Eiken Episode 1 Review


Plot: Boing, boing, boing, banana, boing.

Breakdown: Warning – This review contains screencaps and language that is not suitable for younger audiences. Reader discretion is advised.

I’ve been wanting to review this series for some time now mostly because I see this as the pinnacle of pandering in terms of fetish anime…….except maybe Seikon no Qwazer, but one brain aneurysm at a time.

There are a lot of ecchi shows out there that bank on fanservice alone, but this is basically Fanservice: The Series. It’s not even like regular fanservice – it’s specifically nothing but fanservice aimed at people who have a thing for ridiculously huge breasts. Not just anime ridiculous breasts, but like ‘How are they not dead by now?’ breasts.

Because I think it would be redundant and/or short to just write off this series based on that, I decided I would be kind enough to walk you through both episodes of Eiken. Ready your bras.

Episode 1: The first shot of the first episode is of a banana peel on the floor. See, bananas are phallic symbols…..That’s all I got.

We get narration from our main character, Densuke, as he explains facts about his school, Zashono Academy – the building of which is also a big ol’ phallic symbol.

EIKEN 1.png

Also, it’s Den-Skay. Little to no emphasis on the ‘su’ part. Not Den-Su-kay, dub. He’s basically every male protagonist in every harem ever. Modest, bland character design, practically no personality and he’s completely forgettable.

As we see our first shot of Densuke, we also see a good chunk of the female student body, and not one of them has a cup size below DD.

EIKEN 2.png

Also, what the crap is up with those uniforms? This is like Kaichou wa Maid-sama levels of ugly. The boys have normal dark clothing yet the girls get fugly yellow, green and purple garbage. At least it doesn’t involve plaid, but that sweater vest isn’t helping any.

A girl runs into him, and they both fall over due to the banana peel from earlier (Damn kids and their banana peels. Haven’t they ever seen a comedy sketch!?) And somehow someway this causes her to fall on her back and him to fall on top of her. Physics, what’s that? They even show the fall in slow motion, because we really needed to see her teddy bear panties, and he’s clearly falling backwards on his back and she’s falling forward on her front, making the mistake even more obvious.

Apparently he’s a kid that a lot of people are gossiping about because he scored highest on the entrance exams to this supposedly prestigious academy because that’s what they yell when they see him fall over. That will never matter, but enjoy that information.

He realizes that he’s not just on top of the girl, he’s squeezing her shirt balloons. Her tatas are also so big and squishy that his hands are practically melting into them. I don’t have a chest quite so comically large, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t happen.


The others are getting on his case for groping the girl, Chiharu, and, even though it was an accident, I actually find it justified because even after he realizes what he’s touching he still squeezes them twice.

A mech comes flying out of nowhere with a girl, Kirika, riding on the side with a shot of her bra weights literally flapping in the wind. She has ridiculously long purple hair and seems to have the biggest bazongas thusfar.


You’ll also note that they had to get Phallic Symbol High in a better shot in the background with her too.

She tells Densuke that he’s been selected to join their club, the Eiken club, or as the dub likes to call it the Ai-ken club. Because why learn proper Japanese pronunciation when dubbing a Japanese show? That’s just silly.

She kidnaps him and tries to force him to sign up I guess because he literally is the perfect description of a Gary Stu character, and most importantly, not joking, because he touched another club member, Chiharu’s, ‘extra F-cup boobies’. I’ve been trying to avoid that word for comedic effect and moderate censoring (because I really don’t want the SEO of this blog post to be 80% keyword – boobies) but that is a direct quote from the show.

She eventually forces him to sign with his thumb print by forcing him down on the paper and sitting on his head. And she wears no underwear. You can’t see anything, but you can plainly tell.

As the deal is sealed we get our opening theme song. The song itself is completely generic and forgettable. The background animation is blah, but the main character runs through a generic background as he bumps into the various members of Eiken. Oh, they’re giant versions of the members and he always bumps into their hot air balloons.


After that, we see Chiharu standing behind the same background as the wind gently blows both her hair and her chimmichangas around. Okay, look, I gave a pass to the whole Kirika thing on the mech because the wind was likely really intense as she flew around and I would suppose something like that might be possible with winds that strong (I sincerely doubt it, but I don’t think Mythbusters would tackle this one), but come on. There’s not understanding milk balloon physics and being concerned that the people behind this have never seen or felt real ones before. They’re not made of the same material as flags!

Blah blah panty shots, blah blah random girl crotching Densuke to the face, blah blah random hula hoop session for all the characters to make their watermelons bounce around some more while simultaneously giving us plenty of panty shots. Also, Densuke looks ridiculous during this whole thing.


Blah blah making the credits bounce on one of the girl’s oingo boingos. Can we end now? Thank you.

Densuke’s alone in some building with some woman, and the dialogue is making it seem like like they’re about to do the bedroom tango. What they’re really doing is some insanely dumb form of fortune telling where they crawl around on the floor and try to pass a rose between their lips. If it falls or something, she can then tell his fortune. Yeah, I don’t get it either. Anyway, he doesn’t put the rose in her mouth and she says from the way the rose fell that he’s going to suffer misfortune, be beaten up and some opposing character will cause him grief.

Cut to later, oh and there’s a double balloon blimp in the sky. Guess why. Because they look like boo–

Densuke gets called over by his friends to look in a window and we see the female student body having their physicals with all of them being topless and/or braless talking about how big Chiharu’s chichis are.

He gets caught. and Kirika’s practically impressed that he’s a peeping tom….Kirika’s weird.

I’m gonna take a time out here to say the art is awful. I won’t go so far as to say it’s some of the worst I’ve seen but ew. If you’re going to get into the business of ecchi, at least be skilled enough in art to make things visually appealing. Between the stupid designs only blown up to ludicrous due to their chest sizes and the gross color schemes, no wonder even people who like even the stupidest of ecchi hate this show.


Now’s as good a time as any to get the intros to the other club members out of the way.

The person behind the mech and a lot of other weird tech things around, like what looks like a nuke and a….giant bear thing…Don’t ask questions, just move on – is a girl named Kyoko who is actually flatchested (Alert the media.) I would say that this is due to her age as she’s the second youngest of the group, but there’s another girl named Komoe who is actually younger than Kyoko and she has the same case of ‘parachuteforabra-itis’ that the other girls have. I guess we needed two loli characters – one for the ones with a chest fetish, the other for those who don’t.

I will also mention that the Wiki page was kind enough to actually provide the worryingly precise chest measurements of all of the girls in the series…..Just in case you needed to know that vital information.

The fortune teller from earlier is named Grace and she also doesn’t have particularly huge human utters.

And then there’s Sensei, who doesn’t have any name beyond ‘Sensei’ or in the dub ‘Teacher’. Her shtick is that she’s a whiny basketcase.

Finally we have the characters we’ve already met, Kirika, the psycho who apparently loves perversion, and Chiharu the shy one.

These characters are so paint-by-numbers that they’re friggin color coded. Not kidding at all. Chiharu has red hair, Kirika has purple, Kyoko has light blue, Grace has blond, Komoe has bright pink and Sensei has green.

Densuke tries to help Komoe get something in a high cabinet (Geez, those cabinets are like 7 feet off the ground, who built this place?) As they try something new, Kirika walks by….sucking on a banana.


Okay, look, I’m not dumb, I get the joke. Haha. But I always found that joke to be dumb, and my reasoning’s going to be just as stupid…..Who sucks on a banana? It’s not a damn lollipop – it’s a banana! It’s one of the most fragile fruits in existence. Babies can eat them whole before their teeth come in! It’s not like it’s even tempting to try. Bananas aren’t particularly sweet, especially not enough to want to suck on. An apple, maybe. A plum, sure. But not a damned banana.

They get the idea to hold Komoe up to let her reach the cabinet, but, surprise, Densuke is being suffocated by her boom booms. It’s not even like this is an ecchi shot either because despite them being in the shot, they show it from the back so you can’t even see what’s going on.

Teacher walks up to them after that plan fails to suddenly bawl about how she’s been teaching at the school for over 12 years and not one student ever remembers her name. Also, she actually pronounces Eiken correctly…..Well…I guess she IS the teacher.

Densuke tries to cheer her up by saying, as the club’s adviser, only she can can help them out of this problem….Grab a goddamn step stool you lazy sons of bitches…..

She freaks out in delight that one of her students actually respects her and needs her help, so she does the logical thing and hug-humps Densuke….

She says two heads are better than one, and I bring this up because there are THREE of them, so that saying doesn’t work, and we see Kirika walk by….sucking on a hotdog.


1) Who sucks on a hotdog?!

2) Really? You’re going to do one of the oldest ecchi-esque jokes in existence twice in a minute and a half? Comedy legends you lot are.

3) Who follows up eating a banana by eating a hotdog? Those tastes do not belong together at all.

4) Way to recycle animation.

So what was Teacher’s solution? To have both her AND Komoe climb up on Densuke’s shoulders to reach the cabinet….that they still can’t reach. But don’t worry. This time you can see Teacher’s thong. I have a hard time believing someone as insecure as her would wear a thong but whatever.

Also, uhm, question. How did you guys put the stuff into the cabinet? Use that method to REACH THE CABINETS NOW YOU DUMB SACKS OF DUMB.

They eventually reach what they need and eat lunch. Kirika asks Densuke how it was when he saw Chiharu’s bare flesh pillows. They talk about boring crap involving food for a while until Komoe decides to freak out and dance which makes her sweater meat flop all over the place. While dancing, she falls on another banana peel which leads to an intense discussion about politics.

Pbbthahahaha, just kidding. It’s more slow motion fanservice.

This fall takes forever and they cover practically every angle they can to show Komoe’s flopping bouncy houses, her panties, as well as Densuke reaching for said bouncy houses to catch her, and Teacher’s panties in several angles. Somehow this fall causes them to defy the laws of physics again and fall backwards, making Teacher’s dress go all the way up to her shoulders to display her in her bra and showing that Densuke is grabbing one of both of their orbs of power.

Oh yeah and because Teacher was trying to make more noodles, they got covered in noodles too….Long white wet stringy noodles. I guess I can at least be happy they weren’t eating anything with mayonnaise.…


I feel like I need to censor almost all of these screencaps.


Episode One-Derland (Cartoons) Martin Mystery


Plot: Ego-driven paranormal maniac, Martin, his hot-headed slightly skeptic step-sister, Diana, and Java the Caveman work for a secret organization called The Center, where they combat supernatural forces. Martin, Diana and Java are sent on their latest mission to France where several children have mysteriously gone missing, leaving being an odd goo behind as the only clue. Martin deduces that the boogeyman is really behind this, kidnapping all naughty children and leaving them for eternity in his bog. Can the boogeyman be stopped?

Breakdown: Annoying main characters? Check.

Trying desperately to shove over-the-top anime style comedy into our faces whenever possible? Check.

Bad animation? Check.

Expressions that don’t match what’s being said half the time? Check.

Lack of sound effects at noticeable points? Check.

A bunch of teenagers working for a secret organization where there are odd entrances everywhere? Check.

Untold amounts of things that make no sense? Check.

We truly have something made from Marathon Media and Image Entertainment – the same companies who produced Totally Spies! Also known as ‘we don’t know how to get out of this formula’ inc.

I remember Martin Mystery being advertised quite a bit when I was a kid. And I definitely remember them advertising the crossover that Martin Mystery did with Totally Spies! However, I never once sat down and watched a single frame of it. I dunno, it just never caught my attention.

Now that I’ve given it a shot, I’m quite glad it never caught my attention.

To get this out of the way, this show is harmless and less annoying than Totally Spies!, but that’s basically saying ‘Drink this! It’s not as disgusting as urine!’ The subject matter is also more interesting than Totally Spies! with paranormal monsters instead of ridiculous spy villains. Still, this show is basically using the template for Totally spies! just aiming it more towards boys.


The first episode starts off with Martin, Diana and Java at school (Java acts as the lunch worker. No idea how or why) Martin makes an idiot out of himself trying to hit on some girls when he has pudding in his teeth, and then he spills some of his food on Diana sparking the running side-plot of this episode. She claims Martin is such a slob that he can’t stay clean for 24 hours. They make a bet on that statement, and the loser has to give Java a foot massage.

They go through a “SECRET” door in the fridge of the cafeteria to the home base, The Center. This is so obvious it’s ridiculous. Yeah, Totally Spies! had the girls be swept away from wherever they were, which was unrealistic, but at least they were usually transported so quickly that no one would be able to notice. Martin yells to use the door in the fridge, points at it as he’s yelling, they slowly open the door wide, the doorway friggin’ glows, and they take their sweet time walking through it. Anyone could walk in there at any time. Even if the doorway had some cloaking device or something, plenty of kids just saw the lunch guy, Martin and Diana disappear through a fridge.

They get briefed from female version of Jerry named MOM, who gets them up to speed on the plot and they head off. After some detective work and another kidnapping, they decide to set a trap for the boogeyman. What is this ingenious trap, you may ask?

Using innocent children as bait, with their parents oddly easily obtained consent even though they’re aware of the situation, they hope to manhandle the boogeyman into submission or capture him in a net. Did I also mention this boogeyman can create portals and can turn into a multitude of maggots? (Alright, points given for creativity)

Martin, Diana and Java follow the boogeyman through his portal and are thrown into the boogeyman’s bog. While Diana and Java land in the water, Martin lands on land. I know what you’re thinking (or maybe not – you probably forgot about this dumb plotline already). “Hey, that means he lost the bet, right?” You’d think, but no. And, also no, he didn’t use some gadget (He has them because of course he does) to save him or some clever idea to avoid it. He just lands in it. On his back. Then he proclaims that he ended up being completely clean after that.

Uh, yeah Martin….no. Just no. You’re in a bog. A swamp. A marsh. A quagmire. They are wet areas no matter if you’re in the water or out. They’re muddy, they’re gooey, they’re swampy. They’re swamps. There’s no way you land flat on your back in a bog and not get dirty. I don’t care how dry that piece of land could possibly be, you’d still get dirty. I could land flat on my back in my front yard after a drought and still get dirty.

What’s worse is later he falls in the bog again, this time on his front, and they’re still making off like it’s fine because it’s land. Dirt is dirty. What is so hard to understand about that?

They find the kids in the bog and manage to escape the boogeyman’s world. But they still have to figure out how to beat the boogeyman for good. That requires replacing the final page of a book about the boogeyman that they took from the library that the first girl was taken from. Java and Martin combat the boogeyman, and Diana suddenly arrives with the final page from they-forgot-to-write-that-part-land. She reveals that the ending states that the kids return the boogeyman to his book, and that’s how he’s defeated.

After sealing the boogeyman away, it’s revealed that, during the whole hoopla, Martin somehow got a tiny yellow stain of unidentified stuff on his shirt, making him lose the bet.

Guys, you had an out. Just have Martin just some of the gook from the book on his shirt before he locked the book. Or have him be all dusty after he caused two clouds of dust from the mountain of books he landed on during the fight (That happened, and there was no mention of the bet. Yeah it seems stupid to mention such a thing during a battle but A) no one in these series ever cares if what they say is appropriate for the situation and B) this was a guy who refused to follow the boogeyman through his portal earlier in the episode because he was afraid he’d get the gunk on him. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen.)

MOM shows up and congratulates them while Martin arrogantly takes all the credit. These surprisingly British locals from this French town also thank them, and the stain suddenly falls from Martin’s shirt. Seems the stain was a small piece of paper from the library, so he didn’t lose the bet after all, making Diana the Java masseuse. The end.


As a first episode, it does fine. They introduce the characters and the world they live in perfectly fine. The main story is alright, and I do like how they portrayed the boogeyman, but he’s defeated and worked around very easily. The side plot served no purpose whatsoever, nor was it at least entertaining, and Martin should’ve lost it at least three times if anyone pays attention or uses basic logic. In the end, it’s the fact that the show itself is stupid and one of many of basically the same show from Marathon and Image that really hurts it.

I don’t like Martin much at all. He is that dumb as hell trope of the egotistical main lead who has nearly everything go his way or he somehow makes everything come out on top for him if he does suffer a setback. Usually these characters have some form of redemption in that they truly care about the victims or their duties but, no. Martin loves the supernatural, he loves investigating it and seems to be perfectly willing to put the mission and lives at risk if something petty that might chip his ego is in the way. He seems to do this job to see supernatural things and be proven as right all the time.

Diana is flatout annoying with how much she bickers with Martin. And her main character shtick makes no sense. She’s a skeptic, which is illogical since she works for an organization that is specifically designed to combat paranormal threats. She’s voiced by Kelli Sheridan, but she’s yelling so much that I don’t care.

Java is a caveman. He talks like a caveman and is strong. I have no clue how or why they’re partnered with a caveman, but there he is.



If you hate or dislike Totally Spies!, you probably won’t like this much better. It’s loud, obnoxious, there’s not much effort put into the story, there’s even less put into the little details of continuity, logistics and plotholes, and it gets to a point where it all melds together into white noise for me. I may subject myself to an off-the-cuff Cartoon Step-By-Step or some singular review, but for now this is being dropped to my ‘no’ bin.

Recommended Audience: Kids might find the concept of the boogeyman here to be kinda scary maybe. Other than that, nothing. 5+

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Dissecting the Disquels: Beauty and the Beast – Belle’s Magical World


Plot: Yet another midquel taking place sometime after the wolf attack but before the confrontation with Gaston, this movie consists of four short stories about Belle and the Beast and their adventures in the castle.

Breakdown: Oh boy. Just what I always wanted. Another crappy Disquel that isn’t really a movie so much as a bunch of episodes for a TV series that never happened stitched together like some sort of gaping wound….

At the end of my last Beauty and the Beast Disquel review, I noted that I had some hope for Magical World since Enchanted Christmas turned out to be okay.

I should learn never to have hope.

Soon after I finished that review, I started looking up reviews and info on Magical World, and hoo boy it’s much less well-received than Enchanted Christmas.

Not many people have a good word to say about it beyond ‘well, it’s a decent enough thing to entertain your very young kids with for an hour’. You know what else can entertain very young kids for an hour? Making pies out of dirt. An hour-long loop of fart noises. Playing ‘how much crayon can I get on the wall before Mommy or Daddy starts screaming?’

And do I even need to bring up the obvious again? Just as a refresher; this midquel is pointless. Most midquels are pointless, but the ones for Beauty and the Beast are especially pointless because they usually in some way involve mending bridges between Belle and Beast or worrying about if they’ll get together or not and whether everyone will turn back into people or not. We’ve seen the movie. They do. Tension over.

What were they even thinking trying to make this as a TV series? Were they really planning on making a TV series based on the midquel adventures of Belle and Beast? How much time went on during that short interlude between the wolf attack and Gaston? How much material could you possibly justify? It would just end up either being filler crap about the servants or the same arguing to resolution shtick that Belle and Beast go through nearly every time they see each other. That makes some damn good entertaining television.

This is actually one movie where it would really only work as a TV series if they focused on the original couple’s kids. I’m not exactly certain what they’d do with that, but at least it would be fresh material.

Enough stall tactics. Let’s break this down.

Segment one – The Perfect Word


We start off with Belle and Beast having a meal together. Belle is trying to tell Beast about a new book she’s reading, Cinderella (well, that’s kinda meta isn’t it?) while Beast is trying to be civil and kind to impress Belle.

Beast has a hot flash and can’t stand the heat in the room, but he’s advised to not open a window because it’s still winter and the servants and Belle will be very cold. He tries to bear it for a while but ends up demanding to have the window open anyway. He goes on a tirade saying he doesn’t have to be considerate of others because it’s his castle and he’ll do what he wants. He has a huge-ass temper tantrum, smacking away a new character, Webster, in the process.

Webster is a dictionary. Yup.

Belle says he’s being rude and foolish. She storms off, and Beast flips the table in anger.

Later, the two refuse to apologize until the other apologizes. They’re so adamant in not being the first to apologize that Webster, LePlume, a fountain pen, and Crane, a stack of papers, decide to forge a note to Belle pretending to be Beast apologizing.

Let me pause for a second and say, why yes, LePlume does indeed literally translate to ‘The pen.’ Between this and Webster, you guys are being so damn creative with your naming today. Only one that is a bit creative is Crane, which, from what I gather, was based on Thomas Crane, the owner of a paper mill that Paul Revere stabled his horses in and became one of the most widely known paper distributors ever.

But really, if you had to become an object, how much would it suck to be a stack of paper? You’re vulnerable to basically everything, except rocks if decision making games have taught me anything, you’re limited in supply and you’re disposable.

They forge the note, and Belle, who has been crying and waiting on bated breath for Beast’s apology (even rushing to the door and fixing her hair when she thinks he’s come to apologize….) accepts it and goes to apologize to Beast as well. Because apparently calling someone rude and foolish when they have a gigantic hissy fit because they’re hot and physically assaulting someone because of aforementioned frustration is something that warrants apology.

She’s clearly in the wrong.

They make up, and Beast tries to listen to Belle reading him a book. However, he’s loudly eating a snack as she reads, so she can’t concentrate enough to continue. Beast decides to control himself and puts aside the snack for later, telling her to continue. Cogsworth praises him for his restraint and says he wouldn’t want to have to write another apology letter.

At this, Beast is both infuriated and confused since he knows no such thing about a letter. Belle shows it to him, and Webster, LePlume and Crane admit what they did. Beast chases them throughout the castle, and Belle tries to protect them from his wrath. He spares their lives, but banishes them from the castle and says if anyone tries to offer them comfort, he’ll punish them.

If you think about it, at least two of these guys are as good as dead anyway. Remember, Webster’s a book and Crane is a stack of paper. They’re out in the snow. Crane should’ve been dead shortly after hitting the ground, and Webster would surely die in an hour or so.

The three traipse through the woods, hoping to find help at the nearest town. Because yeah, I can see everyone being helpful to talking library items.

Meanwhile, Belle beats herself up for not being the one to apologize to Beast….Girl, you barely had anything to apologize for. You rightfully called him rude and foolish after he blew up, blasted winter winds into the room and bitchslapped Webster. Sure it’s not nice to insult people, but stop acting like you were more in the wrong than he was because that could not be further from the truth. It’s not in the same atmosphere as the truth.

The three get lost and end up back at the castle. They don’t want to enter the castle because they’re afraid of what Beast will do to them, but Belle insists they come inside to get warm and dry. And in the cases of Webster and Crane, to get all wrinkly, weird-feeling and discolored. She says that the Beast may do and say terrible things sometimes, but deep down inside he has a good heart.

….He just kicked out three of his servants into the dead of winter and offered them no means of protection. Two of these servants could have easily died or at least suffered serious damage/injury the instant they hit the snow. But yeah, he’s a precious flower.


Beast overhears this, and as Belle tries to warm up them up, he apologizes to her for his behavior and apologizes to Webster, LePlume and Crane as well. As he leaves he says in a creepily happy tone “That was so easy! I feel happy now! Happier than I can remember!” Uhh….even people who aren’t raging assholes have difficulty admitting they were wrong and apologizing. It’s hardly easy, and considering it took days of pouting and more temper tantrums including him literally screaming “I will NEVERA…POLOGIZE!” I’d say it was pretty hard for you, furball.

And just making up with Belle makes him that happy? Yeah, sure.

Oh yeah and there’s a side plot with Lumiere having an argument with a chandelier and also having trouble apologizing. This is basically filler because it’s just reinforcing the lesson, and the only reason I really bring this up is because the chandelier’s name? Chandelieria. Yeah, that’s what they decided to name her. Chandelieria.

At least when they gave LePlume his name they were using the French word for ‘pen’ that English speaking countries don’t use. The English word for chandelier IS chandelier. If you’re going to be that lazy, let’s just call Lumiere ‘Candlestick’ and Cogsworth ‘Clock’.

And I’m calling bull on that being her name because almost always is her name being pronounced just ‘Chandelier.’ Sometimes it sounds like ‘Chandeliera’ but I always figured that the ending ‘a’ was a part of the accent. Never do they ever sound like they’re adding ‘ia’ to the end.

After that subplot is over, they extend the episode even more by them all reflecting upon the lesson of forgiveness.

And we’re still not done because we have to splice in a song break for some stupid reason. Couldn’t have put that in the middle of the episode or something? It’s just so jarring because after the scene on the veranda it, by all means, seems like a ‘fade out to credits’ moment. The music swells, we fade to black and then we get a random song.


The song is called ‘Listen with our Hearts’…..and it’s still repetitive parroting of the forgiveness lesson. Belle and Beast have lots of trouble communicating properly, they fight a lot because of it, but later when they’ve had time to cool off and take the time out to understand the other, they make up and love and romance and blah blah. The song itself is actually pretty decent, but it is so jarring in its placement and is really just more filler.

Holy crap, what a load of……well, crap. That whole shitstorm happened all because Beast had a massive tantrum over being hot. I get that he probably runs warmer than most people because of the fur and all, but it’s winter and they’re not near a source of heat or anything besides Lumiere and Chandelier, and, no, I’m not adding the ‘ia’.

There’s really nothing that seems to be spurring on his near heat stroke. Really, any normal person would just say ‘Excuse me, Belle, but I feel overheated. I am going to get some fresh air. Would you like to join me?’ If Beast was too perturbed to think of saying that himself, you’d think Cogsworth or Lumiere would suggest that. But no, he demands the window be open and then goes on an asshole spree. Between the massive mood swings and the hot flash, I’d say Beast is just going through menopause.

Then they have to act like friggin’ five-year-olds and do that stupid ‘I’m not apologizing until he/she apologizes’ crap. Something that probably could’ve been fixed if they reminded Beast or Belle of the rose and their current situation.

But, again, no, they have to make up a lie that was inevitably going to be uncovered, and Beast has to completely overreact. His servants have done much worse to him without them being punished too severely yet lying in an effort to fix his relationship to Belle is something banish-worthy? Especially in the middle of winter. Especially when the servants are porous pieces of stationary.

Segment two – Fifi’s Folly


This one can be summed up rather quickly. It’s the fifth anniversary of Fifi (the feather duster) and Lumiere’s first date. While Fifi is super excited about it, Lumiere just barely remembers. He asks for Belle’s help in not only making the night a replica of their first date, but he also needs help writing his feelings out on a cheat sheet since he has trouble doing it on the fly.

As Belle helps Lumiere in secret, Fifi follows them every step of the way, getting increasingly angry as she believes Lumiere is romancing Belle in the same manner that he romanced her on their first date. Because, yeah, I’m so sure he’d seduce Belle and screw over their chances of being turned back to humans….oh and yeah, Beast would turn him into a pile of melted wax and bent brass if he ever found out.

When everything’s set up for the date, Fifi explodes in a rage of jealousy and anger, consistently calling Belle terrible names behind her back. She decides if she can’t have her great anniversary date with Lumiere, no one will. So she cuts the strap of the ‘sleigh’ about three quarters of the way to ensure that Belle and Lumiere will crash and friggin’ DIE when they have their sleigh ride.

Oh and just to prove how stupid and angry Fifi is, she doesn’t realize that having a sleigh ride in a modified punch bowl pulled by a small dog-footrest would be a bit on the impossible side for Belle….

Fifi’s about to leave the castle forever when she’s stopped by Lumiere who explains that the date was for their anniversary. She’s slightly embarrassed, but since she did most of her jealous insanity in secret, she goes on the date just fine. She even gets on the sleigh ride, simply hoping the strap won’t break the whole time. Because it’d be way too hard to say ‘Oh my, Lumiere, this strap seems like it’s been frayed! Perhaps we should replace it before our sleigh ride, my love!’ Nope, better risk your neck…or…handle.

A candlestick doesn’t have to do much work to make himself look hot.

The strap breaks, and they go out of control, resulting in them flying off the side of the mountain and barely hanging on by a branch. Also, Lumiere needs to make up his mind on how he sweats. Several times before this he sweats by having the candlewax on his head melt. Later, he sweats regularly.

As Belle and the other household items try to reach them, Lumiere admits his love for Fifi and he and Fifi are saved.

So yeah….that was pretty dumb too, wasn’t it? I mean, a story about Lumiere and Fifi, fine. But we know that Lumiere’s not trying to date Belle so half the episode with Fifi seeing more and more evidence to the contrary is completely pointless and wouldn’t even make sense if we didn’t know by seeing them preparing for the date.

Fifi’s a goddamn psycho. Why should we feel happy that a bitch who tried to kill Belle and Lumiere out of jealousy got her man? I wanted nothing more than to pluck her feathers by the end. I also wasn’t aware that Lumiere and Fifi were a legit couple. He flirts with so many women, it’s hard to believe he’s in a relationship.

Oh and Beast was not in a single frame of this episode. Some Beauty and the BEAST series they were making.

Segment Three – Mrs. Potts’ Party


This one can be summed up even more quickly. Mrs. Potts is feeling down because it’s been cloudy for weeks. Belle and the others decide to cheer her up by throwing her a party. Lumiere and Cogsworth screw everything up because of their fighting. Mrs. Potts finds out about their party plans and says this whole thing is just making her feel even worse.

Belle apologizes and says everything’s her fault for some reason when it’s obviously not. Mrs. Potts says she’s really upset that all of her friends are fighting so much, and the others decide to try and make another party. By the dialogue, they sound like they’re doing it more to prove that they can work together and not because they really want to make it up to Mrs. Potts. They succeed, yay party.

Followed up by a song that doesn’t quite fit called ‘A Little Thought’. Basically, it’s about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand how they feel and get along and work together, but they didn’t do that. They just up and decided to not be selfish idiotic children.

This episode is completely boring. There are no jokes, if there are they’re so lame they’re not even worth noticing, and the plot is so predictable I could cry. Also, really, Mrs. Potts is brash enough to say “Well, this whole thing just makes me just feel worse.”?

Ya know, almost anyone would feel better or at least feign a better mood just by learning that their friends care about them enough to make a party for them, especially going to all the trouble they did. Sure, she’s upset that they’re fighting, but she’s negating the effort behind the planning and the care behind the whole idea.

Then the others let Belle take all the rap for it even though she fought with no one, this whole thing was her idea, and she did her damnedest to keep the others from fighting? Lumiere, Cogsworth, the two stupid married oven mitts, you guys can contract the worst type of mold.


I bet you’re wondering where the Beast was in this one. He was asleep…..through the whole thing. He was apparently fixing leaks on the roof and it took so much out of him that he was out like a light and slept through like three days. First of all, the Beast was fixing leaks on the roof? When he has a whole castle full of servants? Some of which probably are lumber, hammers and nails because apparently damn near everything is alive here? Uh huh, sure.

Yeah they’re all objects now, but they’re fully capable of doing every other chore around the castle. I can’t see how one of them wasn’t able to do that. Nor how the Beast could be bothered to do it anyway. He can’t seem to do anything on his own besides mope, emotionally abuse people and beat things up.

Second, he was in a comatose-like sleep for around THREE DAYS? How could a beast with his strength and abilities get that exhausted by fixing a roof?

Finally, Beast wakes up in the final shot of the episode where he sees his bedroom filled with flowers (Long stupid story; Lumiere and Cogsworth did it to cover up the party.) He sniffs a rose and sneezes, the end. Yup, Beast is allergic to roses. I’m not sure if that’s deeply ironic. Thank god he never sniffed the magical rose or else they’d all be screwed the second after the spell was set in motion.

Segment Four – Broken Wing


Let’s just plow through the entirety of this one. Beast, who is actually actively participating in an episode, holy crap, is hounding Cogsworth to get a perfect lunch ready for him and Belle. Meanwhile, a bird breaks its wing and crashes in through the window in Belle’s room. The Wardrobe, who apparently has several names but no name in the animated version, freaks out.

Wardrobe: “The master! Oh he will..!…He doesn’t much care for animals.”

Belle: “But it’s only a tiny bird.”

Wardrobe: “Oh! The master likes birds least of all!”

There are several things wrong with that statement. First, beast hates animals….when he pretty much is one right now? If there was ever a time where he’d sympathize with animals, it’d be now.

Second, how can he hate animals when he has a pet dog? Remember Sultan? He is a dog, just as a footstool now. By the way, how much of a bitch is the enchantress to also change his dog into furniture? He’s just a dog. Changing his servants was unfair enough, but the dog? I hope you got hit by lightning out in that storm, lady.

Finally, he hates birds most of all? Must suck to be Witherspoon, the servant who got turned into a pigeon…..The character that was created just for this movie…..

Beast bangs on her door, and Belle and Wardrobe hide the bird inside of the Wardrobe (………Uhhhhhh……ewww?)

I see you share my thoughts, Wardrobe.

He enters, and after some tweaking of his insanely awful manners, he invites her to lunch and she accepts, with him nearly catching wind of the bird as he leaves.

Belle asks what Beast has against such cute and harmless animals as the bird and the Wardrobe says;

Wardrobe: “Well, it’s beautiful, lovely and sweet. Everything he’s not.” Well, by that logic, he should hate Belle too.

Belle treats and cares for the bird, there’s some stupid subplot about no one wanting to obey Cogsworth because he has a stick up his ass, but they listen to Mrs. Potts because she’s so kind and motherly, and he’s jealous. Belle is really late for lunch so Beast angrily goes to fetch her, and she admits that she’s been taking care of a bird.

He demands that she get rid of it, and sadly proclaims his disappointment that she’d rather care for a bird than eat lunch with him. And by ‘sadly proclaims’ I mean he squeaks out “You were supposed to eat with me….” while sounding like he was gonna start sobbing at the end. I swear, Beast needs loads of therapy.

Their dinner will now have the musical accompaniment of a concerto from the player of the world’s smallest violin.

He decides to get rid of the bird himself and chases it around the castle. It’s funny how the Beast can’t keep pace with a wounded bird.

They continue their chase when Beast trips over his own cape and falls down the stairs. He hits his head and falls unconscious.

PbbbbttttttttBWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Hey angry mob from the movie; forget the torches and pitchforks, just put a flight of stairs in front of the Beast. See, Edna from The Incredibles was right. Capes are nothing but trouble.

As the Beast starts to come out of it, he hears the bird singing and finds it so nice that he pulls a 180 and demands that the bird never leave the castle. (Yup, yup, loads of therapy. Maybe a med or two. Maybe an MRI.) He wants the bird kept in a cage so it can sing for him forever, despite Belle’s pleas.

So….has the Beast never heard a bird sing?

Obviously, the bird won’t sing when it’s all depressed in a cage. Cogsworth suggests singing to the bird to prompt it to sing. After his and Beast’s embarrassing attempts, Beast commands Cogsworth to go get Belle.

When Belle arrives, she points out the obvious, sad bird won’t sing, yelling at it won’t help, but Beast won’t listen.


Days or weeks pass and Beast reflects on what Belle said. He grabs the bird cage and heads upstairs where he rips the lock and door off of the cage (there are these things called ‘keys’ Beast) and they make it look like he’s going to kill the bird but he’s really taking his bandage off since he believes it’s healed now.

Cogsworth tries to prod him to knock the bird out or keep a tight grip on the bird to keep him from flying off, but Beast reveals that he won’t fly away because he trusts him. Oh yeah, you earned that trust by taking him away from a loving caretaker, chasing him around the castle, locking him in a cage, yelling at him and then never letting him out of the cage until you believe he’s been healed. ~~Trust.

Anyway, the Beast lets the bird go and while it can fly for a little while, it ends up falling on one of the castle’s spires. Beast jumps down to save him and nearly falls, Cogsworth falls while trying to call out for him, the Beast saves the bird, but Cogsworth ends up falling again because he never fixed the Beast’s ripped cape.


The little piece of cape catches on another ledge and Cogsworth starts to apologize to the servants down below for being a hardass. Oh right, the subplot. I completely forgot. The cape rips, the servants save him.

Meanwhile, the bird flies away again, now perfectly fine somehow, gives a quick nudge to Belle and flies away. Sometime later, Belle and Beast finally have their lunch and the bird returns with a new girlfriend. Because no happy ending is truly happy unless everyone has a love interest. That’s why so many sequels exist.

Beast is happy, Belle’s happy, hooray. Credits with uninteresting and unfitting jaunty music. The end.


Welp….Ahhh…..That sure explains why this show never saw the light of day outside of this ‘movie’.

This is a mess of a movie. It’s not really a movie to begin with. It’s just an excuse to make money from the TV series episodes they already animated. The episodes themselves are just bland and uninteresting with hardly a joke or exciting moment to be had. The Beast’s insane mood swings get really tiresome after a while (I was actually thankful he wasn’t in segments two or most of three after getting sick of his bull in four.) And you just sit there wondering why you’re watching it.

The art is only passable. At the very least you can recognize the characters immediately, but the details are scarce, Beast is just drawn weird, especially when he’s happy, the coloring is very off, particularly with Beast who looks bleached out, and they make the castle look absolutely drab.

The animation? A contender for worst animation of the Disquels. This is where that ‘derp Belle’ screen shot meme came from, and trust me, that’s not the only time she does it.

There are animation errors in nearly every shot, and they’re so obvious I almost want to say these episodes are unfinished or at least unpolished for final distribution. I just could not stop seeing weird animation errors and quirks. Like the last shot of Belle eating with Beast, she’s clearly only animated from the waist up with her butt and skirt being completely still.

It’s also obvious that they took shortcuts like keeping Beast out of nearly half of the episodes since I imagine he’s the hardest/most costly to animate, and other characters stay off screen for a long time when he is in the episode, like Lumiere disappeared for most of segment four.

The music is alright, but completely forgettable. That song I said was pretty decent? ‘Listen with Our Hearts’? By the time I finished the second segment, I had completely forgotten what it sounded like. It was even worse with the second song because I didn’t care much for it in the first place.

The songs are just oddly placed too. Musical numbers in movies, and even in TV shows, are usually kept for somewhere in the actual episode, not shoved until after the episode has already ended like some super reinforcement of the lesson. It’s really weird that this movie only has two songs anyway. Based on a movie that was praised for its music, two meh musical numbers is all they can come up with? They aren’t even trying.

Bottom Line: In the end, this movie is a complete waste of time. The lessons that it’s trying to teach are either so in your face that you’d think they were talking to toddlers or they were so unclear that you’re left scratching your head and wondering what the point was. There’s plenty to be irritated about here, whether it’s the poor writing or irritating character moments, and ignoring all of that just leaves you with a bunch of really bland TV show episodes.

Beauty and the Beast was never meant to be a series. It doesn’t have the structure, it doesn’t have the proper style, and it’s ridiculous that they were trying to jam seasons worth of material into what was probably a few weeks or a month of unspecified downtime in the movie. Hell, in the time that lapsed in segment four alone, they were likely already at the point in the movie where they were transformed back into humans.

But hey, who cares about that when you can save money in the art department by having perpetual nuclear winter, apparently.

The idea is terrible, what came of it was terrible, it’s pointless because we already know the outcome of the movie and thus know that every single conflict they’ll come up with ends up okay anyway; it’s just a bottomless chasm of pointless blah.

And you know what? I watched a special edition version with an extra episode. Mrs. Potts’ Party wasn’t in the original version of this movie, so the actual first version of this movie has even LESS value. Why did they place Mrs. Potts Party as the third segment and not tack it on as the last, anyway? Did they think that episode was unworthy of ending on? I mean, it was awful, but the actual end is just saving a bird.

I concur that Enchanted Christmas was eons better than this movie. At least that was a movie. At least they had a budget. At least it had a semi-interesting plot, barring the predictable ending due to ‘midquel-itis’. At least they inserted songs INTO the movie where they belong.

Well, at the very least Magical World is decent enough to entertain your very young kids with for an hour….


Recommended Audience: Absolutely nothing. E for everyone.

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Digimon Adventure 01 Episode 7 Sub/Dub Comparison

Digimon ep 7 main

Plot: Jo’s at his boiling point as he tries to be smart and safe while the others keep joking about their situation and not taking things seriously. In an effort to protect everyone from the dangers of Infinity Mountain while trying to get a view of the island, Jo takes it upon himself to sneak out and climb the mountain on his own with Gomamon following behind. But when the gentle Unimon gets hit by a Black Gear, both Jo and Gomamon will need to protect everyone.


Title Card: Digimon ep 7 title

Title Change: A Roar! Ikkakumon! is changed to Ikkakumon’s Harpoon Torpedo!

Also, that is another awesome title card.

Gomamon isn’t berating Joe for complaining about the cold in the original. It’s also a pretty out of place line since it’s the very first line we get. We don’t hear or see Joe complaining before this so it just seems weird.

Joe: “I’m allergic to fur…” No one brought up fur. Gomamon just said to think warm.

Mimi doesn’t bring up snowmen, nor do the Digimon ask if a snowman is a Digimon from their world. They just keep talking about snowball fights.

In the shot of Takeru, Taichi, Yamato and Koushiro talking, you can’t hear what they’re saying. Jo’s talking over it all about how a massive temperature drop and snow wouldn’t be fun – it’d be a serious situation because it would make it incredibly difficult to make camp. In the dub, you can hear the boys talking and Joe has no dialogue. The boys are also talking about how the snow will all fall on Joe’s head when it happens and they can’t wait to see it.

A pretty significant point here is left out as Jo says he has to protect everyone because he’s the oldest. It reflects that Jo’s not just a stuffy worry wart who can’t relax, but that he’s taken it upon himself to be the one that ensures that everyone stays safe. While it can be argued that he’s a worry wart anyway, in this situation he believes he doesn’t have the luxury of goofing around and not being serious because someone has to be responsible and watch out for the group’s well-being in more ways than one.

They get the next part basically right, but the reason the group can smell the hot spring is because they can smell the sulfur. The dub seems to imply that they can smell the steam, which doesn’t really make sense.

Jo originally points out that everyone’s cheerful yet he can’t be because he holds the responsibility. In the dub, he talks about how it would be big trouble if these eggs got them sick because there’s no doctor around.

Yamato says the eggs would go great with soft rice and everyone agrees. In the dub, he says the eggs would go great with ketchup, and, while TK agrees with that sentiment, Sora says it sounds gross. I guess eggs with ketchup is more American than rice.

I have to wonder what kind of eggs those are. There are no chickens in the Digital World, are there?

Despite the fact that Matt says he liked ketchup on his eggs, he later requests salsa (That’s a thing too?) In the original, Yamato says he’d like mayonnaise on his eggs, which, while maybe sounding weird, isn’t that odd considering egg salad and deviled eggs.

Sora says she likes sauce on hers (what sauce, I don’t know.) In the dub, Sora just responds to Matt’s comment about salsa.

Koushiro says he likes his eggs with ponzu on them, which is basically citrus fruit juice. In the dub, while they could’ve said something like lemon or orange juice, they decided to have him say—wait for it……Mustard and jellybeans….Okay, the ponzu stuff was a little gross but quirky. Mustard and jellybeans? Just…why?! Why would ever even think to try that?!

Takeru also originally agrees with Taichi and the others that saying the ponzu stuff is weird whereas TK says it sounds good.

Mimi says their suggestions are weird then follows it up by saying she likes her eggs topped with sugar and maybe some natto (fermented soy beans)….Dub!Mimi says she likes them covered in maple syrup and cherries. Ya know, I’m gonna have to side with Joe here, what is wrong with just salt and pepper? I mean, ketchup’s okay, and I really like cheese on them, but a lot of these suggestions are just gross. I understand that’s sorta the joke, but ew.

The group also responds to Mimi’s favorite with disgust, but in the dub TK, while looking grossed out and covering his mouth with his hands, mind you, says it probably tastes good.

Jo originally says that the Japanese culture is falling apart due to, yes, their bizarre egg preferences. Joe leaves this out.

Jo doesn’t mention anything about Yamato squeezing his arm like Joe does. And he barely touched Joe so I dunno what that was about.

Sora’s the one who explains why Taichi wants to climb Infinity Mountain in the original over a shot of Taichi arguing with Yamato. In the dub, Tai’s the one saying it. The same happens with Yamato.

Yamato says that he’s not going to let Taichi’s recklessness get them into danger. In the dub, Matt tells Tai to put his fists down when he talks to him and says Tai keeps trying to bully himself into being leader.

Jo doesn’t mention anything about being good at climbing in the original, he just says he has to be the one to climb Infinity Mountain.

Gomamon claims Joe’s not being honest with himself (which could be a poke at his future crest since it’s Honesty in the original) and says he was really scared of going up there alone because he felt he might be helpless.

In the dub, Gomamon says under his breath that he sometimes has to trick Joe (in reference to saying he’s not following Joe, he has stuff to do on Infinity Mountain.) Joe asks if he said something and Gomamon says he was saying it’s a nice night for a walk. Joe tells Gomamon he’s crazy, and Gomamon replies that that’s okay because he has more fun that way.

Jo originally says that he doesn’t quite trust Gomamon on Unimon being a nice and gentle Digimon since similar information like that has been wrong in the past, and Gomamon doesn’t deny this. In the dub, they skip these lines and go straight to saying that the stream must be Unimon’s watering hole and that he’s coming down for a drink.


Gomamon: *as Unimon’s drinking* “I told you he was a nice Digimon. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Yes because drinking water…means you’re nice?

Unimon’s dub voice ruins his whole majestic image, in my opinion….He has no voice in the original, just horse noises.

Attack Name Change: Holy Shot is changed to Aerial Attack. I like the original better.

Greymon originally just says nothing and gets up when Tai asks if he’s okay. In the dub….he responds by saying “I’m stylin’, dude!”…….Uggggghhhh.

Another post-evolution song gone.

Attack Name Change: Harpoon Vulcan is changed to Harpoon Torpedo.

Tai: “Wow, Joe, you were pretty jammin’ out there!” Stop it!

Yay they did it! They made it to the peak of Infinity Mountain……Which begs the question why they didn’t think to just take Birdramon before….Or Kabuterimon for that matter. The big fight was about it being dangerous to make the climb, but if they could bypass the climb by flying, which Taichi and Sora did, then….what was the point of the argument? I guess the real point was that no one was sitting down and thinking about it, but still that’s pretty damn obvious.

The big revelation on top of the mountain was supposed to be that the ocean was so vast and you could see nothing as far as the eye could see. While the dub does basically say the same thing, they don’t act like this is some drastic revelation like the original, they just brush it off.

Next up is a bunch of debuts; Leomon, Ogremon and the big baddie for this part of the season, Devimon. This is also the part where the kids get separated from each other. Things are really getting interesting now!

…Previous Episode

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Pokemon Episode 23 Analysis – The Tower of Terror

Pokemon ep 23 title

CotD(s): None

Captures (Ehhhhh kinda maybe?): Ash’s (?) Haunter – Whether or not Ash truly ‘caught’ Haunter is up for debate. I’m on the side of him not catching Haunter because we never see the capture, Haunter is never in his Pokeball, and it’s more heavily implied that Haunter is helping him with this one task and will then go back home.

Haunter is my favorite of the Gastly line, and the Haunter here is pretty funny. Sure his antics get a little tired, but he’s mostly funny.

Plot: After making their way through a dense and scary fog, the group arrives in Lavender Town – Home of the Pokemon Tower that is famed for its Ghost Pokemon.

Team Rocket has arrived ahead of time, and they get a sneak peak at the ghosts around the tower as they try to lay a trap for Pikachu. A nearby Gastly has some fun with Team Rocket and sends them crashing through the floor.

Ash and the others make their way into the tower with only a candle to light their way. They are continuously freaked out by the sounds of the tower such as screaming (by Team Rocket) and strange laughter (Gastly, Haunter and Gengar watching TV). Suddenly, the lights turn on and reveal a nearby feast. They pull a string, which triggers an explosion of confetti and a welcome banner.

The food and furniture then float around and attack the group, forcing them out of the room and giving Gastly, Haunter and Gengar a good laugh.

Misty, Brock, Charmander and Pikachu want nothing more to do with the Pokemon Tower. Ash is only able to convince Charmander and Pikachu to go back with him. He believes he’s found a Ghost Pokemon in its vapor form and tries to capture it, but he unknowingly attacks Team Rocket instead.

They suddenly come face to face with Haunter and try to battle it, but to no avail. Charmander succumbs to a Lick attack by Haunter and Ash is forced to recall him.

Suddenly, Gengar shows up and the two try to make Ash laugh with some slapstick humor, but Ash is less than impressed. Depressed at their failure and Ash’s comments on their comedy act, they start to disappear under the floor. Ash tries to grab them before they leave, but just crashes into the floor.

The impact rattles an overhead chandelier, which crashes into Ash and Pikachu. As they lie unconscious, Haunter grabs their spirits from their bodies, wanting to fly around with them for a while. Ash has a bit of trouble believing he’s a ghost at first, but quickly decides to have some fun by flying around and picking up Misty.

After some more fun, the three ghosts lead Ash and Pikachu back to the tower where they show them their play room. Ash deducts that these ghosts are not really threats but simply want to play with the visitors of the tower since they’re bored and lonely being stuck in the tower all the time. Despite having a good time with them, he explains that he has to go back to his body and live his life, so the ghosts tearfully part with him.

Misty and Brock, having dragged Ash and Pikachu’s bodies from out of the chandelier, try desperately to wake them up, fearing the worst. Ash and Pikachu quickly return to their bodies and reunite with their friends.

The next morning, Ash and the others leave the Pokemon Tower empty-handed. Brock asks how Ash will beat Sabrina without a Ghost Pokemon when Haunter reappears and jokingly scares Brock and Misty away. It has decided to hang out with Ash for the time being and help him in his rematch with Sabrina.


– Gotta love that trope where someone sees something scary, tells another character to look where they’re looking and by the time they look it’s gone. I’ll also say it’s a part of that trope to have the person who saw the scary thing shriek at the top of their lungs yet no one finds that odd.

– While I like this episode just fine, I do find it to be a horrible waste in regards to what this town really is. As many fans of the games know, Lavender Town is a surprisingly depressing town, and the Pokemon Tower is home to one of the saddest moments in any of the games.

Lavender Town is filled with grieving people who share stories of their Pokemon who have passed away. The Pokemon Tower is essentially one giant Pokemon cemetery littered with Ghost Pokemon and the ghosts of Pokemon who cannot rest.

Within Lavender Town is Mr. Fuji’s House where he cares for abandoned or orphaned Pokemon. When the player arrives, he explains that he’s currently caring for a Cubone who recently lost its mother when it was killed by Team Rocket.

Once the player obtains the Silph Scope and becomes able to identify the ghosts within the Pokemon Tower, he finds the ghost of Cubone’s mom and the player has to defeat her in order to allow her spirit to pass on. It’s also kinda implied that a good chunk of the Pokemon within Pokemon Tower were killed by Team Rocket.

In the anime, however, it’s just a tower where a bunch of Ghost Pokemon hang out and Lavender Town isn’t even explored. I get that Pokemon is far from a dark or deep show, but watering Lavender Town and Pokemon Tower down this much just seems really weak. At least they make up for it in Pokemon Origins.

– While I, again, like that Ash thought to use a Pokemon to solve a problem, yet again using Charmander as a lantern, there is seriously no excuse now for him to not be carrying a flashlight. At the very least Brock should have one. Ash has a random skull mask in his backpack but not a flashlight?

– Wait, they never even tried to turn on the lights? Nullify my last half-compliment.

– I don’t know how Ash managed to coerce Pikachu and Charmander into going back into the tower by saying they can’t beat Sabrina without a Ghost Pokemon. He asks them if they want to lose again, but Charmander never battled to begin with.

Also, if you’re getting a Ghost Pokemon to beat Sabrina, it won’t help THEM beat her Pokemon, will it? That flashback Pikachu has about getting beat by Kadabra is also kinda sad. It acknowledges that it failed and feels very sad about it, but, again, getting a Ghost Pokemon won’t help it beat Kadabra.

– Ash clearly hears people talking down a hole in the floor, so his first instinct is to shock it with Pikachu and set it on fire with Charmander? I know it was Team Rocket (so haha, they deserve it by default) and he thought they were Ghost Pokemon, but he didn’t even try to see what was down there before attacking it. He could’ve been attacking an innocent person.

– Also, why is Dexter so mysterious about Ghost Pokemon’s forms now? Just a few episodes ago, we met a Ghost Pokemon – Gastly. And it was indeed in another form – The ghost of Maiden’s Peak. However, it had no difficulty finding the entry of the Pokemon when Ash was able to aim the Pokedex towards the main ghost form.

– They did the “Ah, something’s behind you!” *they look* “You’re seeing things” thing again….

– Dexter: “Haunter – The Gaseous Pokemon. No further information found.” No furth—It’s Gastly’s evolved form. Ash even already has the Pokedex info for Gastly. You honestly don’t know that much? You’re being particularly useless today, Dexter.

Ash: “Ah?! Is that all?!” My sentiments exactly, Ash.

– Why did Charmander start making funny faces at Haunter when it was told to use Leer?

– Dexter: “Gengar – No information found.” Are you friggin’ kidding me? Gengar was the first ever Pokemon to be shown on this show. We know people own them, so there’s no excuse as to why there’s absolutely no information on them, not even a classification.

– Ash, king of terrible puns, is making fun of Gengar and Haunter’s slapstick. Pot, kettle, black.

– I guess if we accept that Ash and Pikachu died we also have to accept that Haunter was a big enough dick to laugh at someone dying.

– Alright, we can just say Ash and Pikachu got knocked out by the chandelier at this point. It does make a little bit of sense with the proceeding scenes. It’s widely accepted by many beliefs that we’re closer to the realm of spirits when we’re asleep, knocked out or nearly dead. It’s possible Ash and Pikachu are unconscious and, because they’re closer to the spirit world now, Haunter was able to pluck their spirits from their bodies and later return them.

Plus, if Ash really did die, you’d think his reaction would be more dramatic than ‘Oh no!….Oh well, let’s fly around and have fun! Wheeee!’

– Wow, Ash, you could’ve killed Misty by dropping her from that height. You don’t know if Brock would’ve been able to catch her. What an ass. It’s even worse considering that, before he grabbed her, she was talking about how worried she was of Ash, and Ash heard her say that. He doesn’t even feel bad that his friends are so worried.

– Okay, so if the Pokemon Tower in the anime is not a giant Pokemon cemetery, what exactly is it? I know it’s a place where Ghost Pokemon hang out, but it’s only these three and there are a bunch of things here that could not be around without people like toys and carnival rides and huge feasts. This stuff is fully functional and not covered in dust. Who built this place? Why is it abandoned? Who used to live here?

– Gastly, Haunter and Gengar only scare visitors to the tower because they’re trying to play with them. Okay.

They want to play with them because they’re incredibly bored being stuck in a tower all the time.

Why are they stuck there?

I know the lore of ghosts commonly has them being anchored to locations where they must haunt because it has a strong connection to their life or death. However, these are Pokemon – not people. And we’ve seen that they can come and go as they please. They just flew around town and the local woods with Ash just a few shots ago, and Haunter will make its way all the way to Saffron City in the next episode, even staying with Sabrina. Why are they staying at this tower if they’re so bored and lonely?

You can’t even say that they stay there for a majority of the day or something because, as was established in The Ghost of Maiden’s Peak, sun+ghosts=bad (except when it’s not), but Haunter goes into clear sunlight in the next scene and the next episode.

– Haunter needs to intervene to take their souls out of their bodies, but getting back in just requires laying down on the floor on top of them?

– Ash and Pikachu made it out of that without even a slight injury?

– Aw, Misty crying because she thought Ash was dead, aw.

– Brock: “Then how will you beat the Psychic Pokemon?”

Ash: “Hmm….Maybe I’ll just have to use my sense of humor!”

It’s kinda funny because that is exactly how he wins.

– The Ghosts are harmless, eh? They’ve tied up Team Rocket and are spinning them around endlessly on a merry-go-round. That’s not very harmless.


I thought this episode was better than it ended up being upon the rewatch. The first half is kinda boring, especially since we already have a slight grasp on Ghost Pokemon at this point, despite them changing the rules. It’s not even so much of a story as it is a ton of padding to get to Haunter randomly deciding to follow Ash (and subsequently abandon his friends at the tower) to help him beat Sabrina, which is particularly weird on the episode most people remember as ‘the one where Ash and Pikachu die.’ Even that’s not a big plot point.

It wasn’t even necessary, nor was it even truly a legitimate ‘death.’ They could’ve flown them around and had fun with them without them being ghosts.

Team Rocket’s role was entirely pointless. While I don’t like their intrusions a bulk of the time, they literally just show up to be pushed out of the way and are relegated to slapstick comic relief for the rest of the episode.

I could forgive them completely gutting Lavender Town and Pokemon Tower if they replaced it with something of far more substance, but they didn’t deliver at all. There’s absolutely no story attached to this place or these Pokemon – They just exist. This also seemed like a lazy way of introducing two new Pokemon (Haunter and technically Gengar) at once.

It’s not an awful episode, but it’s poorly handled and could’ve been so much better.

Next episode, Ash has his rematch with Sabrina. Will Haunter be enough to help him take her down, or will his new ghostly friend let him down?

Previous Episode…..

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SSBS – Zoids (Chaotic Century) Episode 1: The Boy from Planet Zi

Zoids 1 title

Plot: Van is young boy who wants nothing more than a Zoid of his own to pilot, just like his late father. After being chased down by some crooked Zoid pilots, a Guysak pilot in particular named Bull, Van becomes trapped in some old war ruins.

He finds a secret passage that leads him to two pods, and he accidentally opens one of them, revealing a baby raptor-like Zoid that he names Zeke. Bull returns to finish him off, and Zeke tries to protect Van to no avail.

Zeke takes Van and flies them out of the ruins, leading them to an old ruined Shield Liger. Zeke amazingly fuses with the Shield Liger, bringing it back to full form, and Van manages to scare off the enemy.

After the battle concludes, Zeke leads them back to the ruins where he prompts Van to open the second pod. Thinking it’s another Zoid, Van excitedly agrees only to find that the pod contains a strange girl.

Breakdown: Zoids was a show that I definitely followed when I was younger. Here’s the thing though, outside of the bare basics, I remember nothing of the story. I remember Zoids, I remember fighting, I remember Van, Fiona and Zeke, that’s about it. I don’t know if that says something about the quality of the show. Hopefully it’s just my crappy-ass memory.

As for this first episode, it’s pretty good. Not great, but pretty good. They establish basically what Zoids are without going into expositiony detail. They introduce Van quite well, and he’s a really likable character so far. You click with him near the end when you see how excited he is to win his first Zoid battle. His relationship with Zeke also starts out pretty strong.

The enemies…..are….the biggest weak point of the episode. The other two, who pilot Command Wolves, are just blah, which is not at all helped by their completely bored voice acting.

Bull, however, is just nearing ridiculously evil. He whines about not getting one of the cool Command Wolves from whoever his bosses are, so he takes command of a stray Guysak, a scorpion-like Zoid, and tries to prove its worth by killing Van….Yeah I’m sure you’ll look so impressive killing a small boy with a 20 ton battle robot. He justifies it by saying he witnessed something or other, but it’s pretty flimsy.

The other weak spot of this episode would probably be the scene with Van’s sister at their father’s grave. It’s just a big fat exposition dump.

The art is usually pretty good, and even the CGI Zoids look pretty nice and don’t clash too much with the traditional animation. However, there are a bunch of scenes with silly and odd facial expressions. Nearly every shot of Bull is a screenshot for the books, and even Van gets some laughable faces.

The music is pretty good, and the ED has stuck with me throughout the years. Something interesting about this series is that, unlike a ton of English dubbed shows, this one keeps the next episode previews, which I greatly appreciate even if they have a habit of spoiling episodes every now and then.

The voice acting, English, is a mixed bag so far. Van’s VA is pretty good, and Bull’s is alright, but the silver haired Command Wolf pilot was just horrible. He could not sound more bored. Van’s sister’s VA also isn’t very good.

All in all, a pretty good first episode that leaves a nice cliffhanger-ish ending to have you chomping at the bit a little to see what’s up with both Zeke and the girl, Fiona.

Next episode, we learn more about the mysterious girl from the pod, Fiona.

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Episode One-Derland – One Outs


Plot: Kojima is an all-star professional cleanup batter who has won many awards for his achievements in baseball. However, one achievement still alludes him – a championship victory.

In an effort to make this year the year that they finally win a championship, Kojima has brought his team to an off-season baseball camp in order to pinpoint their problem areas and address them. When his pitcher, Nakane, injures his finger in practice, he and another member of the team go out to find a replacement pitcher to help Kojima and the team practice.

They find no luck on the streets, but a woman leads them away to a batting cage where a bunch of guys are playing a game called One Outs. In this game, bystanders bet on either the pitcher or the batter. The pitcher wins if he manages to strike out the batter or if their hits land within the infield. The batter wins if they manage to hit one ball in the outfield or further.

Nakane makes a few minor bets for a few rounds, resulting in what he believes to be 4000 yen, slightly less than $40 USD. However, he fails to realize that the bets are in American dollars, meaning that he owes $4000.

Believing that he can beat the pitcher, Toua, that has been up for the entirety of their betting string, Nakane bets that his debts be erased if he can beat him. However, Toua wishes to up the stakes of their bet from $4000 to $40,000. Nakane accepts, but under the pressure of such a high financial gamble and realizing that there’s more to Toua’s skills that meets the eye, fails. They give them everything they have in their pockets, including credit cards, and are forced to leave with the remaining debt over their heads.

The next night, Kojima arrives at the One Outs game to call Toua out in order to erase the remaining debt. However, Toua again wishes to make the bet more interesting since Kojima’s such a professional player. This time the bet is $400,000. Kojima accepts and the game begins.

Breakdown: I hate baseball. And this isn’t just the typical moanings of someone who doesn’t like sports entirely. I really like hockey, and I’m pretty okay with watching football and basketball, I can also watch some UFC/Boxing/Mixed Martial Arts or soccer if I’m in a very specific mood, but baseball is just bleh to me. It’s boring on top of boring slathered in boring and goes on for so long you have to think some of the players believe they’re stuck in baseball purgatory. You could not pay me to sit through a game of baseball unless I’m allowed to sleep through the whole thing.

With that out of the way, the baseball aspect of this first episode really is the most trying for me. Especially considering that I didn’t get half of the terms. Luckily, fansubbers are awesome and add notes for that crap. ~~kisses2fansubbers~~

Other than that, though, it’s an interesting enough sports anime. Our main character is incredibly passionate about baseball to the point where he even states that it’s sacred to him. You can definitely tell that even those who don’t outwardly appear as passionate about the game as Kojima are still immersed in it fully……I can’t relate, but I still understand.

It’s so weird how I can relate to and understand a show where the main focus is a game based on poetry that I’ve never heard of or played better than one based on America’s past time…

Toua is interesting. He’s a bit too good to the point that it worries me. By all means, the characters point out how weak his pitches are, yet no one can get a hit off of him. Plus, he’s one of those quiet yet obviously cocky types that irk you the wrong way.

Nakane’s a moron. He means well in trying to find a replacement pitcher, but putting all those bets down on the batter because ‘he has to win eventually’ and not clarifying if the bets were in yen or dollars when a lot of the players at the game are seemingly American? Come on.

Also, he’s not really dumb for taking on Toua despite seeing him win all those times since he states that he was a cleanup batter on his high school team, but he’s still a pitcher, meaning his batting game has to be rusty, and he’s seen how good Toua is.

One thing that bothered me a bit was the narrator. He’s one of those busybody narrators who cuts into the story to tell us stuff like backstory, primary goals of the plot, what’s going on in a montage, recapping stuff we just saw etc. Guys, it’s show don’t tell. Even if it’s not one of the characters doing this, it’s really annoying. He pops up all the time and won’t shut up. It really breaks up the flow of the episode.

The story is not all that great so far. Big time star is training to win a championship and needs a replacement player with an incredible one found just around the corner mixed with a plot where characters are swindled out of money and need the main character to clean up their mess (well, I guess he is the cleanup batter.) The only seriously interesting part is wondering whether Kojima can beat Toua, but since the episode ends before the game even starts, the rug gets pulled out from under you there.

The art and animation, done by Madhouse, are….okay. Most of the character art is good, if not somewhat ugly. Toua’s hair is cool, but his eyes are freaky and his body is almost grotesquely detailed and skinny. That part in the OP where you see him nearly naked is more worrying than attractive. Why he’s nearly naked in the opening, I do not know. I’m almost certain you usually wear clothes in baseball.

The animation is alright, but I don’t believe it’s some of Madhouse’s better works.

The music is fantastic, with particular notes to the awesome OP done by Pay Money to my Pain.



This was nearly an ‘undecided’ but I think the characters could be strong enough to support this show even in spite of the baseball snoozefest. Despite not liking baseball, I do have a soft spot for sports anime.

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Wanderful Days (Manga) Review


Plot: Akira is a scary looking kid that everyone takes as a devil or delinquent. He’s earned the nickname of The Rabid Dog Fujishima, though he’s not nearly as bad as everyone makes him out to be. While he is a bit rough around the edges, he has a great love of dogs and is actually quite kind. One day, Akira saves a dog from being hit by a car. Sadly, he dies in the process, but his soul is inserted into the body of the dog he saved. He gets adopted by a kind girl named Hinata who takes him in and names him, coincidentally enough, Akira. As he tries to adapt to life as a dog, he discovers that Hinata is one of the few people who actually shows legitimate caring for him; both before and after he died.

Breakdown: On the surface, this looks like a really silly manga. And, yeah, the premise is a bit of a hurdle to get over, but it’s, surprisingly, a pretty good one-shot. You really feel for Akira’s plight even if they play up all sorts of the obviously awkward aspects of being a dog, even some that are played up pretty much just for awkwardness based on the fact that he’s actually a teenage boy. For instance, she bathes with him and sleeps with him, and even lets him, accidentally, put his face in her naked crotch.

Akira was just born with a really ‘evil’ looking face. Even as a baby he was feared by people, including his parents. Because of this, he didn’t have any real friends and no close relationships. He was challenged by all sorts of thugs and earned a reputation due to his fighting back and kicking ass.

Hinata’s a very kindhearted and slightly airheaded girl. Her parents died sometime ago, and she lives alone, though she doesn’t seem to take care of herself very well since her room’s a pigsty and she constantly forgets to lock the door.

When the people at Akira’s school learn that Akira died, they all either don’t care or rejoice since they viewed him as a devil. The only one to cry or even show any sadness over Akira’s death is Hinata. We learn that Hinata actually knew Akira through one chance meeting when they were a couple years younger. She was crying and injured for some reason, and Akira, also visibly wounded, probably due to a fight, stopped and tried to cheer her up and tend to her wounds.

In a pretty touching scene back in the present as Hinata mourns Akira’s death, Akira tries to cheer up Hinata in the way most dogs would – he licks her face. But not in a creepy way. It’s touching because it’s just sad all around. Absolutely no one but Hinata cares that Akira died despite the fact that he wasn’t even a bad guy – he just looked scary and had fights forced upon him. If anyone would need cheering up after that, it would be Akira, but all he cares about is Hinata’s feelings and treasuring that, despite only meeting her for a second, she was able to see him for who he was and mourn his death.

They remain as a happy family until one of Hinata’s creepy classmates comes into Hinata’s apartment uninvited. When he believes she liked Akira and not him, he attacks her with a box cutter. Akira protects her and nearly gets stabbed, but Hinata protects him and gets cut in the process. Akira then goes crazy and knocks the boy out of the apartment and into a tree.

With the threat gone, Hinata points out just how similar he is to Akira and proudly enforces the honor of the name of her lost friend Akira. With a bark (wan; the Japanese sound for a dog bark, hence the pun title WANderful Days.) he gladly accepts his ‘new’ moniker and place as Hinata’s loyal dog.

Some people pointed out that it might’ve been better if he turned back into a person in the end or if Hinata died and became a female dog to be with him forever, but I’m actually pretty okay with how this ended. Technically, the first option would’ve been fine because the soul of the original dog is still around. He’s actually the weakest part of the manga because he basically just instructs Akira to act like a dog and do perverted things. If she wanted to keep the dog and have Akira back, it could’ve happened, but time would’ve needed to reverse or something because you can’t just say he’s dead and have him get better……Then again, dying and becoming a dog isn’t any less believable.

The second option just seems terrible to me. It’s a bit predictable, and I don’t want Hinata to die just to become a dog and have a dog-mance with Akira. In the end, while romance was a factor a little, all Akira wanted was a true family and someone to really care for him. All Hinata wanted was a family and someone to love. In the end, they both got that. The only thing that really bothers me is that…..Akira’s time on earth is still pretty limited. He’s a dog, and seemingly a somewhat old-ish dog at that. Chihuahuas have decent life spans, but they’re still nothing compared to how long Hinata will probably live.

Then again, I guess we’re not meant to think that far ahead and just live in the now. Akira and Hinata are happy and together, and that’s all that matters.

The art is nothing too special, and it’s done in fairly typical shoujo style, but it’s pretty good.

In the end, this is a pretty good one-shot that I’d gladly suggest to anyone looking for a touching tale of friendship/kinda romance. If you can swallow the slightly off-color premise, then you’re pretty much golden.

Additional Information and Notes: Wanderful Days was written and illustrated by Sakura Roku. It was serialized in Gangan Online.

Volumes: 1

Year: 2010

Recommended Audience: There are some panty shots and censored genital shots. Moderate violence and scary situations. 10+

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Pokemon Extravaganza! Movie 01 (Dub) – Mewtwo Strikes Back Review


Plot: DNA has been taken from the legendary Pokemon, Mew, to make a clone called Mewtwo, supposedly the most powerful Pokemon in existence. Giovanni, leader of Team Rocket, orchestrated the creation of Mewtwo and wished to control him in order to take over the world.

After being betrayed by Giovanni, Mewtwo decided he had more pressing matters to attend to besides the whims of a human. He wanted a purpose. He wanted to know why he existed. More importantly, he wanted to destroy the world. He wanted to rid the world of humans and Pokemon alike, leaving a world of only superior clones.

Ash, Misty and Brock get caught up in Mewtwo’s scheme along with several other Trainers who assumed Mewtwo was challenging them as the greatest Pokemon Master. Can anyone stop Mewtwo?

Breakdown: This is one of those things that is really a nostalgia bomb for me. This was the first movie I ever saw in theaters with a friend instead of my parents, and this was right at the peak of Pokemon for me. The release for the movie was insane whereas now the movies can’t even seem to get theatrical releases anymore, at least around where I live. And I loved it so much that I’d watch it over and over.

…..Now that I’m an adult, who still likes to watch and play Pokemon but sees it with a more critical eye, I……don’t like this movie as much as I used to.

4Kids, despite advertising this movie like it was a cure for cancer, made several mistakes in the script and changed it severely from its original version, which I will review after this.

That aside, on its own, it’s very preachy, hypocritical and fairly cliché. At the very least, it gave us a tiny bit of insight into Giovanni, but look where that lead us. Nowhere, to the best of my knowledge. He does nothing, and he’s much more interesting and compelling in the manga and games than he ever was in the anime.

That’s not to say there’s nothing to enjoy here, because there is, but I have a lot more problems with it than I had as a kid and my love of the movie has definitely waned.

You can find Dogasu’s Sub/Dub comparison of the movie here.


Our movie starts out underwater where our narrator is getting all existential on us by wondering about the meaning of life and the mysteries surrounding our existence. We’re also following a Mew flying through the sky as the narration goes on. Throughout the narration, we hear Mewtwo whispering stuff like “Who am I? What am I?” before the narrator segues into our story and a new scene.

Enter Mewtwo….’s eye, as we see him staring through a tube filled with citrus Crystal Light at several scientists. He thinks to himself that what he is seeing right now is not the same place he was in before and that he believes he might’ve been dreaming. Is Mewtwo insinuating that he remembers being a Mew or that he has the same memories as the Mew that he was cloned from?……I’m no scientist but I don’t think that’s possible.

Mewtwo breaks out of his tube and one of the scientists starts explaining the backstory of Mewtwo. He’s the clone of the legendary Mew, but he has also been genetically restructured to be even more powerful than Mew – the strongest Pokemon in existence. Mewtwo doesn’t much care for this and I can’t say I blame him. If I was created with giant balls on my fingers I’d be pretty pissed too.


In his rage, he starts breaking everything in the lab with his psychic powers. I will never understand situations like this.

Scientist: “We’re going to create the most powerful being ever! Muahahaha!”

Scientist 2: “YES! How shall we contain it?”

Scientist: “A glass tube!”

Scientist 2: “….Uh….anything stronger?”

Scientist: “Weak metal robot arms!”

Scientist 2: “….Anything….else?”

Scientist: “Nope!”

Scientist 2: “Won’t it break out then?”

Scientist: “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over all the world I’ll be dominating!”

I’m actually somewhat surprised 4Kids didn’t try to skirt the very obvious fact that those scientists all died in there. They never say it, but they couldn’t have survived that and you never see them again.


Mewtwo gloats about how powerful he is. Lines like this really contradict the fact that the story’s supposed to make us empathize with Mewtwo to an extent. “I’m just a clone? A shadow of Mew?…….I AM THE MOST POWERFUL POKEMON IN THE WORLD!!!!………but why am I here? :(“

Giovanni shows up with an offer for Mewtwo. He tells him that his powers are out of control, and he has a way to focus his powers to help him take over the world. This plot line comes out of nowhere. I mean, we know why Giovanni wants to take over the world…………..he’s…..evil? But why does Mewtwo want to do that all of a sudden? Because some scientists treated him like a science experiment and he wants to find his purpose?

Giovanni outfits him with some weird armor that is supposed to help Mewtwo focus his powers, and he puts it to the test in the Viridian Gym. Mewtwo slams an opponent’s Onix into a wall and Mewtwo says “Sooo, this is my power!”…..Yes, Mewtwo, that’s your grand focused power….putting an Onix through a wall. You’ve finally found your purpose.

You blew up an island earlier without breaking a sweat, why are you impressed with yourself here?

I guess Onix-Throwing isn’t a big sport as he moves on to Tauros wrangling next. We see a montage of other battles in the Gym after that with Mewtwo battling an Alakazam and a Magneton. However, most fans will note that part of that montage is Mewtwo’s battle with Gary and his Arcanine and Nidoking that was seen in the regular series. I think that’s a rare occasion where the series poked at one of the movies.


Despite having fun making other Pokemon float in the air, Mewtwo still feels unfulfilled in life as he desperately wants to know his purpose.

Giovanni, ever so smart, responds to Mewtwo’s queries about his purpose by saying his purpose is to serve him, and that all Pokemon are meant to serve humans – not be their equals.

In response to this betrayal and his arrogant words of stupid, Mewtwo breaks free of his bonds. Again, nothing in place to prevent this? Nothing at all? Just hope the all-powerful Pokemon with a temper will obey you without question even after you basically call him a slave?

Mewtwo blows up the place and leaves, showing us yet another shot that was included in the series.

Mewtwo flies back to the island where he was created because….Good memories there, right? He’s still moping about his purpose and then states that he’ll mow down humans and Pokemon if they choose to oppose him. He basically states straight out that he’s going to take over the world.

4Kids breaks out the CGI and we get our title screen…Ten minutes into the movie. Dang.

We cut to a meadow where we see everyone’s favorite main Pokemon protagonist, Ash, along with Misty and Brock who are preparing for lunch….They also have a huge table and a parasol for some reason. How are they carrying that with them? I would say this is a set picnic spot, but it’s in the middle of nowhere.

Ash is lazing about because he’s hungry when another Trainer with a skull and crossbones bandana walks up to them. He asks if they know a Trainer named Ash from Pallet Town since he wants a battle.

…..Who is this guy? How does he know who Ash is? How did he know he’d be in this meadow? Is he just wandering around random places wondering where Ash is? I wouldn’t be so curious if not for the fact that he pops out of nowhere and leaves just as suddenly with no explanation as to anything about him, not even his name.

Ash points out that he’s….er Ash, and they have a battle as the remixed theme plays. I like the remixed theme, but it’s not as good as the original in my opinion. Ash calls out Bulbasaur first while the opponent calls out a Donphan, but Bulbasaur blasts him away with a Solar Beam that took way too short of a time to charge. Ash then praises Bulbasaur as we see that he’s being monitored by cameras.

This next part confused me as a kid and I never figured out what the cause of this was until I got older. Actually I still don’t understand what the cause of it is, but I understand what is actually occurring in this scene a little better. When Ash’s opponent calls out his next Pokemon, Machamp, the scene of Machamp emerging and flexing his muscles is shown twice. Not only that, but we see Ash call out Squirtle without throwing his Pokeball. What happened?

According to Dogasu’s comparison, the original footage plays perfectly fine – it’s the dub that is edited funny. They repeated the footage of Machamp emerging and flexing to seemingly lengthen the battle, maybe to match the new theme, yet cut the shot of Ash throwing Squirtle’s Pokeball to shorten the scene. The edited version is the exact same length as the original. Basically, they purposely made this scene look like it was edited with a chainsaw for no reason whatsoever.

Sense: Not produced by 4Kids.

It’s Squirtle vs. Machamp now and Squirtle easily beats Machamp with one Bubble attack…..Wow….You fail, Machamp.


You don’t even have a weakness to Water. Go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

The opponent then decides to cheat (but Ash doesn’t call him out on it for some reason) by releasing three Pokemon in battle at once; a Venomoth, a Pinsir and a Golem. Not fazed by this at all, Ash lets Pikachu give one good Thundershock and it instantly KO’s all three because Pikachu can just do that okay?

Also, if you’re going to have a scene where Pikachu one-hits three Pokemon at once, why make one of them a Golem?….The Pokemon that…ya know….shouldn’t even feel Electric attacks?

Misty: “Well that sure was a shocking ending.” Someone do me a favor and find out just how many times 4Kids has made a ‘shocking’ pun over the course of the entire series. The number has to be staggering.

Cut to Jessie, James and Meowth who are watching the group with binoculars and talking about how jealous they are of the others eating a big meal while they’re starving.

James: “There’s another credit on Pikachu’s charge account.” Scratch the previous request – just check for any electricity related puns.

I should also note that Ash is feeding Squirtle and Bulbasaur here, but he’s not feeding Pidgeotto or Charizard. All Pokemon must earn their meals through combat!


We cut to the camera again which is now seen attached to a Fearow’s neck as it flies around. Back at Mewtwo’s redesigned island of doom, a Nurse Joy, under the control of Mewtwo, asks if she should send an invitation to them as well. I guess winning a battle like that without breaking a sweat when, logically, it should’ve been much more difficult, and managing to defy the laws of Pokemon type in that last match are pretty impressive feats.

Mewtwo sends out his messenger Dragonite to give a letter to Ash and…this never occurred to me before now, but why exactly aren’t Ash and the others amazed by this? The only exposure they’ve had to Dragonite before now has been in the episode with Bill where it was only seen in shadow as a giant and was touted as one of the rarest Pokemon ever seeing as how they had no real information on it at that time. They see one face to face playing messenger boy and they don’t bat an eyelash?

Anyway, Ash gets a card that reveals a hologram inviting him to Mewtwo’s New Island claiming that it’s a challenge from the world’s strongest Pokemon Trainer (And he’s called the world’s greatest Pokemon ‘Master’ throughout the film.)

Ash can’t wait to accept the invitation and immediately sends off his response. Dragonite starts to fly back to New Island when Team Rocket stops him with a frying pan. Well surely they’re impressed by the Dragonite and want to capture—nope, they pay it no mind. Oh well!


The acceptance card falls out of Dragonite’s bag and Team Rocket wonders what it’s saying ‘yes’ to. I suppose sometime afterward they also discovered the hologram card because there’s no real way they could’ve known what was going on the next time that we see them unless they did.

Meanwhile back in Mewtwo’s lair….

Mewtwo is stirring up a storm with his psychic powers while we see Mew waking up in a bubble underwater. Sensing the disturbance in the force, Mew goes off towards New Island.

While that’s going on, Mewtwo’s storm has reached the coast, and it’s a doozy. So much of a doozy, in fact, that the ferry that was supposed to take this big group of Trainers selected by Mewtwo to New Island has been canceled.

The island ferry manager or whoever she is, explains that this is the worst storm she’s seen in a long time. She tells the tale of how a similar storm that once wiped out nearly all Pokemon. The tears of the Pokemon that remained brought the other Pokemon back to life and created the perfect opportunity for Midnight Sons to get a deal on the soundtrack.

Some of the Trainers don’t give a crap about deadly weather or old legends, so a handful of them head off on their Pokemon. One of them sets off on his Gyarados and claims all of his Pokemon are Water-type, something I will nitpick later. Officer Jenny says that’s an awful idea, especially since the local Nurse Joy has been missing for a month and it’s caused the Pokemon Center to be completely closed down all month?!

Okay, I understand that somehow one Nurse Joy can handle an entire Pokemon Center, especially if the area’s rather low in population, but there’s no Chansey to pick up some slack? There’s no other Nurse Joy that could fill in? A nearby Pokemon doctor? A temp? Intern? Anything? You’d think there’d be something in place for situations like this.

Brock can tell that the Nurse Joy in the ‘missing’ poster (the one that would be entirely useless to anyone but the sharp-eyed horn dog, Brock) looks familiar, alluding to the woman in the hologram letter.


Everyone’s off to New Island, and Officer Jenny says she’s going arrest them if they actually leave….Arrest them for what? Being headstrong and stupid? Because Ash should have a life sentence by now if that’s illegal.

Ash and the others want to follow suit, but since they have no Pokemon who are strong enough to give them a ride, they’re forced to give up. That is, however, until two vikings in a small row boat offer them a ride.

Spoilers: it’s Team Rocket.

I have no clue why Team Rocket believes they have the boating skills to make it through this storm in a ROW BOAT, especially to a location they’ve never been to, but this is Team Rocket not intelligent people. You’d think, with all the insane robots and contraptions that they’ve had that a larger boat or plane or something wouldn’t be out of their budget.

Brock: “I didn’t know Viking’s still existed!”

Ash: “They mostly live in Minnesota!”

Fun fact: Never understood this joke at all until I read Bulbagarden’s comparison of the movie where they explain that it’s a poke at the Minnesota Vikings, which, according to my research, is a team that plays the sport known as ‘football’.

I love how 4Kids is gung ho about pandering to what they think their main audience is (dumb kids who can’t/don’t read and believe Japan doesn’t exist/is evil) but they throw in a random sports joke. I know some kids are into sports, but the audience for Pokemon is very mixed. How many people got that joke, and for those that did, is it funny to you? Just seems so random.

A giant wave crashes over the boat and knocks off Team Rocket’s disguises…..which, by that logic, shouldn’t all of them have lost their regular clothes? They discover that it’s Team Rocket, but no time for the motto because another wave smacks into the boat and knocks them all into the water.


Misty calls out Staryu, and she manages to save Brock, who’s just flailing around since he has no Water types, and they soon reunite with Ash who is riding on Squirtle.

It’s rough going for a while, but they manage to make it to the eye of the storm which just happens to be Mewtwo’s island.

Nurse Joy meets them at the dock, and Ash presents his invitation as proof to enter…..Wait, that means Team Rocket couldn’t have possibly seen the hologram letter…..Then how’d they know about all this?

Brock says he recognizes her as the missing Nurse Joy, but she denies this before welcoming them into the castle.

But wait a minute, what happened to Team Rocket? Well, they beat the odds too by using Weezing, since it’s the only Pokemon they have that can do anything in water. Not sure how it propelled itself through the water, but it does float well, I’d imagine.

And then….I’m sorry. This scene is just so incredibly adorable. Mew arrives at Mewtwo’s island and takes a minute to play around on the windmills. It’s so cute and it’s easily my favorite scene in the movie. :3

Cut back to within the castle where Ash, Misty and Brock meet the other three Trainers who made it to the island…..Guess the others died or something.

There’s little point in having these Trainers here besides adding more Pokemon to the mix to be captured later and to complete the starter trifecta. If this were a horror movie, they’d be those characters put in the story just to up the body count. I don’t even think they get names, to be honest. At least not in the dub. If they do, they’re never spoken. There’s some guy in a blue shirt, some guy in an orange jacket and some girl wearing girl clothes.

The only notable trait any of them has is the fact that the guy in the blue shirt has nothing but Water Pokemon, as he mentioned previously. But, as we can clearly see:


That’s wrong because one of his Pokemon is a Nidoqueen, a Poison/Ground type. This is a dub-only line, I believe, though. One of many mistakes 4Kids makes during the production.

That reminds me:

Dub Mistake Counter: 3 (Counting the edit with Machamp and the one with Squirtle in the opening and now the all-Water-type claim.)

But don’t get too comfy–

Dub Mistake Counter: 4 (When introducing himself, the guy in the orange jacket calls his Pidgeot a Pidgeotto, which is an insanely dumb mistake considering Ash has a Pidgeotto and that’s very obviously not a Pidgeotto.)

Nurse Joy tells them to let all of their Pokemon out of their Pokeballs and wait for her ‘master’ to arrive to explain the details. Dunno why they all did it. They’re here to battle. Wouldn’t any of them think that maybe showing all of your Pokemon to the guy you’re battling might be a little…not smart? None of them ask why they have to do this either.

And while the other Trainers do let out all of their Pokemon, Ash only has Pikachu, Squirtle and Bulbasaur out while Brock lets out Vulpix and Misty lets out Psyduck.

First of all, why didn’t Ash let out Pidgeotto? It truly annoys me to no end how little he seems to care about Pidgeotto. I’d understand not letting Charizard out, it doesn’t obey him and would only cause trouble, but why not Pidgeotto?

Second, why did Brock only let out Vulpix? Despite not being kept out of its Pokeball like Togepi or Pikachu, it is very obviously Brock’s most beloved Pokemon, but why only Vulpix? Onix might be a bit big but he also has Zubat and Geodude.

Third, why did Misty let out Psyduck? She doesn’t like Psyduck and gets annoyed whenever it lets itself out. Why not Staryu or Goldeen? There’s a pool ready for Goldeen.

Fourth, why are Brock and Misty even letting out their Pokemon at all? They weren’t invited to this shindig.

Fifth, still don’t understand why they need to do this period.

Voice: “Because Mewtwo wants to steal the Pokemon and make clones from them.”

Good point, voice. Except it’s shown later that it doesn’t matter if the Pokemon are in their Pokeballs or not. He can capture Pokeballs just as easily as free Pokemon. It kinda makes this entire thing moot except to show the Pokemon that will eventually be fighting their clones later.

Mewtwo reveals himself to the group and everyone’s confused as to how a Pokemon can call itself a Pokemon Master. Blue shirt calls him out on it, but Mewtwo tells him to be quiet. He uses his psychic abilities to lift him up into the air and throws him into the pool where his Pokemon are. Because if movies have taught me anything, you can survive any fall as long as it’s into water.


Blue shirt is angered by this and sends his Gyarados to attack Mewtwo with a Hyper Beam, but Mewtwo just swats it away and back at Gyarados, instantly knocking it out into the pool.

Mewtwo releases Nurse Joy from his psychic control and explains that he essentially kidnapped her and took control of her to make use of her knowledge of Pokemon physiology. He also explains that he erased her memories of everything that’s happened since I guess he took her, but I have no idea why. Why would he care? Does it matter? She’s supposedly going to be fish food in a few minutes along with all humans and Pokemon, so why bother?

Cut to Team Rocket who has made their way through the innards of the castle and discover Mewtwo’s cloning lab with a cloned Blastoise, Venusaur and Charizard in cloning tubes. Jessie accidentally activates the machine by sitting on it, and it quickly grabs Meowth for a DNA sample.

We see a projection of Meowth’s tail fur which is being used to create a Meowth clone. As a shadowed picture of Meowth appears on the screen, Jessie and James say this:

James: “Who’s that Pokemon?”

Jessie: “It’s Meowth!”


Also, I find it so funny that they’re choosing to bring up “Who’s that Pokemon?” in a movie where they make three Pokemon misidentifications. One of them being with this very projection screen. (Though I am aware now that this was loyally adapted from the Japanese version so I can’t really complain too much, I just find a lot of irony in the dub here.)


Soon after, a cloned Meowth appears in one of the tubes. Wow, Mewtwo really is impressive. He not only perfected the cloning process that the scientists started, he made it so that it takes less time to make a clone than it does to cook ramen!

A video activates…for some reason (No button was pushed or anything), and it’s the main scientist guy from before telling us that they were contracted out by Giovanni to clone Mew and make the world’s strongest Pokemon, Mewtwo. However, he went out of control with anger and started destroying the laboratory.

…..What is the point of this video? Why did he start recording right as Mewtwo started blowing everything up? It’s not like he’s saying anything particularly important or useful in combating Mewtwo, just that they were the ones who created him, Giovanni was behind it and Mewtwo’s a clone of Mew. Also, how is there fittingly edited clips over this narration? Did the main scientist guy do some quick editing to provide proper visuals for this before his face was disintegrated by Mewtwo? Also, if this is purely for record/history purposes, anyone would think that this record would also be destroyed if Mewtwo destroyed the lab. It didn’t, somehow, but any logical person would think that.

This just seems pointless. We know this already, there’s no point in telling it to Team Rocket since this information doesn’t prompt them to do anything about it. They never tell anyone else either, if there’s even a reason to tell anyone else.

Back upstairs, Mewtwo explains his plan of wanting to wipe out both humans and Pokemon alike with his storm. Humans for being dangerous creatures unfit to rule the world and Pokemon for willingly being their servants.

Pikachu defies Mewtwo’s claim by stating that he’s Ash’s friend not his slave, which prompts Mewtwo to send him flying only to be caught by Ash.


Orange Jacket Guy gets fed up and tries to capture Mewtwo by battling him with his Rhyhorn. Right, because if a Hyper Beam by a trained Gyarados was easily swatted away like a fly, I’m sure your Rhyhorn charging headfirst at him will surely result in victory.

It doesn’t, obviously, as Rhyhorn gets thrown into the table. Ash challenges Mewtwo to a real Pokemon battle and Mewtwo accepts. He uses his psychic powers to activate the cloning tubes and wake up Blastoise, Venusaur and Charizard. Don’t really know why the clones have dark markings on their bodies. It’s probably so people could better tell them apart, but most of the other clones later have no discerning marks.

Also, there’s an animation error. Blastoise’s jaw is usually tan, but in one shot it’s blue.


Doesn’t affect anything, but I thought it was funny.

Mewtwo then reveals that he has an entire stadium set up outside.

Brock: “A stadium! Mewtwo planned this all along!”

Oh my – really!? You mean the one who invited you all to the island to have a Pokemon battle was planning to have a Pokemon battle this whole time!? WHAT A TWIST!!

I should mention that only two of the extra Trainers here can even participate in this battle since they’re using the starter final evos and the guy in the blue shirt has no starter final evo Pokemon.

Orange Jacket introduces his Venusaur, BruteRoot, while Girl introduces her Blastoise, Shellshocker. You just don’t see many Pokemon have nicknames in the series, really. The only prominent example I can think of is Richie and the random CotD. Which is really odd when you think about it. You’d think nicknames would be more common, but apparently most people are content calling their Pokemon by their species name.

Ash has the Charizard (Oh God, no.) so he lets him out of his Pokeball. Gee, wonder if he’ll behav—nope. He instantly Flamethrowers Mewtwo in the face, but the fire is blocked by Mewtwo’s psychic powers.


Mewtwo: “Your Charizard is poorly trained.” Said everyone always.

The battle has started, and BruteRoot’s up first. Now that I’m seeing Orange Jacket’s clothes in full frame, they’re actually pretty cool. Nice design, and his Pokeballs attach to his pant legs….And that was your Pokemon Fashion Moment, girlfriiieeennnndd! ❤


He starts off with a Razor Leaf attack, but all of the leaves are swatted away by Cloneasaur’s Vine Whip in what is actually a really cool shot. Afterward, Cloneasaur grabs BruteRoot with the vines and throws it across the stadium.

Next up is ShellShocker, who tries a Hydro Pump, but Blastclone uses Rapid Spin, instantly plowing though the Hydro Pump and smacking ShellShocker into the wall.

Misty tells Ash to forfeit (Like he has a choice at this point), but Ash won’t give up. Oddly, Charizard seems to be actually obedient in this one instance as he follows Ash’s guidance to use speed instead of power and even waits until his command to fly off into battle. Maybe Charizard understands the gravity of the situation? Hm.

It’s a battle in the sky now, but Cloneizard is too fast for Charizard. He Seismic Tosses Charizard into ground for an instant KO.

I’m kinda wondering…what the point of all this is….Does Mewtwo just wanna show off? Why did he really invite these Trainers here? I know he wanted their Pokemon, but he was doing just fine getting Pokemon on his own. That’s how he got Charizard, Blastoise and Venusaur.

It’s not like he’s particularly concerned with getting the best trained Pokemon since he sees all non-clones as weak and it summoned ASH of all people there. I’d try to lure the Elite Four or at least some Gym Leaders if I wanted that.

Hell, he actually had two Gym Leaders right beside one of the Trainers that he invited. At least give some actual reason like “I’ll destroy the world unless you find some way to beat me or at least hit me.” These battles and inviting these Trainers to the island just seems to be a little pointless to me.

Oh and also, how does Mewtwo hope to kill off the Water Pokemon?….Doubt they’d die from….ya know….water.


Anyway, as prize for winning, even though he doesn’t need to earn it, he uses special floating black Pokeballs to capture everyone’s Pokemon. Even Blue Shirt’s, despite the fact that he never ‘formally’ battled Mewtwo. He states that he’s going to use their DNA to make clones, and keep the clones safe on the island with him as humans and Pokemon get eliminated by the storm.

All of the Pokemon are getting captured, even when Ash tries to put them back into their Pokeballs (see?). Only one remains; Pikachu. So what does he do? Climbs the giant spiral ramp thing up and up and up. Pikachu, have you never seen a horror movie before? Never go upstairs, that just traps you!

Why does this ramp thing even exist anyway? Decoration? Mewtwo doesn’t need it; he uses psychic abilities. Okay I’m getting too nitpicky here.

Pikachu tries to fend off the Pokeballs with his electric attacks and, surprisingly, it seems to work somewhat, but more and more keep coming after him as Ash gives chase.

Pikachu’s getting exhausted, and he falls off the ramp. Ash jumps after him, but a Pokeball snags him. Oh no, that means Ash will die from this like 15 story fall. If only there were some randomly placed tiny pool of shallow water beneath him. Oh there is! Yay! Thanks movie magic!


Ash chases Pikachu’s Pokeball into the chute thing.


Yeah, you can keep my Bulbasaur, Squirtle and Charizard! But don’t you dare take my favorite of favorites, Pikachu!

Back downstairs, the cloning machine is analyzing the DNA of the newly captured Pokemon.

Jessie and James: “There goes…Alakazam!”

Dub Mistake Counter: 5 (The Pokemon displayed on screen looks nothing like Alakazam, and there wasn’t even an Alakazam in the room. There was an Alakazam seen for one short shot earlier, but that was way in the beginning of the movie. The Pokemon is actually Scyther.)

Meowth: (As the clones are entering the tubes) “Sandshrew…”

Dub Mistake Counter: 6 (The Pokemon in the tube is curled up in a ball and that’s the only reason I give 4Kids some leeway for this mistake. It’s actually Sandslash.)

I just don’t get it. I really don’t. 4Kids is a company that does not care about their audience at all. They don’t care about their shows, they don’t care about making good dubs – they only care about money. Why, then, would 4Kids take its baby, one of the first shows it ever dubbed and arguably the best and most popular one they ever dubbed, get a damn movie deal for it, one that was advertised heavily and got a huge theatrical release, and then drop the ball so much?

One mistake? Sure. Editing flub? Happens. Two editing flubs back to back? Ehh. Mistaking a Pokemon for being one type because of color? Racis—I mean accidents happen and most of his Pokemon were Water-types. Three Pokemon misidentifications in one movie? After how long 4Kids had been dubbing the show at this point? That’s just appallingly bad. Did they think no one would notice? I noticed all of these when I was a kid. I know 4Kids thinks their audience is about as smart as my toilet, but come on.


Ash is fighting fiercely to free Pikachu from the machine and causes a meltdown in the lab because of it. Apparently breaking a few robot arms causes a bunch of stuff to blow up.

He succeeds, and is reunited with everyone’s favorite rat. As the lab is going berserk, the clones start emerging in droves while the original Pokemon get released due to the explosions that, logically, shouldn’t be happening. Conveniently, Bulbasaur and Squirtle get released right by Ash and they have a happy reunion. But no time for all that, Mewtwo’s gotta be stopped!

Back upstairs, Mewtwo and the others are….having a staring contest I guess. The clones emerge and side with Mewtwo as he states that his goal is drawing near. Oh dear, who could possibly save us now?!

Fear not, Ash is here! Complete with declarations from a cloud of smoke and slowly walking towards the enemy with an army behind him. He even has marching music behind him. Hey, he just survived a lab explosion technically. Maybe he got super powers!


He did! He got the power of super-psychic-cutting strength as he turns his hat around and dashes towards Mewtwo with breakneck speed! Fist clenched and ready to beat the threat before him, Ash bravely…gets his ass handed to him with no effort on Mewtwo’s part….Whoo!

He’s thrown by Mewtwo into the stone…roof? Whatever those are. But a strange giant pink bubble catches him. It’s Mew!

Mew starts playing around, but Mewtwo realizes what it is and starts attacking it. However, Mew easily dodges all of Mewtwo’s attacks and even thinks it to be a game.

Mewtwo: “Mew…So finally we meet.”

Blue Shirt: “Mew?”

Mew: “Mew?”

I love Mew. It doesn’t speak and is playing around for most of the movie, but it’s always making me laugh and smile.

Mewtwo explains how it was cloned from Mew, which allows the others to get up to speed, then Mewtwo challenges Mew to battle to prove which one is truly the strongest.

When you see the two side by side, it really does show how much Mewtwo improved the cloning process. Mewtwo really looks nothing like Mew. Mew’s so small whereas Mewtwo’s at least like five feet tall. Mew’s light pink, Mewtwo’s purple. And their designs, barring their heads and maybe tails are completely different. I know Mewtwo was made to be ‘better’ than Mew, but Mewtwo also made ‘better’ clones without altering their outer appearance that much.

The battle starts and Mewtwo is constantly throwing attacks at and chasing after Mew while Mew basically refuses to fight back and constantly dodges.

However, Mewtwo snags him with an energy blast and sends him flying into the clouds. Mewtwo looks on with a smirk as everyone else looks on with shock. Mew’s not out of the battle yet as it sends its own energy blast down straight into Mewtwo, smacking him into the bleachers….Dunno why those bleachers are there. He wasn’t planning on having an audience—eh, I’m getting off track again.


Also, again, Mew makes me smile. He sends this powerful ball of energy down and smacks down Mewtwo like he’s nothing then he gently floats down from the clouds like nothing happened. I love you, Mew. ❤

Okay guys, it’s starting. It’s been bearable up until now, but we are turning the corner into PreachyCheeseLand and it’s a long road out. If you have the following conditions:

  • Weak stomach
  • Lactose intolerance
  • Allergy to corn
  • A brain

Please go do something else until the end credits.

Thank you.

Mewtwo repeats the same stuff about how the clones are just better than everyone else because of their super cool powers and Mew makes our first corny speech (translated by Meowth) about how a Pokemon’s worth is not measured by their powers – their real strength comes from the heart.

Mewtwo, angered by this, says his Pokemon don’t need their powers to prove their worth…right before using his powers to try to attack Mew…Yeah, Mewtwo…


Mewtwo decides to start an all-out brawl between the clones and originals to see who is really greater. He blocks their abilities with his psychic powers (even though he and Mew are still using theirs…) and it’s on like their Nintendo brethren, Donkey Kong.

This badassery is brought to you by some hippie song by Blessid Union of Souls. Yes, everyone, we’re at ‘Brother My Brother.’ Believe it or not, I actually fairly liked this segment when I was younger, but cut me some slack, I never paid attention to the lyrics. If you’ve never heard it, ‘Brother My Brother’ is a very corny and preachy song about how violence is bad and love is the answer. This is also the point in the movie where many people call complete BS on the movie’s message, at least from a dub standpoint.

Violence is bad. Don’t fight. Love each other.

….No really, that’s essentially the song lyrics. Look.

“Brother my brother, tell me what are we fighting for? We’ve got to end this war.

We should love one another. Oh can’t we just pretend, this war never began?”

Why is this hypocritical? I doubt anyone who knows of the series in the slightest really even needs to think about it that hard. Pokemon is a series based around fighting. Animals fighting each other for the sake of their masters. Rarely do Pokemon ever get permanently injured or killed because of battles, mostly because it seems like Pokemon Centers are magical, but they still get beaten up badly on a regular basis for sport.

Here’s what this movie is essentially saying. Fighting each other in fist fights is wrong. Let’s all go back to the good ol’ days when we fought each other with razor sharp leaves, beams of solar energy (Which, having recently rewatched Gundam 0079, is especially frightening to me right now), electricity, giant rocks and FIRE. That was much less violent.

And lest we forget that there are tons of Pokemon moves that are physical attacks and not special powers. Tackle, Scratch, Cut, Bite, Slam etc. There’s also a whole type of Pokemon dedicated to fighting like that – FIGHTING TYPES. Which also makes the scene where you see Hitmonlee fighting its clone to be pretty dumb.


Misty and James both contradict this message by basically saying all fighting is wrong later in the movie.

If anything, this whole scene and the following one seem like it’s a really well-made anti-Pokemon cartoon from one of those old groups of parents from the late 90s/early 00s who thought Pokemon was Satanic.

All the Pokemon start fighting along with Mewtwo and Mew who are fighting in glowing Zorbs while Ash tries to get down from wherever he is, I still don’t know. I will admit that this scene isn’t entirely corny as we see Psyduck fighting its clone by slapping its head once, them saying “Psy” in unison, then the other slapping its head and saying “duck” in unison. That was kinda funny.

Pikachu meets its clone who is one of the few who has a small mark to tell them apart – the little spike of black on its ears. It’s raring to fight, but Pikachu doesn’t want to. Instead he allows himself to get his ass kicked without mercy.

The music cuts out and we get slow motion shots of the Pokemon falling over in exhaustion as emotional music plays.

Joy: “Pokemon aren’t meant to fight…” One could make that argument, yes.

“Not like this.” Oh yeah, the….electricity and fire method.

“It’s useless….What can come out of it?”

Girl: “Nothing….but pain.” To be fair, what comes out of regular Pokemon battles? Nothing really. The Trainers get all the glory usually, there’s no money involved (anime-wise anyway) it’s really just battling for bragging rights whether to be the best Trainer or have the most types of Pokemon. There’s really no benefit for the Pokemon unlike Pokemon researching and….I’ll go ahead and say it – Pokemon watching.

*audience gasp*

What? It involves research too!

Brock: “Why can’t Mewtwo understand it’s not right to make Pokemon battle this way?” Poison, paralyzation, freezing, burns….oh yeah, there’s a move called GUILLOTINE!

Misty: “They’re all living creatures….This just proves that fighting is wrong!” Self-Destruct, Horn Drill, ACID, Spikes, Destiny Bond, Seismic Toss, TOXIC Spikes, should I go on?


Cut to Team Rocket where we get more cheesy dialogue.

James: “I was prepared for trouble, but not for this.” James, I want to ask you if you know of the organization that you work for. Team Rocket members are horrible, awful people. In the games and the manga, they’ve done things far FAR worse than making some Pokemon bitchslap each other.

Jessie: “Make that double…for me.”

James: “Now I can see how awful fighting really is!”

Who wrote this dialogue? It is awful. It sounds like someone’s bad attempt at a PSA from the ’50s. Speaking of which, does anyone want some beer? Come on, don’t be a square. Everybody’s doing it. Don’t you want to be hip and happenin’?

Then we get to—Oh no…..No. I will give anything to not watch this scene again….. It stands as one of the corniest and lamest things I’ve ever seen in any show ever. Even as a kid, loving this movie, I hated this scene. ….Ughh….Guess I might as well get it over with.

Meowth sees his clone is also about to challenge him. Meowth bares his claws, as does the clone, but they both stop what they’re doing.

Meowth: “Get this straight, Copycat, You-owth ain’t gonna push Me-owth around!”

Clone: “Meow meow”

Meowth: “You mean…we don’t have to fight with each other? But how can I trust you? You was born different.”


And I do want to mention something about this. In the Bulbagarden comparison of this movie, Dogasu, the creator of the comparisons for Pokemon on that site, says this.

Meowth, on the other hand, develops this sudden prejudice against those who are different that lasts for this scene and this scene only. Which, y’know, is totally in-character for a Pokémon who was rejected by the love of his life because it walks on two legs and is able to speak human language.”

Good point, indeed.

Meowth: “I almost made a clawful mistake” Is practically every word out of Meowth’s mouth a damn pun?

“but how do I know you’re not gonna pull a fast one on me?”

Clone: “Meow meow MEOW!”

Meowth: “You’re right! We do have a lot in common. The same earth, the same air, the same sky.” Right, we all live on the same planet thus we are all trustworthy. Words to live by. Hey, small children of the world! Stranger danger’s a bunch of crap! The only strangers you have to worry about are aliens.

“Maybe if we all started lookin’ at what’s the same instead of what’s different…well, who knows?”

This is the other message that this movie is supposed to have but I can’t really figure it out that much. Is it…like an anti-racism message? A general anti-prejudice message? Or just another way of telling everyone to get along?

Also, if the clone Meowth is supposed to be better than the original, why can’t it talk and why does it act and behave like a regular Meowth? I know cloning doesn’t really work that way, but you can’t tell me with all the stuff that we have to believe in this series and movie that they couldn’t have done that without anyone batting an eye.


Mew and Mewtwo continue battling as do the other Pokemon despite a good chunk of them seemingly giving up during that little montage earlier. Ash is still climbing down the whatchamascrewit and sees Pikachu, the only Pokemon he cares about, still getting his ass kicked by his clone.

Pikachu and Cloneachu start that really funny one-sided bitchslap fight. Then Cloneachu’s heart also grows three sizes that day and starts to cry as he fights.

Ash finally makes it down to the ground and we get more preaching.

Joy: “I’d rather risk my life out in Mewtwo’s storm than watch these Pokemon destroy each other.” Can’t say “kill”. Come on, 4Kids, drive your message home! Break the rules! Be a rebel without a cause….err well, I guess with one.

Brock: “Those Pokemon look like they’re ready to fight to the death!”…..”Fight to the death” “death.

*sigh* Not even going to try to make sense of them anymore. Is there like a limit to how many death references they can make or something?

Misty: “That’s a fight that nobody’s going to win.”

Yeah, yeah, flower power, we are the world. Can we move on?

Ash says the only way to stop this is if the Pokemon themselves take a stand and refuse to fight, just like our messiah, Pikachu.

Just then, Mew and Mewtwo crash into the ground with their energy Zorbs and prepare for a more serious face off with Dragon Ball Z auras that can shoot energy blasts.

They’re stalemated, and Ash takes a look around to see all of the Pokemon in pain and suffering from their battle. Wanting to stop the fighting once and for all, Ash runs out between Mew and Mewtwo and gets caught between their two energy blasts, causing him to turn into stone.


Now, like many fans, I was emotionally shaken by this as a child.

As an adult who is making a hobby out of watching all the old Pokemon episodes and analyzing them with a critical adult eye………FINALLY!! YAY!! HE’S DEAD!! HOOTHOOTHOOTHOOT!

I’m kidding, of course. It still hits me, just not quite as hard. This scene still prompts cry-like feel emotions of humans in my face are, and I definitely still get teary-eyed when Pikachu is trying in vain to shock Ash back.

But we know they’d never actually kill him. And we already alluded to a way to bring living beings back to life before. The Pokemon all start crying that Ash ‘died’ and the power of their tears cures him from his rock form and reunites him with Pikachu.

I would question…..everything right now…..But it’s not like this is ever brought up again in any way, and I admit full out that it’s still tugging at my heartstrings. The music doesn’t help. I think that’s one of the few pieces of 4Kids’ music that actually really had emotional impact with me.


Pft, I never noticed this. All of the Pokemon, even the ones who don’t belong to him or knew him in any way are crying at this. Brock and Misty? Not a drop. Misty looked sad earlier, that’s about it.

Mewtwo, seeing the sacrifice that Ash made for the Pokemon, sees that life is not about how you were born or what you are, it’s about how you choose to live your life. Realizing his mistake, he and Mew psychically take all of the Pokemon clones away from the island to start a new life elsewhere.

In order to ensure this doesn’t screw up continuity, Mewtwo erases everyone’s memories of the events on the island and teleports them back to the wharf.

No one else but Ash is wondering why they don’t remember why they came to the wharf, but whatever. I’d think that’d be a severe sign of mental issues, but I’m no doctor. Nurse Joy is also at the wharf….which creates a bunch of continuity errors, doesn’t it? Nurse Joy was missing for a month before this point in time. Did Mewtwo turn back time or did he alter the memories of everyone else in town and remove the ‘missing’ posters?

They look outside to see that the storm has mysteriously ended quite suddenly, and Ash sees Mew flying through the sky while no one else does.

Ash: “The day I left home from Pallet I thought I saw a really rare Pokemon. And just now, I thought I saw another one.” I believe I get what they were saying, that he saw another rare Pokemon, but it also makes it sound like he’s saying he saw another of that same rare Pokemon. Which it isn’t. The rare Pokemon he saw way back in episode one is Ho-Oh, not Mew.


Ash and the others continue their Pokemon journey as we fade to black and back to Team Rocket who for some reason didn’t get teleported, but did have their minds wiped. *shrug*

They also believe a sudden onslaught of amnesia is perfectly fine since they’re on a nice island.

Meowth: “You know I’d really like to go sailing in one of them Catamarans. Haha!” Yup, every sentence he says is a damn pun.

That’s the end of the movie, but we still have the ending credits. I do actually very much like the soundtrack for the movie, even if they do everything in their power to cram as many songs into the ending credits as possible without giving any of them a full playthrough. Remember, buy the album!

The only song that seems kinda oddly placed is ‘Free Up Your Mind’ mostly because it starts with someone saying “The government!”

Also, ‘Don’t Say You Love Me’ doesn’t really belong in this movie since romance was not a part of anything at all.

The background footage for the end credits is boring, but nice to look at. It’s just Ash and the others walking, visiting some places and camping, but the art and animation make it look nicer than usual.


Art and Animation: In terms of art and animation, they’re better than the TV show, but it’s not a massive change. It’s definitely more polished and crisp, and there are certainly more unique angles added. There were several uses of CGI both by the original art team and 4Kids that kinda clashed with everything. Like, why exactly did the door need to be CGI? Or the windmills? Fairly good use of CGI for 1999 though.

Music: The soundtrack is pretty good in my opinion. Some points have over-the-top music for emotional scenes and heroic scenes, but it’s nothing that bad.

Bottom Line: I just can’t deny the fact that, as much as my nostalgic side is crying right now, this movie is a rampant mess.

I understand that the movie was drastically changed from the original version, and 4Kids dropped so many balls while dubbing this movie. From the awful dialogue to the hypocritical message to the preachiness to the several mistakes that should’ve easily been fixed if there were any sense of quality control. There was the confused motivations for Mewtwo and a bunch of other stuff. Not to mention that this movie ultimately amounts to nothing because their memories were all erased. Down the line, we’ll see Mewtwo again, but that’s way down the line.

The dub isn’t worth much as an actual movie on its own. It holds nostalgic value for many people, myself included, and there are some really good moments both emotionally and action-wise, but nostalgia and some nice action can’t cover this mess entirely.

This is some of 4Kids worst work in the realm of dialogue and storytelling, and I can only praise them for not slapping a whole bunch of digital paint onto this. Not that there’s much to paint anyway, but they find ways. They even left the wharf signs, which have both English and the evil language of JAPANESE on it!

I will give all the props in the world to Mewtwo’s VA, Jay Goede, for doing a fantastic job, but otherwise this movie is mediocre at best, and, at its worst, is a sloppy dub job that 4Kids pumped full of licensed songs and ridiculous easily fixable mistakes. I can’t fault them entirely for the cheesy and somewhat hypoocritical messages, because they were still present in the original version, albeit toned down a bit, so they get a bit of a pass there, but since this review is largely about this movie works as a standalone and as a dub, I still have to ding it because, while the messages can still stay, they don’t have to be nearly as nauseatingly cheesy about it.

This dub is much more mutilated than many people realize. You can find out exactly how and why in my review of the Japanese version of this movie here.

Recommended Audience: 4Kids….

Edit 3/14/22: I have cleaned up this review in regards to wording, structure and some unfair statements. Ultimately, my viewpoint remained the same, but I will eat some crow and slightly agree with the lone commenter below and say, as I said in the Bottom Line, at very best, this movie is mediocre. I no longer use ratings and am eliminating them from my past work entirely since I have always sucked at giving things number ratings properly and I don’t much care for the system anymore for unrelated reasons, but while I mostly still stand by my original view because the movie IS a mess, objectively, I will say I was a bit overly harsh with that defunct rating, and I apologize. 

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