The Salty Anime Challenge Day 8: Least Favorite Genre(s)

This one’s really a no brainer – harem anime.

I’m really slamming harem anime lately…..I might want to rephrase that.

I even wrote a while back about my distaste of the genre. Long story short, while it’s definitely not meant for me in the first place, harems are some of the laziest shows you can get your hands on. Flat, uninteresting Gary Stu main lead, meet 4-7 insanely beautiful girls you’d have a little to no chance with in real life who fill the criteria of traditional harem characters such as glasses girl, lolicon fodder, childhood friend who is most likely the main love interest, tough and loud chick, and whore.

Gasp and giggle as MC gets himself into all sorts of wacky shenanigans like accidentally groping one of them, accidentally seeing one of them naked, accidentally causing a big misunderstanding that will make main love interest probably punch him and accidentally falling in love because the writers said so.

Let’s not forget the squabbling.

‘He’s my uninteresting male protagonist!’

‘No he’s mine!’

‘Let’s settle this with a boob groping fight in the hot spring!’

…Alright, that’s an exaggeration, but not by much.

I forgot to mention the overly dramatic ones, like H2O or School Days, but that’s a whole different can of worms that still basically works on the same foundation. The same tropes still happen, but they’re surrounded by ultra-drama that is usually capped off with an insane and ridiculous ending.

Not all harems are completely lazy or irredeemable, in fact there are some that are fairly good, but I’ve found that, as a whole, the genre is a minefield of pointless, badly written pandering that I am more than glad to actively avoid.

The Salty Anime Challenge Day 7: A Character that Ruined (Or Almost Ruined) A Show for You

I was this close to starting up a full post on a certain character from Inuyasha before I flipped through some anime listings and remembered the rightful heir to this throne.

What are you looking for, Heroine? Emotions? Personality? Character? Reactions?

Heroine from Amnesia. I’ve mentioned a few times now that I don’t like Amnesia much at all, and I really need to get around to actually posting the review of it sometime (My backlog uploading is stupid), but I’ve come to realize that nearly all of my issues are centered on the main heroine…..Heroine.

If you’re unfamiliar with Amnesia, it’s a reverse harem anime with a premise that’s actually not bad. The main character is bumped into by a fairy named Orion, which causes her to lose her memories entirely. Not only does she remember nothing of herself or her life, but she skips through different versions of her reality. Each version has her dating one of several boys in her life. She has to pretend like she’s the Heroine from each reality while Orion tries to restore her memories and get her back to her reality.

So far so good. I actually mentioned in my review how this is basically a perfect reverse harem anime concept because one of the main problems with these types of shows is that they try to get all of the pairings shown with one main pairing being aimed for, but it either comes off as ridiculous or like the MC is playing everyone. With alternate realities, you can have the MC be with everyone and never shall the plots interfere with each other nor shall the MC look like a two-timer.

However, the only way to truly make this work to its potential is with two factors.

1 – The main character has to be likable, interesting and compelling. She is the one constant here, afterall.

2 – The varying realities should explore Heroine having different pasts and personalities as well as having each world be different enough for it to not just be ‘the world where she’s dating (blank).’

I’ll just let you guess whether the series hit these marks or not.

By far, the biggest issue Amnesia has is in Heroine because, as you can tell from her name (Heroine is her only name because she’s never given an actual one in the series) she is piece of cardboard. No wait, cardboard can sometimes be useful.

I have never seen such a useless, flat non-character of nothingness in my life. She always, ALWAYS, has this stupid blank look on her face and just goes along with everything that’s going on. She never has any sort of emotional reaction to anything (even being imprisoned in a cage by one of the love interests) or an opinion or anything. She’s always quiet, non-reactive and static.

She is the epitome of Mary S—You know, what? No. She’s not a Mary Sue, because they’re meant to be people that, while you can copy/paste yourself onto them, you’re supposed to want to be them. Why would anyone want to be ReverseHaremProtagonistBot model number 0000000000?

I get it – she has amnesia, so her personality is affected, but having no memories doesn’t mean you have no personality. Even if it did, that does not make for a compelling character at all to say the least.

You’d think she’d at least have some good personalities in the various realities to talk about and explore….Well, if she does, they never tell us. The best explanation we get of any of them is in one reality she recently took up singing and wasn’t all that good at it…..that’s it.

I can typically find some way to forgive a show for having such a terrible, poorly written lead if the story is at least good – at the very least, I try not to let it ruin a good thing – but the problem is that the entire story, damn near all of it, is fully centered on her. She’s the one with the lost memories, she’s the one hopping dimensions every week, she’s the focus of the attention of all of the guys, somehow, – she is the focal point of everything and she’s a character as weak as gas station toilet paper.

She’s infuriatingly boring and bland. I can’t even believe such a thing exists. She’s an anomaly.

Outside of one psycho instance, the rest of the show is perfectly fine, even pretty good, reverse harem fare. While the art’s a little too pretty (colors will sometimes punch you in the eye), the guys are all slickly drawn eye-candy (barring the outfits sometimes) and the environments are absolutely gorgeously detailed. It’d be a great indulgence to keep going back to….if she wasn’t around.

Runner-Up: The aforementioned Inuyasha character was Naraku. I really felt like he outgrew his welcome several times over, and his shtick was getting so old I quit the series about 30 episodes from the end only to pick it back up once Final Act was done airing. And really, I just wanted to see him finally die.

I considered Yuka from 11Eyes for this, but I’m trying not have repeats in this challenge.

SSBS – Cardfight!! Vanguard Episode 13: Shop Tournament Winner Crowned!

SSBS CFV EP 13

Plot: The Card Capital Tournament is coming to a close. Kai has defeated Misaki, and now it’s down to Kamui and Aichi’s last few turns to decide who gets to have a rematch with Kai. When the victor is chosen, will Kai fall in the finals or will his ego remain unscathed?

Breakdown: Holy shit…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aichi lost.

 

 

 

 

 

To Kamui.

I honestly wasn’t expecting that at all. The way they were building it up, I thought for sure he’d make it to the finals and then get trounced by Kai to get a personal lesson delivered by Mr. Ego himself, but nope. Kamui took Aichi down.

He did it in a spectacular way, I might add. That is definitely my favorite match so far. Aichi went down fighting like friggin’ champ, but that Soul Blast of Kamui’s was too much for the poor guy. The fact that he was strategically building that up for so long was impressive to say the least. Kamui is a very strategic player, and it’s fascinating to watch him play sometimes.

This is the first time we really see Aichi upset about losing. After each defeat, Aichi tends to just be happy playing the game, learning and making friends. This time is different since it meant he lost his chance to have a rematch with Kai, which was what he was looking forward to the entire time. He also took it as proof that he really wasn’t strong enough to take Kai on again, which I think is something he needed to learn. Though, I think he’d just be happy fighting Kai again, win or lose.

Aichi is down for a while, but his friends pick him back up and he enjoys the tail end of the finals, admiring it as being a match currently beyond his level, but hoping he can one day roll with the big dogs.

Speaking of the finals, that was something I was concerned about before I even watched the episode. The next episode preview showed the title of the episode – “Shop Tournament Champion Crowned!” Why is that a problem?

Let me ask you, doesn’t it sound like Aichi and Kamui’s match takes up quite a bit of time?

It does. More than half the episode.

How could they crown the champ in the piddly amount of time they have left?

Simple. They amputate 99% of the match and only show their last turns.

Love. Ly.

Yeah, we’ve just been watching this tournament for like four episodes now. Why would we want to see the main event? If Aichi’s not battling, who cares, right? Not like Kamui’s totally awesome to me lately or anything. PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

That is the one mar of this otherwise incredible episode. You can dedicate one more episode to the final match. Time management is key, guys. Be better.

Other than that, we get some insight into Misaki’s role in this tournament. We finally learn why she joined the tournament to begin with (Shin forced her) and we clearly see that she was drastically affected by her loss at the hands of Kai and has gained a better appreciation, if not passion, for the game in its entirety. I like that they actually bothered to include this as some subtle character development, and I look forward to Misaki’s matches in the future.

But wait, there’s more!

Shin reveals that this whole tournament was designed as a selection process for the upcoming Vanguard national tournament, because of course it was. I’ll give it a pass because they started with a small tournament first before chucking the characters into a national tournament.

Everyone who made it to the semi-finals gets to represent Card Capital in the national tournament after they pass a regional qualifier, meaning they’ll all be teammates. Whoo!

If I can say one last thing, someone please knock Kai down a peg. Between his beating Misaki and Kamui without so much as thinking about sweating, I feel like his ego won’t fit in the stadium during the tournament.

Kamui’s still doing his dumb joke shtick, but that’s fine because this episode was pretty awesome…barring the finals (seriously, one more episode, guys. Just one. Half of one, even.) I’m looking forward to what the next tournament has to offer.

Rating: 8.5/10

Next episode, Aichi needs to prep for the upcoming tournament.

…Previous Episode

The Salty Anime Challenge Day 6: A Show That You Wanted to Like (Due to the Synopsis) but Couldn’t

The show that most came to mind with this prompt was 11Eyes.

What is up with your pose, Yuka? “Eugh I dropped my keys!”

The main plot is very interesting. A group of teenagers are suddenly thrust into an alternate version of their world that is signified by a blood red sky and blackened moon. They never know when they’ll be shifted into the Red Night or brought back home. It happens randomly.

In this reality, they realize that they each have strange powers. One of them can summon and utilize a variety of different swords, another controls fire, another has a sociopathic superhuman fighting machine alter ego, etc. They soon encounter the Black Knights who similarly have powers and want to kill the group. Mysteries surround the Red Night, including the introduction of a girl who looks nearly identical to the main character, Kakeru’s, deceased sister, and an imprisoned girl named Lisellotte who begs to be freed.

The premise looked very intriguing to me, and the first few episodes had me locked in…..but wow did that go downhill fast. Many elements of the show really aren’t that bad, and I quite enjoyed many characters such as Takahisa, Yukiko and Misuzu, and the battle between Misuzu and one of the black knights, Superbia, was quite memorable, even if Misuzu went through a period of useless lumpness near the tail end of the series.

Yuka and the ending demolished this entire series for me, though.

Yuka is Kakeru’s childhood friend who obviously has a crush on him and clings to him like a small child with a teddy bear. Since Yuka’s powers are not shown until the very end, she’s essentially an entirely useless character outside of being damsel in distress bait for a majority of the series. But she’s a main character! What do!?

I know! Let’s have her be a crazy psychotic jealous bitch out of nowhere!

Kakeru and Misuzu start getting closer because she’s trying to train him to fight and utilize his powers, and Yuka doesn’t like that. She starts getting insanely jealous and goes off the deep end fast. And when I say she goes off the deep end I mean she licks blood off of Misuzu because she saw Kakeru do it, not knowing what they were doing, starts talking to a stuffed penguin like it’s Kakeru, gives zero shits about the safety of anyone else but Kakeru (Not reading into it. She says it straight out) and there was that little instance of attempted murder when she sneaks a RAZOR BLADE INTO MISUZU’S TEA!

Fans of the show seem to justify her insane and terrible behavior by saying Kakeru’s all she has left in the world and she felt like he was abandoning her, but screw you, no. Her being upset and jealous at believing she’s losing Kakeru to Misuzu, understandable. Her even going a little nutso because of it and talking to stuffed penguins, fine. Being an obsessed, uncaring, psychopathic attempted murdering bitch because of it? No.

Did I mention that Lisellotte’s the main villain and Yuka frees her from her prison for absolutely no reason whatsoever? Because there’s that too.

And for those believing Kakeru is indeed an ass because of this, he’s really not. Even after Yuka’s seemingly dead, he refuses to let himself get emotionally close to Misuzu because he believes it’s a betrayal to Yuka. Iffy physical stuff happens between them, but it’s basically ‘the plot said so’ because it’s stuff meant to make him stronger…..even if one of those things is just flatout sex…..This is show is dumb. Good premise. Dumb execution.

The Salty Anime Challenge Day 5: What is Something That You Would Change in Your Least Favourite Anime That Would Make You Like It?

Everything.

Come on, have some mercy. I chose Eiken for this. EIKEN. I could write a college thesis for this entry.

Alright, alright.

The main thing that I really think would’ve helped Eiken be better is I wish Eiken had been more self-aware and had been more of a parody of ecchi instead of being one of the worst examples of it. It seems like it’s trying to go there sometimes because the jokes are just so obvious and in your face that you think it has to be a parody, but it’s not. They’re just lazy and making the stupidest and most obvious jokes they can.

They had the foundation for a parody right in the premise. Those ginormous boobs could’ve been a parody in themselves, but nope. They’re just used as really poorly made fanservice.

Truth be told, I can’t even understand how the people with a massive boob fetish get into this. The overall art and animation are terrible (manga included) and the colors are so ugly it’s like someone’s jamming randomly selected crayons into my eye sockets.

Look at these uniforms.

 

Yellow. Lime Green. Red. And Purple. What are the bows even about? They look so awkwardly placed.

I’m going to stop myself now because I’m going off into another Eiken tangent. I just don’t understand anything about this show’s existence.

The Salty Anime Challenge Day 4: The First Anime You Hated And/Or Dropped

Yikes. You’re going to make me trudge into ‘Goddamn, I’m old’ territory and look up…..My first reviews.

And I mean like the old old stuff that hasn’t even seen the Madhouse.

I do believe that honor goes to the dumpster fire that is School Days.

I don’t have much left to say about this series that hasn’t already been said by others or I haven’t personally said. At the bare bones, it’s a stupid harem anime with one of the worst main characters ever.

But when you really get down to it, School Days is just mean-spirited and makes you feel awful for watching it.

Admittedly, back in the day, I said I gave it some points for being so ridiculously over dramatized and stupid that it had some entertainment value in that regard. However, now that I am far more schooled (no pun intended) on anime, the series as a whole isn’t ridiculously over dramatized enough to stand out that much. It just decided to have the main character actually sleep with all of these girls as opposed to just wacky ecchi shenanigans or making out.

When you get down to it, though this show is really only remembered for the batshit ending.

Let me save you a headache for those who haven’t watched it. Sekai, Kotonoha and Makoto are in a love triangle. Makoto’s a dick to both of them and cheats on both of them without a care in the world, but ultimately chooses Kotonoha because he felt bad for emotionally breaking her through his dickishness (and she got raped by his best friend, but this doesn’t even seem like it’s a real plot point at all) Sekai is pregnant with Makoto’s kid, but maybe not. She doesn’t take being dumped well, so she viciously stabs him to death.

Kotonoha finds his body, beheads him, kills Sekai, slices up her body to prove she’s not pregnant (or maybe was?) then spends her last days on a raft in the middle of the ocean while clutching the severed head of Makoto.

Got all that? Good.

The ending catches people off guard because nothing alludes to it beforehand. It’s a brutal, bloody murder followed by another brutal, bloody murder in the tail end of a harem anime. Granted, the games have several bloody bad ends, so this might not have been a shock to people who had played the (Hentai) games before, but still.

Either that, or people were cheering their heads off that Makoto was killed at the end because he was such a massive douchewhistle. Bonus points for Sekai for some, though that might be controversial if she was indeed pregnant (they never made that clear.)

Then there’s the controversy that sprung around it back when it was first released. In many versions of the series, the blood is painted black to censor it so it looks like Makoto bleeds oil (I wouldn’t be surprised to be honest). They censored it because the ending episodes were being released right as a string of murders were happening in Japan. Upon first release, they didn’t even show the episode and instead showed some clips of boats – which is what spawned the ‘Nice boat’ meme.

If you ignore the ending, all the series is about is Makoto banging most of the cast of female characters and giving zero shits about who he hurts. You’re constantly wondering why Makoto is so highly sought after when he has absolutely no redeeming traits, and around every corner there’s someone else being a dick to someone. You root for no one. You like no one. And past me was overtly generous to give it a 2/5 score. I may have been easy on it in the original review, but I definitely believe this was the first anime I ever really hated, especially as time went on.

Pokemon Episode 47 Analysis – A Chansey Operation

Pokemon Ep47 title

CotD(s): Dr. Proctor – A creepy pedophile, Proctor is a human doctor who is forced to take the role of a Pokemon doctor during an emergency. In addition to being a creeper, Proctor is also very lazy and sometimes uncaring as he blows off the well-being of Pokemon when he can help them all because he wants to laze about. Despite this, he does have many skills in both medicine and…medical combat? Is that a thing? Make that a thing.

Reappears?: No (Thank God)

Pokemon: None.

Plot: As Ash and the others take a break in the woods, Pikachu suddenly falls ill. It has an apple lodged in its throat, but there’s no Pokemon Center nearby, so they opt to go to a human hospital. There, they meet the lazy and pervy Dr. Proctor, who seems to be the only person working there. He initially refuses to treat Pikachu since he’s not a Pokemon doctor, but agrees once he pervs on Misty for a bit.

He saves Pikachu, but as Ash and co. are about to leave, the hospital gets a distress call. Team Rocket has overturned a truck filled with Pokemon they were trying to steal. The Pokemon Center is full, so Joy asks Proctor to help out. He doesn’t want to, but agrees anyway.

He recruits Ash, Misty and Brock to be medical assistants and they get to work. As they treat the Pokemon, Ash is shocked to find one of the victims is Team Rocket’s Arbok. He doesn’t want to treat Arbok since it belongs to Team Rocket, but Proctor treats it without hesitation, stating that doctors don’t judge their patients – they just heal.

Team Rocket is soon recruited to help out. Everything goes alright until Proctor is knocked out with his own anesthetic on accident. Ash and the others decide to carry on by themselves since the Pokemon still need help. Meanwhile, Team Rocket gets up to no good.

They ambush Ash and co. with robotic ‘stretcher catchers’ and are about to steal all of the Pokemon in the building, but a Chansey stops them. Team Rocket tries to attack with Arbok and Weezing, but they refuse to fight Chansey since it helped treat them.

Proctor wakes up and scares Team Rocket away with his medical tools. Ash and the others finish up the treatments and head off on their adventure yet again.

———————————-

– Narrator: “What our heroes don’t know is there’s no Pokemon Center around for miles. So they’ll have to try the next best thing.” Wow, thanks, Narrator, for telling us the information that we’ll learn in literally seconds.

– That’s a hospital, not a regular doctor’s office. Why and how is it closed? Especially when there’s a doctor there.

– Wait, where the hell is everyone? Why is this hospital only being tended by one doctor? Are there no patients around if he was off taking a nap despite being the only doctor in the hospital that’s on call? The receptionists aren’t even there. Is the health care system in Pokemon really THAT bad that they can’t properly staff a hospital?

– Dr. Proctor’s a pedophile. Let’s just get that out of the way. He has a very clear hard-on for Misty. He hits on all women it seems, but that doesn’t change the fact that he clearly wants to play doctor with a ten-year-old girl.

– He completely ignores the other two kids at the door and drags Misty over to examine her when there’s been no indication that she’s the patient.

Pokemon Ep47 Screen1

– Behold, one of the only times where it’s easier to find a human doctor than it is to find a Pokemon Center.

– Dr. Proctor: “I’ve just never been able to refuse requests from young girls.” I’ll bet you haven’t. That ambulance our front isn’t even an ambulance, is it? You just painted a red cross on a windowless van.

– Dr. Proctor: (After listening to Pikachu’s heart) “There’s something stuck in its throat.” You could tell that from listening to his heart and not, oh, I dunno, looking in his mouth? Also, if something’s really stuck in Pikachu’s throat that badly, would he not be dead by now?

Misty: “Oh no!” Oh no—wait, we knew that already. Brock figured that out before we even started running here. It’s a good thing that Brock eventually goes off to become a doctor because you’re terrible.

– Dr. Proctor: (After testing Pikachu’s body for electricity levels) “The electric pressure in its body is rather low. We’ll have to give it an electric charge!”….After you give him the Heimlich, right?….Because the main issue….is the choking….How is his electricity even being affected by this? His heart rate sounds fine, but his electric pressure is tanking? Try listening to his lungs. I doubt he’s breathing properly because of the OBSTRUCTION IN HIS THROAT!

– Dr. Proctor: “Pikachu would need about 10,000 volts.” How would know that when you explicitly stated that you’re not a Pokemon doctor? Is that common knowledge?

Dr. Proctor: “Alright, CLEAR!” *Everyone runs away* It’s a defibrillator, guys, not a grenade. Clear just means clear the patient of every part of you that’s touching them.

– I’m no doctor, but certainly jamming your hand down the patient’s throat, especially when it’s a small mouse, is one of the worse ways to dislodge an obstruction in the airway.

Pokemon Ep47 Screen2
His hand has to be touching intestines.

– Also, Pikachu had a softball-sized apple lodged in its throat. Pikachu should be long since dead by now.

For that matter, Pikachu’s a complete dumbass (with poor table manners) for trying to eat an apple whole.

– Dr. Proctor: “If you had waited any longer, serious respiratory complications would have arisen.” Like….choking to death? And go to hell with your ‘waiting’ because you dicked around juicing Pikachu up when you could’ve been making him not die.

By the way, I’m quite certain having a huge apple lodged in your throat for twenty minutes (or at all) probably did cause respiratory problems. Pikachu likely has severe damage to his throat now, no thanks to your man-handling the apple.

Dr. Proctor: “Though, I have to say, it was very irresponsible of you as a Trainer to let your Pikachu eat this thing whole.”

Ash: “I didn’t LET it!” Eeehhhhh, you kinda did. You napped on a bench while your Pikachu roamed around in the forest unsupervised. Misty and Brock were watching him better than you were.

That being said, Pikachu is still a grade-A dumbass.

– Brock: “Well, he may have had a soft-spot for Misty…” Don’t you mean a har—I’m gonna stop myself right there.

Pokemon Ep47 Screen3

Brock: “But he sure seemed pretty hard on you, Ash.” No, he’s not into that.

Misty: “He’s not the only one with a soft spot for pretty girls, is he? (referring to Brock)” This line seems so awkward. Why bring this up when Brock hasn’t perved on a girl today? Are you trying to justify Proctor’s pervness by saying Brock does the same thing?

Brock is 15 years old. Proctor is about 35 at the very least. Just to make this age difference even clearer, Proctor’s design and character is based off of George Clooney’s character in ER. Imagine Dr. Ross flirting with a ten year old girl on ER and tell me if that seems the same level of creepy as Brock busting out the heart eyes over every nearly same-age girl he meets.

He does get creepy, and his lust for women who are clearly much older than him is questionable, but he’s the younger party here. He’s just letting his teen hormones take him for a ride. Proctor’s an inch away from offering Misty a lollipop in his basement.

– Misty: “Your phone’s ringing.”

Dr. Proctor: “Eh, I’m not gonna answer it. I’m off-duty.” If you’re off-duty, what are you doing at the hospital? Who IS on duty? I’m starting to think this hospital isn’t real either. Did he spruce up an abandoned hospital to trick passersby into stopping there, hoping he’d get some girls?

– Ash: “But what if it’s an emergency?” Silly Ash. No one calls hospitals when there’s an emergency.

“Like with Pikachu!”….Or with…people…

Also, thanks for clarifying what constitutes as an emergency.

– Officer Jenny: “The Pokemon Center is full! We have to get these Pokemon to the hospital!” Okay, I’ll go further with this in a second, but uh…why not put them into Pokeballs and transport them to another Pokemon Center? Isn’t that one of the reasons the transfer system even exists?

……Wait….now that I think about it, in The Bridge Bike Gang why didn’t they just transfer the sick Pokemon over to the Pokemon Center that had the medicine instead of waiting hours for three children to deliver it? Great, now I’m going to drive myself crazy thinking of various plots that didn’t need to exist if they just used the transfer system.

Pokemon Ep47 Screen4

– Team Rocket nearly succeed in a mass Pokemon score, because, wait for it, Ash and co. weren’t around! Team Rocket might actually be worth a damn if they stopped following them.

Also, I love how they brought them into the story this episode. It actually contributes to the plot and is a welcome change of pace from their typical shtick.

– If you responded to my earlier note about the transfer system by pointing out that the Pokemon might be in such critical condition that they wouldn’t survive the trip or something along those lines, the scene where they’re treating the Pokemon illustrates why that’s not an issue.

The only one really in any immediate danger is Arbok, who is being poisoned by its own venom. Two other possible candidates are Weepinbell and Dodrio – both of whom might suffocate, but neither of which seem like they actually are suffocating. Every other Pokemon has minor non-life-threatening issues like the Pinsir with the broken horn, the Hitmonlee with the hurt leg etc.

– Dr. Proctor: “By the way, Nurse Joy, would you be interested in going for pizza Saturday night?” The best time to ask out a Pokemon Nurse is after you flippantly responded to a horrific car accident involving numerous Pokemon.

– Brock: “I don’t like this guy. He sounds like me.” PBBBTTAHAHAHAHAHA! Best line ever.

Give Brock a round of applause for being self-aware, though.

Pokemon Ep47 Screen5

– Dr. Proctor: “We don’t have enough doctors and nurses…” You would have enough doctors and nurses if this were a real hospital and not a creepy bait station.

Why can’t you just page the other doctors and nurses? Hmm?

Call them in from home? HMMM?

Isn’t that what a real hospital would do? HMMM!?

– He’s recruiting children to be his medical assistants…..Either you give zero shits about keeping your medical license (and not going to prison) or you really aren’t a doctor.

– Dr. Proctor: “They didn’t tell us about this in med school.” How would you know?! Hmmmmmmmmm!?

– Are there human paramedics or do the Chansey know how to drive, write and fill out patient forms?

If there are human paramedics, why are they not entering the hospital to lend a hand?

– Dr. Proctor: “Prepare a Cubone scan!” What? That’s like calling an x-ray a people scan.

– I know I’ve been having too much fun with the Proctor conspiracy theories, but he straight up put Misty in a nurse outfit.

Pokemon Ep47 Screen6
I could make a bone related joke here, but I’m above that.

It’s even more disturbing considering we know he also has a thing for Nurse Joy…..Wait until we get to the scene where Misty finds pink hair dye and a stuffed Chansey in the supply closet.

It’s just so obvious what he’s doing because Ash and Brock only get white lab coats over their regular clothes. He doesn’t even lend them some scrubs.

Unless he doesn’t have scrubs, but he has the fetish outfit because, like I said, this is a deranged den of perversion.

– I get that Ash is a kid with a one-track Pokemon mind, but when faced with an injured Pokemon and asked to help calm the patient down, his first instinct is to call out Bulbasaur and Vine Whip it to the table? I gave him a pass earlier for shaking Pikachu upside down to get the apple out of its throat, but this is just stupid and possibly harmful.

– If you can’t x-ray through the Cubone mask-skull, how do you know its actual skull is okay?

– Dr. Proctor: “Repair the fractures with superglue and apply a bandage.”

………*sigh*

Repair the fractures….with superglue…..That would work, considering it’s the outer skull, sure, but 1) that’s hardly a viable medical procedure. 2) The super glue would wear off eventually, would it not? 3) Do you want to be known as the Cubone with superglue on its skull? 4) Wouldn’t the bandage stick to the superglue and make Cubone forever some weird mummy!Cubone?

– Ash: (In regards to Cubone) “Watch out! They can be pretty nasty!” Right, right, because they ‘care only for themselves’ right, Dexter!? ….Oops, sorry. Leftover bitterness from Pikachu’s Vacation.

– James: “Arbok, beat it! Amscray” You mean ‘Raticate.’….Unless you’re just being rude to Arbok.

– The Raticate with the broken teeth is one injury sustained in this accident that resonated with me after I first watched this episode as a kid. Broken teeth, especially as they’re depicted here, just squick me out.

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– Dr. Proctor: “Just glue its teeth back in with superglue.” NO. A few cracks on a superfluous bone that acts as a mask, fine, superglue it. Raticate’s goddamn teeth!? Needed to withstand enough force to eat and use attacks like Hyper Fang? NO! And that’s assuming you have collected all of the pieces of its teeth, which are basically pulverized.

Also, what the hell? Are you playing dentist now too? How many imaginary degrees do you have?

– I absolutely adore that the hearts behind Jessie are shaped liked Arbok.

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– I should mention, however, that Jessie, at this point, is 17 years old. She could be technically legal, but this is still uncomfortable.

– He can tell Arbok is being poisoned by its own venom by merely looking at it? You’re seriously just bullshitting aren’t you?

Also….I don’t think that can happen. First of all, Proctor refers to it as ‘poison’ which is very different from ‘venom.’ Snakes, such as Arbok’s namesake, the cobra, are venomous – not poisonous. Poisons act through either being ingested, absorption through the skin or being inhaled. Venom needs to be injected straight into the body through an open wound, like, for example, a bite. The venom of snakes can be ingested safely because the acids in the stomach can break down the amino acids that make up the harmful aspects of the venom and render it harmless.

TheNakedScientists – “The reason is that the venom snakes use is a mixture of proteins. Proteins are made up of building blocks of what’s called amino acids. They’re the same stuff, effectively, as makes up the meat in your Sunday roast. That means that if you were to eat them – say I ate a snake and ate the poison sacks – it would go into my digestive system where my stomach acid and the enzymes in my stomach would just break down the protein, so it would fall apart and it would be harmless.”

It’s not quite clear whether snakes are immune to their own venom via bite. There have been rare cases in which a snake has bitten itself and died from its own venom. However, immunity seems to depend on the species.

There was an example of a cobra who bit itself and suffered from an abscess on the wound that needed to be treated surgically, but it, notably, did not suffer from the same ill effects that the venom typically presented in other creatures.

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Here are some passages from a MentalFloss article on the subject.

““The conventional wisdom is that they have circulating antibodies in their blood,” says Stephen Mackessy, Ph.D., a Professor of Biological Sciences at the University of Northern Colorado and an expert in venomous snakes. “This would protect them from their own venom, as well of venom from another snake in their own species.””

““The more distantly related the species, the more probability it would be toxic,” Mackessy says. “If a rattlesnake and cobra bit one another, without prior exposure to their venoms to build immunity, they would probably kill each other.”

Because organized snake fights to the death are frowned upon in scientific circles, there isn’t likely to be a definitive answer on just how much immunity they have—just that there’s likely enough to ward off attacks from close relatives or self-contamination. “It makes sense,” Mackessy says. “If you have something dangerous you’re injecting, you want to be protected from injecting yourself.””

King cobras, which eat other cobras, have been proven to be immune to the venom of other cobras and rattlesnakes because they’re their usual food source.

Here’s where I tell you I more or less wasted your time in these past few paragraphs by saying –

Second, Arbok didn’t bite himself. He didn’t even ingest his own venom. He just has a knot in his body.

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That’s not to imply that the second scenario isn’t dangerous, though. While snakes rarely ever get themselves into knots, and even more rarely get themselves into knots that they cannot untangle themselves, if, through an accident, illness or abuse, a snake were to be knotted into a knot it could not untangle and kept tightening, they could damage internal organs, their spine and they might be unable to digest their food, causing starvation.

Third, which is basically building upon second, how is Arbok getting a buildup of its own venom by being in a knot? The venom sacs on a snake are located in tiny glands behind and below the eye. Their placement allows them to have a direct shot of venom when they bite as they can quickly dispense the venom through their fangs given the close proximity.

Unless Arbok’s venom is located in its tail, like a scorpion, and even that doesn’t make much sense, I don’t see how being knotted up is making Arbok suffer the effects of its own venom,

I just realized that I’m not even slightly mad or irritated by this ‘goof up’ because that was really fascinating to research. Snakes are fascinating. I am forever perplexed at how often I’ll go off on research sprees because of stupid moments like this. One day I’m going to write a book called ‘Things I Learned Because Pokemon was Being Dumb.’ Mark my words.

So, class, any questions?

“Yeah, you do know that none of that may apply because Arbok is a fictional animal, a Poison Type Pokemon, no less, and all of these real-world animal facts might not be reflected in its own biology?”

……………………………Get the hell out of my imaginary classroom!

– Wait, I was so distracted by the venom thing I didn’t even notice that Team Rocket didn’t get arrested back at the accident scene. They were very clearly stealing Pokemon. Jenny was right there. Worst. Cops. Ever.

– Ash is vehement against helping Team Rocket even though an innocent Pokemon (Remember, as Ekans said, Pokemon aren’t bad. Their masters are.) is going to die of poisoning if they don’t. If the second thing was him being a dumbass, this is him being a jackass. Ash should know by this point when to set aside personal squabbles for the sake of helping a Pokemon in need.

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This was probably written in a way to make Proctor look better since all he’s been the entire episode is a lazy, creepy pedo who owns a lab coat, but still. Even the youngest kid would call Ash out on this.

– Jessie: “I wanted you to cure it, not kill it!” *gasp* The K word. :0

– Wait, now they have anesthetic? Would’ve been useful for the flailing Cubone.

– Okay, Ash, so you won’t shut up about not saving Arbok because it belongs to bad guys, but when said bad guys are tasked with being medical assistants, which is about 100000x more hazardous, you don’t say a thing.

– Meowth and Chansey have a back and forth with Chansey mishearing what Meowth’s asking for (or it’s trolling the hell out of him) Enter bunch of visual gags that don’t work due to being lost in translation. The ice to rice one works, but the go board makes no sense, neither does Venonat, and police doesn’t work because the end of that word is pronounced ‘eese’ not ‘ice.’

I don’t fault 4Kids for this because this scene is just a nightmare to localize, if it’s even possible. I did still laugh at Chansey somehow having the strength to easily remove a police station from its foundation, carry it into the hospital and present it to Meowth like it’s any other object.

Here’s the main comparison for those curious about the actual joke.

http://dogasu.bulbagarden.net/comparisons/kanto/ep047.html

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– I also laughed at Chansey getting pissed and slapping the hell out of Meowth. Then again, it doesn’t know that Meowth’s a bad guy, so this whole scene might just be because of a really abusive Chansey.

– Now they’re supergluing a Pinsir’s horn back on. You know, Pinsir’s horns, which are strong enough to pick up and throw objects twice its body weight, ‘shatter logs’ and tear its prey in half…..

– I do love seeing Team Rocket and Ash and co. working together, though.

– This is another episode that’s a bit screwed up in hindsight. Much later on, we’ll learn that Jessie was trained as a Pokemon Nurse (well….a Chansey level nurse. It still counts.) She was actually pretty good at it, though she was never able to graduate. Now she seems to have no clue what she’s doing.

– Also, now he’s put Jessie in the fetish outfit….He has at least two nurse uniforms, of varying sizes (One a child size (!)), and not a single set of scrubs.

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By the way, I’m not missing the implied sexism that the girls are nurses and the guys are doctors.

– Alright, there’s a difference between letting these people/kids help you with procedures and straight up letting them perform procedures on their own. Especially when one of the procedures involves essentially removing a BOMB from a Weepinbell’s mouth.

– Jessie: “This thing can self-destruct?!” Yeah…..it’s a Voltorb. I thought you had been well-acquainted with Voltorb during The Ninja Poke-Showdown.

– The issue with Weepinbell having a Voltorb stuck in its mouth is pretty clever…..but would it not also have died by now?

– IVYSAUR!

– While knotting up Dodrio is also a little clever, though not as clever now considering Arbok had that same problem….how did it get that way without breaking any of its necks? Also, good luck getting them apart without killing them.

– Dr. Proctor: “That’s a knotty problem.” Please….please don’t say the word ‘knotty.’ I know what you’re implying. Also, what, did you think of that joke with Arbok but were too late to use it so you jumped on it with Dodrio?

– I guess I avoided a ‘Why Use the Pokedex?’ segment since Proctor simply had a paper with its Dex info on it, but that begs the question of why he randomly had a paper with Dodrio’s Dex information on it. If he was sent medically useful information via fax from Joy about Dodrio, that’d be fine, but all it says are that its three heads represent joy, sorrow and anger. That is in no way helpful.

– Don’t you have to push the plunger down to get any sort of liquid out of a needle? Merely having it fall into your arm doesn’t seem good enough. People usually sit on hypodermic needles when they do this trope so you’ll assume the plunger went down.

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Adorable Chansey reaction, though.

– Dr. Proctor: “You guys take over. Good night.” A better way to write this would just be to have Proctor suddenly pass out. Having him coherent for a bit, enough to tell the kids to takeover, just leaves us wondering why he doesn’t try to call for another qualified individual. You said they’d be fine as long as they followed your command, but now they have no command. It’s Doogie Howser MD without the MD and times five.

– Brock: “So what now?”

Ash: “Beats me.”

CALL. FOR. HELP!

– Ash: “I’m going to be the world’s best Pokemon Master someday. I can’t let something like this scare me.” It should scare you because you’re a ten year old trying to practice medicine! Pokemon Training has nothing to do with it! Nor does being scared for that matter.

You could be putting the lives of these Pokemon at risk. Assuming this is a real hospital and not a sick sex den, surely there are numbers strewn about the reception area for doctors, nurses, other hospitals etc. Do the best you can until backup arrives, but don’t just take the reigns on diagnosing and treating all of these Pokemon.

– Ash: “Go Squirtle!” ….Wait…what do you need Squirtle for?

“Weaken it with Water Gun!”

…..Ash, you ridiculously stupid, irresponsible dumbass. You were just told earlier to be gentle with the patients and now you’re Water Gunning them?

– Ash: “Dodrio should be weak against Electric attacks! Pikachu, Thunderbolt now!”

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Yay! Indicative of the X’s in their eyes, they’re dead! Whoo!

YOU BRAINDEAD FUCKBUCKET! Now this isn’t just being abusive to a patient, this is just downright cruel. Dodrio was already clearly down for the count, as evidenced by the swirly eyes, it’s soaking wet AND a Flying type so you just Thundershock the hell out of it? What is wrong with you today!?

And you have the nerve to be bitchy about Team Rocket just being there. You’re being more of a villain in this episode than they are, even considering they’re the cause of this whole mess and that they try to steal the Pokemon at the hospital later.

– I’m also slighting Pikachu for that. He should’ve known better and refused orders – preferably while bitchslapping Ash upside the head.

– And after all is said and done, he completely forgets what he was doing and tries to capture it. Well done, Ash. You continue to amaze me with how incredibly moronic you are.

– You’re not getting away either, Brock. You stay quiet as Ash assaults a poor scared Dodrio, but attempting to capture it, OH NO! That’s crossing a line! Maybe you shouldn’t go into medicine.

– Ash: “Just take it easy. We’ll have you better in no time.” I’m sure it trusts the guy who just viciously attacked it enough to relax and let the aforementioned assailant continue to treat it.

– Wait, now that Proctor’s out they start treating patients with bandages and actual Super Potions? The children are more qualified to practice medicine than he–….Nope, that still doesn’t change the fact that Ash damn near killed one of the patients and tried to capture it.

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– When and where did Team Rocket get robotic grabbing stretchers?

– James: “We concocted these while you were tending to those poor weak little Pokemon.” You built three ‘stretcher catcher’ robots in less than six hours? Bullshit.

– Where did James get a gigantic hypodermic needle?….What’s in it?….Is he about to straight-up murder Ash in a nightmare-inducing way?

– Arbok and Weezing refuse to attack Chansey because it helped treat them. Wow, it certainly sounds like they have minds and morals of their own and don’t deserve to be treated like garbage and left to die all because they’re trained by terrible people. Huh. How quaint. Right, Ash?

Also, Arbok and Weezing have more forethought and dignity than Pikachu today. Give them their props.

– While I find the ‘medical tool-fu’ to be kinda cool, I don’t believe for a second that he was able to cut through that huge glass container with a scalpel in one swing. I watch Forged in Fire, so I know these things.

– Uhhh….he has twelve scalpels, six clamps and six hypodermic needles just hanging out in his pockets? Most I’ve seen a doctor carry around with them is a small pen light, a stethoscope and maybe one of those reflex hammers. It is insanely dangerous and unsanitary to have those items carried around with you in your coat like that. Can we add ‘serial killer’ to his rap sheet now?

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Someone seems awful comfortable taking a ‘flasher’ pose.

– I love how Proctor doesn’t care about the giant gaping hole in his hospital wall…….easier for his potential victims to get in, I suppose.

– James also forgot about Voltorb? But he was the one who knew what it was before anyone else in The Ninja Poke-Showdown. Continuity, guys. It’s not hard.

– Dr. Proctor: “All of you could be outstanding doctors. Why don’t you stay and train my hospital with me?” You own the whole hospital? Also, of course you want them to stay. You didn’t get a proper chance to show them your chain collection.

Any real doctor would just say they’d make great doctors when they grew up (better than Mr. Superglue anyway) and send them off. Who offers to house and train two ten year olds and a fifteen year old in medicine?…..Wait, did Brock get an age bump in Best Wishes? Otherwise, that’d mean he’s in med school at 15. This show makes no sense in the age department at all.

– Dr. Proctor: “I’m sure you’ll be whatever you want.” Like….trophies on my mantel……….

——————————————

I really like the concept of this episode, and the structure is a welcome change of pace from the norm. Pokemon medicine is an area we just don’t cover well throughout the series, even though Nurse Joy and Pokemon Centers are in nearly every episode.

That being said, this episode is a piss-poor example of Pokemon medicine. Proctor’s a human doctor, so he can’t lend much knowledge, skill or experience in this realm. He just superglues shit together and sometimes unties knots. Everything else is either solved with a bandage or one rare Super Potion.

Some of the injuries the Pokemon had were creative, but, overall, there never seemed to be any real urgency, and it never seemed like it was entirely necessary for these Pokemon to be sent to this hospital outside of wanting to do a plot where the characters are acting as Pokemon medical assistants for the day. Why couldn’t this exact same situation happen in a Pokemon Center?

I know this is still a kid’s show, so it’s not like we’re meant to expect horrific injuries, blood or the like here, but it still never seemed that serious.

Why is it never even touched upon that this hospital only has one doctor, nay one employee, working in the middle of the day? Or period? I know I gave (somewhat) joking theories on why this is, but they don’t even bring it up. Even small children would know something’s weird about that. Imagine if that car accident was a ten car pile up with a bunch of serious human injuries. Proctor would be screwed.

I didn’t catch this before, but considering the Pokemon Center was full, that means there had to be a Pokemon Center in the same general vicinity as the crash. The victims came through the door mere seconds after Joy hung up. The Narrator made it seem like there was no Pokemon Center around within any sort of reasonable distance. This whole thing is just screwy.

Proctor has way more character than your average CotD, but he’s also a terrible ‘doctor’ and a pedo serial killer. So it’s a bit of a mixed bag.

The more I think about this episode, the less I like it, which, as I mentioned, is a shame because the idea has a lot of promise behind it. A better episode maybe would’ve been Ash and the others being very minor assistants to a Nurse Joy during a busy day, then as they continue their travels they come across a Pokemon in medical distress and use what they learned with Joy to help keep it stable or something until they could get it to a Pokemon Center. That would at least be a better message to kids.

As it stands, I’m concerned about how many unreported instances of kids gluing stuff to their pets have happened because of this episode.

Lest we forget Ash’s great contributions to that. He was an insufferable twat this episode. Whoever wrote in that scene where Ash assaults a suffocating Dodrio and tries to capture it can bite me. I may make fun of Ash a lot, but even he should know better than that.

Next episode, a classic (with one major flaw), Holy Matrimony!

Previous Episode…

The Salty Anime Challenge Day 3: Anime with an Over ‘8’ Rating on MAL that You Disliked

Today’s entry was really difficult. I think the worst I get with highly rated shows is disappointed. Salt levels might be low today.

Junjou Romantica might be a big contender if I remembered it enough to talk about it in detail. (Rewatch is imminent because I distinctly remember being quite salty about this show)

Kill La Kill was already done in the previous entry, so I won’t give it this spot. Know that it would’ve won otherwise, though. However, maybe not because I might not feel comfortable giving it this spot considering I never finished it.

Guess I gotta come up with something. If I had to give one, it’d be Attack on Titan.

And I don’t dislike AoT, I was just disappointed with the first season because it seemed drawn out and basically required or demanded a second season because the ending didn’t really resolve anything and ended with a cliffhanger.

I know we have the second season now (haven’t watched it yet) but back then I felt kinda robbed. If we never got additional seasons, I’d be more inclined to be fully salty.

The action is fantastic, some of the best I’ve seen in anime, and I really like the style of series. Armin (Who should be the main character. I have always held that opinion and still do.), Jean and Levi the Ultimate Badass were my favorite characters, but I just felt seriously let down considering how much my friends hyped it up.

However, I didn’t much care for some of characters, particularly Eren. And Mikasa, while being badass, was also kinda irritating because of her near obsessed levels of attachment to Eren when he doesn’t care for her nearly as much.

In addition, the deaths seriously start losing their impact after a while. It quickly gets The Walking Dead syndrome where you’re just waiting for superfluous characters to die. I couldn’t even keep track of their names after the midway point. They appear, they stick around for a little while, they die, we get more. You also start to not want to get attached to characters who seem more important because who knows when they’ll die?

Maybe that last one’s a little petty because, in a post-apocalyptic series like this, the looming fear of death needs to be a staple. But it shouldn’t be so frequent that you basically become numb to it. Maybe that’s part of the point. Maybe in this world, as the characters see so much death, they simultaneously become numb to it to a degree because they can’t let every death hit them too hard, but it’s different to have that feeling in the narrative as opposed to feeling it as a reader.

Again, didn’t hate it or even really dislike it, but I was disappointed in it back when it first came out. I couldn’t even read the manga all the way through what the anime covered because I didn’t care for the art and I felt like Eren was more of an ass in it. I’m definitely watching season two when I get a chance, though. We’ll see about season three after that.

SSBS – Cardfight!! Vanguard Episode 12: Aichi vs. Kamui

SSBS CFV EP12

Plot: It’s the Card Capital Tournament semi-finals! Aichi is facing off against Kamui while Misaki faces off against Kai. Aichi’s definitely holding his own a lot better than he was the last time he fought against Kamui, but can he manage to pull off a win?

Breakdown: This episode focuses almost entirely on the match between Kamui and Aichi because, let’s be honest, Misaki is just not going to win her match. We all knew this the instant the lots were drawn. She’s inexperienced and Kai’s a ruthless powerhouse. I was impressed by her strategic thinking in the short bit of the match we were able to see, but of course she loses.

Aichi’s match against Kamui definitely shows how much Aichi has grown, learned and improved as a Vanguard fighter. He was getting absolutely mauled by Kamui last time and now they’re neck and neck. And it’s not just because he has Grade 3s now, either. In fact, most of his best moves have come from his Grade 1s and 2s, proving that it’s more about having balance and knowing your cards well than it is about having powerful cards. It’s a fantastic fight, and I’m really starting to love watching Kamui battle.

There isn’t really much to say about this match besides that because this is our second cliffhanger. Their match was getting right down to the wire when they were interrupted by Kai finishing off Misaki. I was about to ding Aichi for yet again losing focus in his match just to focus on Kai (Seriously, dude, TCG etiquette), but Kamui was doing the same and this is a major match ending so I’ll let it slide.

Other than that, we have another nice added tidbit of realism in Morikawa and Izaki running around the Vanguard tables acting like idiots and Shin needing to tell them to stop their horsing around. This is a room filled with kids in what is essentially a toy store. Of course that is bound to happen. I’m not even mad that the scene was completely pointless because it just peppers in that feeling of realism and nostalgia.

Also, we get this exchange during that scene.

Taishi: “Word of advice – You’re never going to get a girlfriend acting like that.”

Morikawa: “Whatever, man. I’ve got Vanguard – the best girlfriend ever.” My stomach hurts from laughter at this line. Morikawa is starting to be less annoying to me because he gets such ridiculously funny (and stupid) lines.

Rating: 9/10

Next time, the match between Kamui and Aichi concludes. Who will win? And who will face off against Kai?

….Previous Episode

The Salty Anime Challenge – Day 2: A Popular and/or Hyped Anime that You Didn’t Care For

The one anime that really comes to mind here is Kill La Kill.

I hadn’t heard much of a bad word against Kill la Kill. I had many people suggest it to me, and they gave it very high praise for how crazy, funny and action-packed it was, but I just found it to be, overall, irritating. It’s a lazy plot coupled with a mostly uninteresting main lead and antagonist with one of the most overpowered and ridiculously designed battle outfits I’ve ever seen.

I still can’t wrap my head around this. How does she breathe without triggering the censors?

Outside of that, it’s pure noise. It is trying way too hard to be the ‘craziest anime ever’. It never takes a damn break from the gigantic blocks of red text being pelted at the screen every three minutes to the constant yelling to the somewhat ugly art and animation.

I’m no stranger to crazy loud anime, but they usually know when to pump the brakes. Kill La Kill is like running on a treadmill, setting a time to get off and then realizing you’re handcuffed to it. You think it’s alright at first, but eventually, it gets exhausting and miserable.

Let me be completely fair – I never completed this series. I never made it beyond the commercial break in episode two. I really don’t like doing that, but I had no interest in going further. Maybe it gets better. I don’t know. But I didn’t feel like I was enjoying it enough to give it more of my time.