Eiken Episode 1 Review

Densuke walks through town or the school grounds on his way to see Chiharu, but also to showcase all of the girls either being in swimsuits or doing aerobics because more fanservice.

He apologizes to Chiharu for peeping earlier, but she’s not even mad at him. Instead, she’s moreso embarrassed that she was peeped on in front of people…….Uhh….o…kayyy…

She grabs his shirt and says she wishes it was just the two of them….

……………………………………..Uh…..timeline please? From all the evidence I’ve seen, she’s only known Densuke for a few days and her first meeting with him was crashing into him and him molesting her. The only other scene was the peeping scene. That….was enough…..to make her fall for him so much….that she wishes when he saw her naked….that it was only the two of them. Wow, they’re right. It IS always the quiet ones.

They play around in the fountain because moisture and we purposely point the camera down to her reflection in the water to show off her panties, which, by all logic, you shouldn’t be able to see because them playing around in the water and later dripping would cause the ripples to distort the image so much you’d be unable to see them….Did I just bring science into this series? What the hell was I thinking?

She says her birthday is in a few days and she wants to spend it alone with him…..Not gonna lie, this is actually getting creepy. Usually it’s the guy who is the creeper in these series, but so far Chiharu’s reaching for the gold medal in creepiness.

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By the by, we’re fifteen minutes into the first episode and I’ve already written five pages of material. I hope you’re all comfy. You should take your first bathroom break about now.

Densuke’s dumb ‘friends’, the same ones who ‘tricked’ him into looking in the window at the girls before, claim Densuke is lying about accidentally peeping. Chiharu asks Densuke if that’s true, he denies it and is then hit in the face by Chiharu’s younger sister, Yuriko’s, crotch. Yeah, she does that.

After he gets crotch launched by Yuriko and ends up with a face full of nether region, we get confirmation that Densuke’s actually been in the club for quite some time, evidently, because he keeps saying stuff like ‘you never’ and ‘always’. So I’m guessing there was some other reason in between him joining the club and the peeping incident that made Chiharu and Densuke fall in love. Glad that pesky character development didn’t get in the way of their clumsy storywriting and fanservice! Phew!

Yuriko’s a cheeky one like Kirika as she taunts Densuke for seeing Chiharu’s double barrels and implies that he’s a pervert who can’t stop thinking about that day. Then she snaps Chiharu’s bra, causing her to stumble and Yuriko starts rubbing her jumblies. Densuke starts running towards her to make her stop but…..he slips….on another banana peel. Can we get an awareness rally or something? These banana peels are going to get someone killed….or, knowing this series, pregnant.

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However, Densuke just falls face first into the water instead of into the girls like I thought. I assumed this would actually be okay until Densuke looks up out of the water to see Chiharu’s panties got pulled down or fell during the fall…..and I have absolutely no clue how. Did he accidentally pull them down while falling? Did the force of the water make them fall? Did Yuriko pull them down to molest her sister? I have no idea.

Chiharu runs away in embarrassment and Densuke feels like crap. Kirika shows up….sucking on another banana. Come on, guys, if you’re going to keep recycling this garbage at least have the decency to change up the food more. Popsicles, push pops, corn dogs, twinkies, swiss rolls, pickles, cucumbers, carrots, those long swirly lollipop things they have at old candy shops, slim jims – creativity is all I ask for!

Kirika shoos Yuriko away and then tries to help Densuke after he accidentally wipes his face off with Chiharu’s panties. She tells him to get Chiharu a great gift for her birthday, but he has no money. She then says that he has to earn it by winning at the games. I would’ve suggested getting a part time job or doing odd jobs around the city for spare cash, but I’m guessing these games are just a big fat excuse for more ridiculous fanservice so let’s just move on.

The games are some school event that is like a relay race. The announcer is this chick who is wearing a table for a skirt purely to show off her panties.

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Densuke’s dumbass friends are eating bananas (….does that mean they’re gay? This anime confuses me.) and mention how there’s a cash prize for winning the games.

Kirika shows up to put her cantaloupes on Densuke’s head and she’s also sucking on a banana….A chocolate covered banana, which is not anymore creative than a regular banana, but whatever. At least there’s a decent reason to suck on that.

The first event is bungee jumping—No! Friggin’ no! You are lazy, show! I quit! I’m done! This is stupid!

…………….*Sigh* I guess I am too far into this to quit now. Might as well suck it up…….Oh god, now I’m doing it!

Anyway, bungee jumping….yeah. I can totally see that being an endorsed event by a school. Then again, I think the school in Angel Grove endorsed the original Power Ranger kids in skydiving so whatever.

I’ll be very disappointed in you if you can’t see where this is going. Panty shots and more floppage in the wind. This is just dumb. If they were going to be bungee jumping there’s no way they’d jump in their school uniforms. They’re not even wearing proper safety equipment, just a belt. That thing would slip off so fast they’d be tomato soup before the janitor could even pick up his mop.

Kirika’s chocolate banana now has gooey yellow stuff at the tip now in case anyone wanted an update on that.

Next event involves a waterslide. Okay….still bad but not awful. The event is that the teams have to stay together on the waterslide and if they let go of each other, they lose. Okay, still not that bad.

The waterslide is covered in white liquid yogurt—FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, EIKEN! Go to the deepest parts of hell, you insulting piece of–

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Sorry about that. Got a little perturbed. I’m okay now. Let’s move on. 😐

Densuke and Chiharu are doing the waterslide event, and Chiharu grabs onto Densuke from the back causing her boom bubbles to rub against Densuke’s back. He gets turned on by it and states that they’re even bigger than when she got measured for her physical. He illustrates this….by imagining her naked…..and wrapped up bondage style with her arms over her head…in the measuring tape…….

Densuke just made a huge advancement towards the gold medal in creepiness creating a major lead! But the day isn’t over yet! Stay tuned to the Ecchi Creepiness Olympics!

Yuriko shows up because she’s in the event with them on Team Eiken so she takes the front spot, forcing Densuke’s hands onto her candy apples and rubbing them all over. Then she forces his hand onto her crotch to rub her there.

I should mention that Yuriko is always calling Densuke ‘brother’ while she tries to get him to molest her….

Looks like Yuriko is becoming a surprise contender for the creepiness medal! This matchup is getting more and more intense. We’ll be right back with the Ecchi Creepiness Olympics after these words from our sponsors!

…….Okay, I’m getting word that no one would sponsor this crap. Sooooo….on with the dumb!

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She teases that she’ll take her clothes off for him and says that by the end of the games he’ll be hers. Yeah fine whatever.

Teacher also joins and is placed in front of Yuriko. I guess because she’s the only one of age and they really wanted a crotch shot of all that white yogurt splashing between her legs.

As they go down the slide, Teacher’s pants fall down, revealing her panties now soaked with yogurt. For the love of God, physics! Force going upwards would cause her pants to go UP further not down. If anything she’d get a wedgie, which I’m actually surprised they didn’t go for that because then they’d have an excuse to show camel toe.

Kirika’s eating a popsicle now. Guess they heeded my advice.

They’re still going down the slide, and through all of the chaos, they get jumbled up causing Densuke’s hand to go under Yuriko’s shirt and grabbing onto her silver monkey while his foot ends up between Chiharu’s temple guards.

Yuriko starts sucking on Densuke’s fingers and Densuke’s toes end up in Chiharu’s mouth….ew.

Densuke: “Good thing I took a shower…”

Well, there’s that at least.

Densuke: “Last week!”

FUCKING EW!

They win the race, but Chiharu’s upset. See, she told Densuke before the race that she had a fear of heights and Densuke sated her fears by saying he’d protect her. But he didn’t do that……because….I….uh…what? How the hell did he fail in doing that? Sure her shirt fell apart, but what the hell is he supposed to do about it while trying not to let go of anyone on a huge waterslide? You’re a dumbass.

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Update: Kirika’s eating a banana again.

After Chiharu runs off, she starts hearing pretty words from some guy in the shadows who apparently knows Chiharu and wants to win her heart. His name is Shima Kurosawa, and welcome to Jealousy and Love Triangle Land where everything is frustrating, obvious and even stupider than normal!

End.

Oh but wait, let’s address the ending theme. Look at this.

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Look at that woman’s nose! It is ungodly long! Is that supposed to be Kirika? When did she grow a snout? Oh I get it now. Every girl in this series is related to Pinocchio. Except, in addition to the nose growing, their chests also grow! Everything makes sense now!

I love how they make it worse by not only making that the only shot of the ED but they also mirror it in the background. I would say that they were just unreasonably proud of their shoddy artwork, but I’m pretty sure they were just insanely lazy.

Also, that shot really does showcase how incredibly long Kirika’s hair is. I used to think Sailor Moon or Venus had long hair. Jesus…

We get a next episode preview that only has two shots from the next episode, instead focusing more on a more detailed but still stupid picture of all the girls in random sizes being fanservicey again. And Kirika is, again, eating a banana….but, there’s no gentle way of putting this….she’s deep-throating this one, and the banana is drawn in such a shameless manner that it’s almost like they didn’t think you’d understood what the banana was supposed to signify. Really, the detail is so much that I honestly don’t think I can post a screencap without censors.

Well, kiddies, grab some ibuprofen and please try to refrain from rolling your eyes too much to avoid eye strain because we still have one more episode to go through….We’ve hit the halfway mark. Can you survive one more ride through the bra store of no return?

Episode 2 (Finale)


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