste of time. You’d be much better off watching a Christmas special for basically any other anime, even if you’ve never seen the rest of the show. I’m pretty much wishing I had reviewed Tokyo Godfathers this Christmas instead.

Additional Information and Notes: Itsudatte My Santa! was directed by Noriyoshi Nakamura, who also directed numerous episodes of Mister Ajikko, and it was based on a manga by Ken Akamatsu. It was produced by TNK, and is currently licensed in the US by Funimation.

Episodes: 2

Year: 2005

Recommended Audience: A few shots of boobs, one or two bare ass shots, because nudity’s needed in Christmas specials right? Other than that, nothing. 14+


If you enjoy my work and would like to help support my blog, please consider donating at my Ko-Fi page. Thank you! ♥

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com