Eiken Episode 2 Review

The next event takes place in a hot spring (oh boy…) and Densuke’s still moping about the games. He slips on a banana peel…and nothing happens. Not to say I wasn’t sick to utmost death of the banana peels causing fanservice, but why do that again just to….do nothing? We don’t even see him actually fall. It cuts away after he slips.

Grace gives him a pep talk with a bunch of recycled animation and we move on.

So what’s the final event? Another water slide…..Whoo…But not only that, apparently, it’s been announced that it’s perfectly legal to interfere with the opponents as they’re sliding including pushing them OFF THE SLIDE. Yeah, not only is that unbelievably cheap, but that’s a good way for the school to get sued up the ass. Oh and yeah the attempted murder/actual murder thing.

Chiharu was told to participate by Kirika….I don’t know why that’s allowed seeing as how Chiharu has already switched teams once during this event, but whatever.

They’re going to ride down the slide on literal banana boats….

Densuke: “Bananas again?” I would say this shows that the anime is self-aware, but no….just no.

Eiken part 2 screen 8

Densuke’s paired with Chiharu, and Shima is with clone maid #829. Chiharu says again that she’s afraid of heights which causes yet another odd freeze in the animation. I would say it’s a hiccup in the file, but the audio still runs and you still see slight signs that the video is running. I really just think they wanted to skimp on their animation budget where they could.

He declares that he’ll buy her the best birthday present ever and she hugs him tighter giving him another creepy fantasy of her tied up in the measuring tape, but this time she’s also tied to a pole and looks way more scared than she does just embarrassed…..

And he’s done it! Densuke Mifune has won this year’s Ecchi Creepiness Olympics! That was simply amazing. Let’s see that again in slow motion…..Yes, right here you can see my faith in humanity faltering….and there it is breaking in half like cheap chop sticks! That was astonishing! This has been FiddleTwix for WTF is Wrong with Anime? Check us out next time when we watch even creepier garbage!

The water slide is not actually a water slide, and, before they said what it was, it just looked to me like brown water…..leading me to believe…..this is a thing…..meant for people…..with a scat fetish….You know, I’m going the purer route and say it’s a mud wrestling thing. Yeah, let’s just go with that.

It’s actually chocolate. Coconut chocolate. That the island collects from a hot spring. I don’t care anymore.

Eiken part 2 screen 9

They’re off, and down the line somehow someway Chiharu ends up under Densuke and he’s (intentionally “accidentally”) rubbing her danger zones again.

Kirika’s sucking on another popsicle now.

Shima makes his way onto Densuke and Chiharu’s boat with his partner to ‘save’ Chiharu.

Densuke ends up falling down to Chiharu’s crotch, another cutaway and we get Chiharu on her knees on top of Densuke now with her bra off and with her ass in Densuke’s face. She keeps yelling that something, I have no clue what, hurts really bad and she’s afraid ‘they’re’ going to break. I would say her bra, but that’s a singular item, so I can only assume she believes her air bags will break…….ooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww….

Shima tries to pry Densuke away from Chiharu but she says she doesn’t want him to give up and that she won’t give up either. Shima says “You are destined to lose, Chiharu.” which….I think is supposed to be “you are destined to lose Chiharu” sans the comma, because I don’t see why he’d tell Chiharu she was meant to lose. Nice job on ensuring proper emphasis ADR director. He then goes on to tell Densuke that he is a stupid loser and says that’s what the fortune teller told him as well. Densuke asks how he knew that, and Shima gasps then his toupee flies off. Yeah, he was wearing a toupee for some reason.

Eiken part 2 screen 10

As they go over another dropoff, Shima and his partner as well as Chiharu fly off the boat, but Densuke is determined to protect Chiharu, so he defies the laws of physics again to fly up, somehow end up behind her and grab her coconuts.

Surprisingly, all of them were disqualified and no one ended up winning the games—WHAT!? I can see why Densuke and Chiharu were disqualified, because, despite Densuke’s efforts, they did separate at the end, but Shima and his partner stayed together even in the air, so they should’ve won. And you can’t even say Shima was eliminated for trying to pry Densuke and Chiharu apart because they explicitly stated that it wasn’t against the rules to do that!

Also, why not hold a tiebreaker then? It’s pretty dumb to hold all those events just to say ‘nope, you both lose, deal with it.’

Oh but it gets better. Apparently the Eiken club still got a prize for effort. Something no one else got because screw everyone else. The prize is a trip to the school’s hot spring….Why is that a prize if the hot spring is at the school? And apparently there was no prize money at all anyway. Well, thanks Eiken for telling us this entire games arc was pointless. Also, if there was no prize money what the hell was the prize for winning the games?

Eiken part 2 screen 11

Yeah, I tried really hard to go this whole way without feeling the need for censor bars but I really couldn’t find a decent final shot to close with unless I chose one that had slight full nudity.

Everything’s fine and dandy with Chiharu and Densuke, I guess they’re together now, and Kirika says Densuke finally rid them of the pervert who was spying on them….who I guess was Shima? Oh that’s what she meant by him leaving them alone….What a Shyamalanian twist? It really wasn’t enough that he was just a romantic rival, you had to shove it in that he was a pervert who recorded the girls of the Eiken club secretly?

Hey, here’s an idea, dumbass. If you knew of the cameras and knew who was behind them, remove or cover the cameras and call the cops! Really, that’s why you needed Densuke to join the club so badly? Your master plan was to hook Densuke and Chiharu up and use Chiharu as bait to trap Shima into promising to stop his perverted ways? And then you banked on Densuke winning the games so that goal would be achieved? What a convoluted plan. Just because Densuke touched Chiharu’s pom poms doesn’t mean they’d instantly end up falling for each other, but I guess it did because this is horribly written.

Also, Shima was away at America the entire year, how was he spying on the club? Was he hiding out in the blimp the entire time?

THE END!

Rejoice, villagers!

—————————–

This was one of the worst anime I’ve ever seen. Maybe not worse than 6 Angels only because I can actually understand what’s going on. Maybe worse than Ultimate Girls, but still. This is the grime off of the bottom of the barrel.

You know what else?

You want to know what thought makes me question my sanity?

I can see how this series may have actually worked.

Stay with me, because I’m on a psycho high right now, but yes, this plot could’ve somehow worked….as a parody. Ecchi is one of those genres that pretty much everyone mocks due to their formulaic structure and aim to exploit the hormones of all those guys out there who haven’t discovered hentai yet. It is ripe for mocking, but not many people do it or do it well. One might make the argument that due to the amount of blatant and outrageous fanservice that this is a parody, but no.

If this is a parody, they failed in every aspect because it is not funny. At all. Even at the very beginning it’s obvious that they’re throwing darts at a dartboard covered in the most obvious ecchi cliches imaginable and doing nothing with them besides making them worse.

They’re also taking the most obvious dirty jokes and visual gags (for the love of—how many times am I going to end up accidentally making things sound dirty in this review?) and just making them worse. Even worse than that is the fact that they repeat these jokes over and over and over and over and over. Let’s have Kirika keep sucking on phallic foods. Let’s have everyone keep slipping on banana peels and get into wacky fanservice situations. Let’s have the main male be as spineless and creepy as possible. Oh and yeah BANANAS.

Bottom Line: Let’s grade this fairly in taking this as an actual ecchi ‘romance’ or ‘harem’. The art is awful, the animation is terrible, all of the characters are templates, there is literally no reason whatsoever as to why the main couple loves each other, not even in the bare basics of “they’re kind” or “they did something nice for me”, the story is clunky and makes no sense, the framing in terms of how many days go by over the course of the series is horrible, the dialogue is equally awful, the music ranges from forgettable to awful and even the voice acting is bad.

What’s even worse is that, unlike most harems and ecchi that pretty much appeal to everyone who is attracted to girls and have a few characters to cater to those who like them more ‘well-endowed’, this show purely caters to those who have a fetish for laughably large chests. Few female characters have normal-ish Pillsbury Doughboys. Kyoko and Yuriko are the only ones I can really think of (Grace’s seemed to get equally large as time went on), and one’s a loli so there may only be one valid entry for those not into that.

I would say that’s the reason behind the fact that this series only got two episodes to work with, but I found something quite baffling. This series is based on a manga…..

A manga that lasted for five years….

A manga that lasted for five years and 18 VOLUMES!

I try not to judge people based on what they like, to each his own, but to the people who let this manga run for so long….Shame on you…..Shame.

Oh and as a final note, do you want to know the story behind the teddy bear thing named Kuma/Teddy I mentioned way back in the beginning? It’s not a robot….that is another member of Eiken…

Yeah, that is a girl who always stays in a giant teddy bear costume. She’s only known as Teddy or Kuma in the original, and only Densuke has ever seen her face. Of course the only time he ever saw her face was an excuse for fanservice. We never learn any of this in the OVA, in fact, it’s just a big mystery as to who or what this thing is throughout the entire series. It’s always in the background in group shots and I guess we’re just supposed to accept its existence. Only reason I knew was because I read the Wiki page. I find it odd that such a character would exist in this universe. A character where you never see her body at all, just a teddy bear costume…

Final final note of finality…..what is the Eiken club supposed to be about? Is that ever explained? What do they do? To the best I’ve been able to research, it’s just a club for girls with huge knockers, but that doesn’t make any sense if Densuke and Kyoko are allowed in, so I’m confused.

Additional Information and Notes: Eiken episode one was directed by Kiyotaka Ohata, and episode two was directed by Alan Smithee. If you don’t know who that is, he has quite an extensive resume as a director, but he’s not an actual person. Alan Smithee is a common pseudonym used by directors when they don’t want to be associated with the project they directed. Essentially, it’s the director saying they got their paycheck and now they officially disown their work. Good decision, Mr. Smithee.

Mr. Ohata on the other hand, shame on you too. You directed some episodes of Azumanga Daioh, Baccano!, Durarara!, Hell Girl, Toradora!, Warnaria2 and 3. Tsktsk. Go sit in the corner and think about the damage you’ve done to the banana world.

Eiken was written by Tomayasu Okubo, who also wrote—are you kidding me? Five episodes of Kaze no Stigma, the entirety of This Ugly Yet Beautiful World, five episodes of Azumanga Daioh, one episode of Chobits and three episodes of Cardcaptor Sakura. Tsk tsk. You go to the corner too. And I want a five page essay on why boobs don’t bounce that way.

It was produced by JC Staff (Why!?) and Genco (Still why!?) and it’s currently licensed in the US by Anime Works, also known as Media Blasters (WHY—Oh wait, nope. That’s the one thing that makes perfect sense.)

Episodes: 2

Year: 2003-2004

Recommended Audience: Obviously lots and lots and lots of completely blatant fanservice, some of which getting dangerously close to a hentai classification, especially that eel thing. Several of the characters get topless, braless, some completely naked, but at the very most you get a nip slip of the non-colored kind. They do everything that they can to make this look like hentai without actually being hentai. Things also get a little on the rapey side, and Densuke’s imagination is just freaky. Nothing really outside of that, though. No swearing, no full-frontal nudity, no actual sex, no violence and no gore. Still, 17+, though honestly no one should watch this.

Final Notes: April fools! This show doesn’t exist! Haha, got you! 😀


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3 thoughts on “Eiken Episode 2 Review

  1. Great play-by-play of a hilariously bad anime. Would you believe this made it on American cable? Back when Starz used to show anime, they played it several times on the action channel.

    Yes, the ACTION channel.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much, I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

      Oh come on. It’s easy to mistake this series for an action show. Just last week I was watching Rambo: First Blood and it got to the scene where Rambo meets a big-boobed woman and watches her suggestively eat a banana while bouncing up and down for twenty minutes before he went off and ‘accidentally’ pulled his love-interest’s panties down and I was like ‘They totally used this as inspiration for Eiken. Cool!’

      Like

  2. I didn’t realize there were so many big names in anime dubbing were involved. The fact that Mona Marshall and Stephanie Sheh were involved is extremely depressing. The latter is frustrating for me because I just want to scream “YOU WERE HAYDEE IN GANKUTSUOU! HAVE SOME DIGNITY!” knowing about that fact. Your humor in taking apart Eiken was very hilarious and I enjoyed it. Sorry that you had to suffer watching this dreck.

    Liked by 1 person

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